Reason to Breathe

I avoided his eyes, following the ground as we walked.

“I’m sorry,” he said, forcing me to look up into his distressed eyes with the tilt of his head.

“It’s not your fault,” I whispered.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise,” he offered with a soft smile.

Evan put his arms around my waist as I reached up on my toes and pressed my lips against his. He held me tighter and sparks richocheted through my body. I breathed him in with each slow, deliberate pass of our lips. My head buzzed as his rhythm quickened and our lips parted. I let out a quick breath, pressing against him. He lifted his head with a grin.

“Why do you keep doing that?” I demanded in frustration, not wanting it to be over.

“We’re in the middle of the street,” he noted, glancing around. I slowly sank to my feet, releasing my hold with a sulking breath.

He wore an amused grin as we made our way back to Sara’s. I examined him curiously, silently demanding an explanation.

“Just not what I expected from you,” he explained. My eyes tightened in concern to which he quickly blurted, “Oh, it’s not bad, believe me. It’s just… you are interesting.”

We parked in a large field across from Allison Bartlett’s house, which was already filled with cars. Her house was about a mile in from the road, with no neighbors in sight – probably why it was such a popular party. The noise of conversation and music carried across the field as we stepped out of the car.

“I’m not going to be the third wheel,” Sara declared. “So I’m going in by myself, and I’ll meet you in there.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, surprised that she preferred to go in alone rather than with us.

“Yeah, definitely,” she laughed. “Besides, I want to see everyone’s reaction when you walk in.”

I shook my head in disbelief as she walked toward the noise.

I nervously looked at Evan as he came around the car to meet me. He stopped in front of me and took both of my hands in his.

“Ready?” he asked with a half smile.

“Sure,” I shrugged.

He leaned toward me and delicately grazed my lips with his. The tease left me breathless, burning for more.

“I keep having to remind myself that I can do that,” he smirked. “I’ve been programmed that it was off limits for so long; now it’s going to take some getting used to.”

“You definitely have my permission,” I breathed, leaning toward him again.

Just before we were able to connect, I heard, “Holy shit! Evan Mathews?”

I sank back to my flat feet with a groaning sigh.

“Wait. And Emma Thomas? This is crazy.”

I turned to face the annoyance. Of all the people to find out first!

“Hi Jay,” Evan said casually. I clenched my teeth together before I turned to face him.

“Hi,” I said quickly, feeling the burning cover my cheeks - so much for subtle entrances.

“When did you get back?” he asked Evan.

“Yesterday.”

Jay raised his eyebrows and looked back and forth between us, “Wasting no time, I see.”

My eyes widened as my mouth dropped open, “Jay!”

“Just saying,” he said in his all too familiar stance of feigned innocence.

“Going in?” Evan asked, ignoring his comment.

“Yeah.”

Evan took my hand and we walked alongside Jay into the house. There were people scattered on the front lawn and steps as we approached. The open door released the blare of music and voices which became practically deafening as we got closer. I pushed out a quick breath through my pursed lips before we entered. Evan squeezed my hand and glanced at me with a grin. Jay squirmed his way in ahead of us.

It was as bad as I feared. There was gawking, whispering, and even some pointing as we made our way through the crowd toward the kitchen. The guys welcomed Evan back with enthusiasm, while the girls just stared in shock, whispering to each other as we passed. Why did I think coming here was a good idea?

“You made it!” Sara praised as we squeezed into the kitchen. “Well, everyone knows you’re here now. Jay was seriously the first person you saw?” She shook her head in amazement. “You couldn’t have made a quieter entrance, could you?”

Evan laughed while I groaned at her sarcasm.

“This is crazy,” I yelled to Sara as I took in the shoulder rubbing mass of bodies that continued onto the deck. Sara nodded in agreement.

“Do you want something to drink?” Evan leaned in close to ask in my ear.

I nodded.

Evan walked towards the bar and within a few feet, he was completely devoured by the crowd.

“Emma!” Jill exclaimed as she wiggled through to get to us. She looked around, “Where’s Evan? I heard you came here together.” Sara laughed.

“He’s getting drinks,” I shouted back to her, resigned that this was probably going to be the topic of the night.

“I am so excited for you,” she shrieked. “Finally! I heard he came back once he heard about you and Drew.”

“What?!” I yelled, shocked by the latest rumor. “Where does this stuff come from?!”

Jill shrugged.

“You’re together right?” she confirmed cautiously.

“Yeah,” I said slowly and then added emphatically, “but Drew has nothing to do with it.”

“Let the stories begin,” Sara declared with an amused expression. I eyed her disapprovingly.

“Hi!” Lauren shouted with a huge smile on her face. “You and Evan, huh? That is so amazing!”

“Hi, Lauren,” I greeted with a sigh.

“Where is he?” she asked looking around.

“Getting drinks,” Jill yelled back.

“Is there anywhere we can go that doesn’t require yelling?” I asked.

Jill pointed to the porch. I debated whether or not I should wait for Evan, but being jostled by the crowd and having to yell to be heard was wearing on me. I was convinced he’d find us. I nodded to the girls to head out the door. We held onto each others’ arms so we wouldn’t get separated as we maneuvered through the human maze.

I took a breath of the cool air, relieved to be away from the confines of the house.

“Great,” Jill said facing me, “now we can hear all about it. When did he get back?”

I knew this was coming, but it didn’t make the grilling any less uncomfortable.

“Yesterday.”

“And…” Lauren encouraged. “What happened?”

I wasn’t sure what to say as I looked at their eager faces.

“There you guys are,” Casey exclaimed. The girls opened the circle to welcome her.

“Emma was just telling us about what happened with Evan,” Lauren explained.

“Evan’s back?” Casey asked in disbelief.

We laughed at her cluelessness.

“Where have you been?” Jill gawked.

Casey shrugged sheepishly.

“So…” Lauren pressed, looking back at me.

“Um… he apologized; I apologized, and that’s it. We’re… better.” They looked confused, not pleased with the lack of detail.

“That’s it?” Casey asked, still not understanding what was going on.

“What do you mean?” I asked innocently.

Lauren moaned in frustration. “I wanted to hear how he swept you in his arms, begging for you to take him back, and kissed you for hours.” Her dramatization caused us all to burst out laughing.

“Sorry,” I shrugged, still smiling. “It’s not going to happen.”

“Does he know about Drew?” Jill cringed.

“Yeah,” I said quietly.

“Does he know everything?” Casey asked in shock. I rolled my eyes knowing exactly what she meant.

“Casey!” Sara exclaimed swatting at her arm. “You really suck with keeping up. That never happened!”

“Oh,” Casey said apologetically.

“Just to warn you, he’s here,” Lauren said. “And he’s not with Katie. They broke up Thursday night. ”

“That’s fine,” I shrugged, not really concerned with seeing Drew with or without Katie.

“They broke up already?” Sara gasped.

“Definitely,” Jill murmured under her breath. She looked around, realizing she was overheard and we were all waiting for her to continue.

“Jill, don’t you dare hold out,” Sara threatened.

“You have to promise not to tell anyone,” Jill stressed, then continued without waiting for our commitment. “Drew got Katie pregnant.”

“No he didn’t,” Lauren stated in wide eyed shock.

“Well, she’s not anymore,” Jill continued, loving that she was the one revealing the headlining gossip.

“Did she…” Sara started, but Jill shrugged before she could ask.

“Not sure what happened exactly. Either she lost it or her parents made her get rid of it,” Jill explained dismissively, not really concerned with the truth. “But I think Drew just dated her because she was pregnant and broke up with her when he didn’t have to deal with it anymore.”

“Wait,” I interjected pensively. “When did she get pregnant?”

The girls turned toward me with sympathetic eyes – wondering the same thing I was.

“Not while you were together,” Jill offered. “I guess they hooked up over the holiday break before you were official.”

“I can’t believe she was pregnant,” Casey mouthed again, still absorbing the news.

I felt bad for Katie, and the fact that we were standing in the backyard at a party talking about her most intimate secret made me feel guilty.

I wandered away from the conversation, not wanting to hear anymore. I scanned the crowd along the deck, looking for Evan. I saw him at the top of the stairs searching the faces below in the yard. Our eyes connected, and he grinned, making me smile in return.

“Hi,” he greeted with a crooked smile when he approached. “I figured you wouldn’t want to stay inside.”

I shook my head, taking the bottle he handed me. He set his hand on my lower back, escorting me back to the girls. With the exception of Sara, they all looked at us, with ridiculous gawking grins. I rolled my eyes.

“Hi, Evan,” Jill sang. “Welcome back.” Lauren and Casey giggled.

“Thanks,” he said politely, giving me quizzical glance. I just shook my head and sighed.

Our small group stayed outside and talked about the latest gossip, usually inspired by the people passing by. Evan and I stood there quietly, his arm around my waist, forced to listen. There would be a periodic interruption when someone recognized Evan and would ask about his return.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” I told the girls while Evan was talking to a guy from the soccer team.

“I’ll go with you,” Sara offered, grabbing me by the arm.

“This party isn’t so bad,” Sara said in my ear as we climbed the stairs to the deck. I shrugged, agreeing reluctantly.

We made our way through the kitchen and found the line for the bathroom.