She looks wounded, “But you’re not saying, I’m not like that.”
I laugh, “No. You turn it on too well to not have at least a little of that in you.”
She smiles, “A girl’s gotta do… ya know?”
I shake my head. I don’t know. She must have read it in a book somewhere. It sounds like one of those lines.
Jake climbs into the back with us and sits on the floor of the van next to me.
"We could have just stayed at the house, Em. We could say fuck it, let your dad ruin the world, and let the religious psychos kill those bratty kids. We could stay at the house and make it work.
I sigh, "Until when? Until they come and kill us, or take Sarah and put her in a breeder farm, or those kids take over the world, or the religious nuts come for me again?"
He shrugs, "We coulda stayed."
I lean my head back and close my eyes, "I need to stop my dad."
Jake grunts and stretches his long legs out and balls a jacket on the floor. He lays down on it, turning his back on me. The feeling of him next to me is like Leo being there. My boot is touching his leg, like I always do with Leo. If I sleep without him, I turn sideways in the night, searching the bed for him in my sleep.
The ride makes me sleepy. I close my eyes, exhausted and worn out.
I wake to screaming, jolted and disjointed. It's my own.
Star gives me a confused look, “You okay? You just started screaming.”
I shake my head, “I don’t know.” I climb over Jake’s massive body and slip into the front seat. I pull my knees into my chest and look out the window.
“Unroll it.”
I look at Will. He smiles at me, “Unroll the window.”
A faint trickle of a grin crosses my lips. I press the button I vaguely recall, and lower the window. Instantly, warm wind bursts in. I hang my hand out, feeling like a kid again. Star laughs at something Jake says. I glance back at the tired look on his face as he rubs his eyes and mumbles, “If we had music, I could almost believe the world didn’t end. Feels like summer out there.”
I smile when he reaches up between the seats and fumbles with the stereo. A shiny disk comes sliding out. I don’t even recall them, except maybe as movie disks.
He nods, “Ohhhh yeah.” He pushes it back into the slot and presses buttons.
Will gives him a look, “What are you doing?”
He gives a cheesy grin as a song starts. It sounds crazy, my ears hurt instantly. A girl starts singing.
Jake starts dancing. Star gives him a weird look but then her eyes light up as the chorus starts. “BIG IN JAPAN! AHHHHH!” she screams and starts knee dancing with him. I’m partially horrified but fascinated too. They look crazy, but it looks too fun.
Will sings along, like he heard it yesterday. He gives me a look, “What, I loved Dragonette.”
I see it for a second, the glimpse of the person he might have been once. He dances in the seat and turns up the music. I’m uncomfortable with them dancing and singing, like I should too but I don’t want to. I lean my upper body out the window, and I see how it could have been. With my eyes closed it’s so easy. We’re young and fun, and the wind is warm. The beat starts to find its way into my body too. The wind on my face and the hot smell of summer makes everything romantic; it lasts almost as long as the song, but a terrible pain mixes with a sound from the real world. The real one I live in is brought back, as I pull myself in and notice the crimson trickle on my forearm. I’m about to say something to Will when he slams on the brakes. I am thrown forward, but his hand is across my chest, holding me back. I grunt as the van stops.
Men are on the road in front of us with guns, they’re atop horses.
“Is it the others?” I ask.
He shakes his head, “Far worse. Don’t fight. I’ll see if I can negotiate with them.”
I start to shake my head, “Will…”
He takes my hand, “I won't let them hurt you.”
Star and Jake are both rubbing sore spots as a man walks up to my door. He points his rifle at my open window, “Get out.” He’s close to Will’s age. He looks disheveled but not dirty or hungry. He has shaggy, blonde hair and a steely look in his eyes. He’s a hardened man.
I swallow, opening the door slowly.
“Don’t,” Will mutters, as I’m about to hit the man with the door. I take a deep breath and let him grab me by the bloody spot on my arm.He gives me a charming grin, “Sorry, I was aiming for the tires.” He is handsome with straight, white teeth. He winks at me. I want to claw his eyes out. Instead, I let him drag me back, placing the barrel against my head, “Get out or I won't accidentally miss again.” Will meets my eyes with desperation. “It’s okay.”
I shake my head. The man whispers in my ear, “Whoa, girl. Stay calm and I’ll be gentle, I swear it.”
My brow knits together. Will shakes his head slowly, “Look at me, baby.” He climbs out as one man opens the back door. He hauls Star out violently, holding her next to his body. She is shaking with rage. I see it on the men’s faces when they look at Star. Fury fills me. One of the men rides over, lifting her up onto his horse.
The man who had been holding Star, butts Will in the stomach with his gun. Will doubles over. They wrap a rope around him and Jake. There are at least a dozen men. The man with his greasy fingers on me, pulls me backwards. He climbs on a horse, “Get on.”
I am about to fight but a man hits Jake in the back of the legs, dropping him to his knees. I climb on the back of the horse. “Don’t hurt them.”
He nods, “Put them in the van.”
I haven’t ridden a horse since I was a tiny kid. My friend Rebecca had them. He grabs my arms and wraps them around his chest, “Hold tight and no funny business or you can sit up front, and God knows where my hands will sit.”
I nod. My breathing is hitching in my throat. Jake and Will are shoved back in the van. A few men get in with them. Will’s face is the last thing I see as the door closes. Blackness envelops me as something is stuffed over my head. I breathe heavily, against the stale feel of the material. I don’t have a plan but something dark fills me when I hear Star start to protest.
My worst nightmare is about to come true, the sound of my own ripping and tearing. Only it’s worse, my only sister will also join me as I’m victimized. Silent tears stream my cheeks. I’ve never felt fear like this. Not even at the farms.
We ride for a long time. I hold myself to him, smelling him and the horse and rocking against him in the heat. It’s intense. I try to stay in the mountains for the summer months. It’s brutal down in the lower lands. The thing over my head makes breathing almost impossible. My eyes close against my wishes. I feel myself melting into his back. He chuckles and stops the horse. He pulls the black thing off my head.
I can’t open my eyes. My breaths are shallow. I feel his fingers on my lips. It sparks an old reaction. My head shoots up. I open my eyes. We’re in the middle of the forest.
He smiles, “What’s your name?”
My hands twitch with the want to choke and kill him, but they won't move beyond that.
He lifts my face, resting a spout against my lower lip. He winks his sparkly steel-colored eyes at me, “Drink up.”
The warm water pours into me. I gulp it back, feeling panic and despair starting to stir inside of me.
He pulls it away and dumps some over my head. He rubs it into my hair. I shake my head, lifting my weak hands over my face.
“Sorry about the hood.”
I shake my head, wiping my face clean. He gives me an odd look, “Why do I get the feeling you’re plotting my death right now, behind those pretty eyes?”
I nod, “I am.”
He smiles, “I bet you could kill me too couldn’t you?”
“Yup.”
He laughs, casually, “I might have to keep you all to myself.”
He turns and boots the horse lightly. We don’t stand a chance at catching up to the rest of them. The water refreshes me. I see Star’s body draping over the horse. She passed out from the hood.
I take a deep breath, fighting the butterflies in my belly and grab his throat. I try to wrap my arm around his neck as I wrap my legs around his waist. He jumps off the horse, rolling us both. We land with me on top of him. I choke him. He hits my arms, knocking them back. I swing, punching him in the mouth. He laughs and rolls us. He is on top of me but I’m squeezing his middle, choking him that way. He makes a noise, as he sits up and smacks me. I cry out, squeezing harder. His fingers curl around my throat. They’re huge. I know he could snap my neck.
He smiles a bloody grin, “Stalemate.”
I don’t know what that means. I feel his grip loosen, letting my legs relax. He presses his bloody lips on mine. I gag and cry out as he kisses me. He stands up, grabs my arms and drags me to the horse.
“Now you get to sit up front. You pain in the ass.” He hauls me up onto the horse. His hands slide around my middle to the reins, “Mess with me and I won't keep you safe.”
My jaw trembles. I can taste his blood in my mouth.
My head is slumped as we ride up the hill fast, after everyone else. I need Leo. I need Anna. I wish I’d waited.
We crest the hill and turn into the bushes where the van is parked on the dirt road. I can barely make out a goat path of sorts. My butt and body are aching. I need more water. We get into a camp consisting of cabins like mine. There are a dozen of them though.
I see Will and Jake kneeling on the ground. Will’s eyes meet mine. He’s searching me for signs of bad things. I shake my head subtly. Jake glances at me. He looks terrified. I know I am too.
Star gets dragged to a group of men. Her legs are jelly. They toss a big bucket of water on her. She screams.
A man walks over to Jake, kicking him in the stomach. He gags and falls forward. The man takes a long drink from his whiskey bottle and backhands Will. He spits the whiskey all over both of them. Just as that happens, Star screams again. A man is mauling her.