Reason to Breathe

Drew ran his lips along my neck, sending another whirl of excitement through my body, crushing the warning before it developed. The warmth of his tongue traveled down my neck as he proceeded to peel my sweater back to reveal my bare skin. I let out a small moan of pleasure as the swirl consumed me. He made his way back to my mouth and began running his hand along my outer thigh, then slid it in between my legs.

The sobering crash resounded in my head, at the same time a cold draft caught me.

“Whoa,” a voice said from the door.

“Jay, get out!” Drew yelled, still pressed against me with his head turned toward the door.

I shot up from under him, pulling my dress down, and adjusting my sweater. Drew was forced to sit next to me on the bed.

“Sorry, man,” Jay offered with an annoying smile. “I didn’t know.”

“Just get out.”

“See you inside,” Jay laughed, closing the door behind him.

“Shit,” Drew whispered, falling on his back. “Sorry about that.”

From a distance I could hear Sara’s voice. “Jay, have you seen Emma?”

I jumped up from the bed, and proceeded to straighten my dress.

“She’s in there.” Jay laughed again.

“What’s wrong?” Drew questioned in alarm, propped up on his elbows on the bed.

“Sara’s looking for me,” I explained, smoothing my hair in the mirror.

“Do you want to go back inside?” he inquired, the disappointment heavy in his voice. He stood up as Sara as knocked on the door.

“Emma, you in there?” Sara beckoned from the other side.

“Come in,” Drew yelled back.

Sara peered in cautiously. I rolled my eyes at her suspicious entrance. She looked from me to Drew, and back to me again, then glanced at the rippled bedding. I knew I was in for a drilling later.

“Um, we were going to…” she faltered. “I was just looking for you.”

“I’ll be right there,” I promised, unable to leave just yet with the bright red running from my cheeks down to my chest.

“Okay, I’ll see you inside,” she responded slowly, closing the door behind her.

“Sorry,” I said to Drew. “But we should go back in before everyone starts looking for us.”

“I could lock the door,” he offered, pulling back the sweater and kissing the top of my shoulder. Before the swirls regained their momentum, I laughed nervously and backed away, covering my shoulder with the sweater. Drew conceded reluctantly, “Fine, we’ll go back in.”

We were welcomed with suspicious glances and assuming smiles that made my chest tighten when we entered the house. Maybe my face was still flushed, so they knew what we were up to just by looking at me. I searched the room for Sara and found Jay with the dumbest smile that I had a strong desire to smack off of his face.

“I’m going to get something to drink,” I told Drew, heading toward the kitchen area.

He walked straight to Jay and had him in a corner in conversation before I made it to the kitchen.

“I guess you’re official now,” Jill said with a laugh.

“What?!” My worst fear was realized as she gave me a knowing grin. The heat crept along my neck to my cheeks.

“Come on,” she hinted. “Jay has a big mouth, remember?”

“Great.” I huffed, shaking my head in humiliation. “I’m sure it was so much worse coming out of his mouth.”

“I don’t know if it could get any worse.”

“What are you talking about?” I demanded, now confused.

She didn’t respond for a second, and then she nodded for me to walk over to an empty corner next to the cabinets. My heart skipped a beat in panic.

“He said he walked in on you and Drew having sex.”

“What?!” I yelled, much louder than I should have. I grabbed the counter to support me so I wouldn’t fall over. The people closest to us stopped to listen.

“We were kissing,” I assured her in an agitated whisper. “That’s it. What an ass!” My stomach turned, suddenly realizing why we’d received so many stares when we came back.

“Sorry.” She shrugged. “Jay likes his stories.” I shook my head in disbelief.

Sara had slipped in beside us while I was explaining what Jay had actually seen.

“I knew you wouldn’t do that.” She sounded relieved.

“Of course not!” I declared adamantly. Drew seemed to be having a very similar conversation with some of the guys on the other side of the room. Jay continued to shake his head while turning his hands in the air in his infamous defensive pose.

“Please tell me there is something more interesting to talk about than what Drew and I didn’t do,” I begged, trying to settle the nausea in my flipping stomach.

“Um, well, Katie disappeared with Tim somewhere,” Jill offered.

“Really?” Sara asked, intrigued.

If trying to guess what two people were doing alone together was a form of entertainment, then I didn’t want any part of it – especially after I had been one of the people providing the entertainment. I slipped past Sara and Jill, while they continued to draw outrageous conclusions, and found an empty space on the couch in front of the fireplace to stare at the flames. I was struck with an unsettling déjà vu.

“I had him once,” Kelli said, breaking my entranced gaze. I watched her scoot towards me, greeted by the sweet burn of liquor. I let out a heavy breath, preparing myself.

“You are sooo lucky,” she slurred. “Drew is the greatest guy.”

“Mmm,” I agreed, humoring her.

“I only fucked him once,” she confessed. My back tensed. “We never dated or anything.” She shared this information as if it should put me at ease. “But he’s amazing, isn’t he?” I couldn’t move.

“I’m so glad you and Sara are here,” Kelli murmured, laying her head on my shoulder. “You are the nicest people I’ve ever met.” I glanced over at her short brown hair that flipped up in the right places, and her thin strapped cocktail dress that exposed her cleavage.

Great, so he’d been with her, and probably Katie. Who else in this room had the privilege of a Drew experience? I knew I wasn’t the first person he’d dated, like he was for me. But from the sounds of it, dating wasn’t necessary to get to know him. I felt sick with the thought of the girl next to me in a compromising position with Drew. I knew I shouldn’t allow it to get to me. But whether it should or not, it did.

I had preoccupied myself in order to avoid thinking about Drew’s past, and I eventually lost track of the time. I talked to random people about nothing in particular. I even watched a couple of guys arm wrestle, which was ridiculously entertaining - especially when one guy kept cheating by standing up out of his chair. Sara checked on me a few times, but she became preoccupied with a local guy that Kelli had invited. By the time Drew found me, most people were starting for the door or going to their rooms.

“Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve seen you,” Drew said, sliding next to me on the couch and placing his arm around my shoulders. I was ready to go to bed, and I had hoped to slip into my room without being noticed. I was hesitant to lean against him so he could put his arm around me – still not recovered from the thoughts that had plagued me most of the night. “You okay?”

“Just tired.” I played it off by stretching my back - feeling horrible that he had picked up on my evasion.

“Too tired to be alone with me?” he whispered in my ear. I grinned; the warmth of his breath erased every insecurity that had disturbed me throughout the night. I turned my head, and he met me with a gentle kiss on the lips.

“Well?” he urged. I continued grinning, allowing the warmth to rush through me. He kissed me again, lingering a little longer while wrapping his arm around my waist to pull me closer.

Someone cleared her throat behind us. I pulled back and looked toward the noise to find Katie standing a few feet behind us. I sat up in surprise.

“Drew, could I talk to you a minute?” Katie asked innocently, swaying slightly with her hands on her hips and a flirtatious grin upon her face.

Drew sighed and looked to me. I shrugged, allowing him to decide if he wanted to talk to her.

“Sure,” he said slowly and got up to follow her to a vacant spot leaning against the window in front of the dining room table.

I sunk into the couch, my twisting stomach kept me from watching. After a few minutes, Drew returned appearing bemused.

“Everything okay?” I asked, without really wanting to know the answer.

“Just wasn’t expecting that,” Drew admitted, with a distant look in his eye.

I couldn’t ask him to explain, but his answer was unsettling. Now I did want to know what Katie said. He noticed when I tensed away, and he reached for my hand.

“It’s a long story,” he said dismissively. That didn’t help.

“I think a few people are going in the hot tub downstairs,” Drew offered. “Are you interested?”

“Not really,” I replied, wanting more than ever to put the twisting discomfort behind me and go to my room.

“You really just want to go to bed, don’t you?”

“I do,” I confessed. “Sorry.”

“That’s fine. It’s really late.” Then he hesitated before he asked, “Could I lay with you?”

I stopped breathing. I definitely wasn’t expecting that.

“I don’t think that would be a great idea.”

“You’re probably right,” he conceded. “Can I at least tuck you in?”

I grinned at the offer. “I think that would be okay.”

Drew followed me to find Sara so that I could get the key. She looked at Drew behind me and raised her eyebrows. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, dismissing her silent insinuation. I knew that anyone who saw Drew follow me to the room would assume the same thing. With everything that had already happened and been misinterpreted tonight, I was beyond caring about it anymore.

Drew sat in a white chair in the room, while I prepared for bed in the bathroom. I emerged with my teeth brushed, face washed, wearing a pair of striped boxer shorts and a fitted tank top. Drew grinned, probably because he was seeing more of me than he’d seen so far.

I slipped under the covers of the bed as he locked the door.

“So no one walks in and assumes anything,” he offered in response to my inquisitive look.

“You’re just tucking me in, remember?”

Drew smirked.

“Good night,” he whispered, leaning over to kiss my lips. He hesitated ever so slightly before his lips touched mine so that I could feel the heat of his breath. I inhaled softly as the tickle of his breath started to rouse the swirls in my head. His soft lips pressed against mine, and he kept them there long enough for my head to fill with the whirling sensation before he pulled away. I kept my eyes closed and breathed the slightest audible moan, unaware that I’d released the sound.

Before I could open my eyes, he was there again, finding me, but with much more energy and need. I returned the enthusiasm, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He lowered himself over me, on top of the blankets, continuing to find my urgent lips. He kissed down the slope of my neck, and I arched to meet him. My body was so caught up in the intoxicating warmth and hunger that I couldn’t think. I could only respond to the pulsing that pulled me to him.