Reason to Breathe

Before we parted ways in the hall, he quickly brushed his lips against my cheek and whispered, “I’ll see you at lunch.” I smiled at his touch.

“Maybe that’s what happened,” Sara concluded as we walked to our lockers. “Your concussion must have left you confused and delusional.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The fact that you continue to ogle at Drew like he is the guy.”

“What’s wrong with you?” I couldn’t understand the motive for her bitterness.

“I just don’t like you with Drew,” she stated blatantly.

“What? You think I’m different? What have I done wrong?” I questioned in alarm.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, really. You’re just not the same, like something’s missing.” She shook her head slightly in deliberation. “I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Sara, why are you making this so hard? If there’s something I’m doing that I don’t know that I’m doing, please tell me so I can fix it. But if I’m not doing anything wrong, then I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to see us together? I’m trying to be happy, and Drew makes me happy. I’d be a lot happier if you weren’t so critical of me. I want to have a good time this weekend. We’re finally getting to spend weekends together without fear or having to lie. Aren’t you excited at all?”

“I am,” she replied quietly, then forced a smile on her face. It was a start. “I’m sorry. A lot has changed lately. I think I’m having a harder time adjusting than you are. I’ll try to be happy for you.”

She hesitated, like she wanted to add something, but thought better of it. I waited, letting her gather her words.

“I won’t second guess you anymore. I trust that you know what you’re doing, and I’ll support you. So, yes, I promise by the time we leave today, I will be excited. Okay?”

“Thank you.” I flashed her an appreciative smile before she headed to class.

By the time we met for lunch, Sara didn’t show any visible signs of having reservations about Drew and me, and she was her exuberant self once again. She talked about Kelli’s party and who was supposed to be there, noting who was sleeping over. Since the house was just twenty minutes from Weslyn, there were only a few invited to stay the night, and they were exclusively girls.

Sara’s good mood held up for the remainder of the day. She even had an actual conversation with Drew. He talked to her like there wasn’t ever anything wrong, but her efforts didn’t go unnoticed by me. I was grateful that she was finally giving in to the idea that he was who I was with.

I knew that being with Drew was going to be different, and I wasn’t going to feel the same. I shouldn’t, right? So when he pulled me into the vacant trainer’s office before I left for my game, I wasn’t expecting his send off or how he’d make me feel.

“I’ll meet you at Kelli’s around eight?” he confirmed.

“That’s about right,” I recalled.

I knew he was going to kiss me when he leaned over, but I was surprised when he slid his hand behind my neck and wrapped his arm around my waist to pull me to him. His warm breath released into my mouth as he parted my lips with his tongue. The connection ignited a heat in my stomach. I released a shocked breath of excitement. Our bodies pressed firmly together, and our wet lips slid over the other’s urgently. When he released me, I exhaled a quivering breath.

“Wow,” he breathed.

“Yeah,” I responded softly.

My entire body was pulsing, a sensation I’d never experienced before. I needed to steady my breath and the swirling in my head before I could move.

“I should go,” I whispered, pressing my lips together. They still lingered with the remnants of our kiss.

“Okay,” he replied with a grin. He met me with another kiss, initially meant to be a soft kiss good bye. But as soon as we touched, we fell into the frenzied passion again. Before I could completely lose myself in the moment, I pulled away.

“Yeah, I really have to go,” I breathed.

He smiled back before I slipped out the door.

“Why are your cheeks so red?” Jill observed as we walked together to the bus.

I put my hand to my face, registering the warmth with a smile.

“I had to run to get here in time,” I lied. “I was talking to Ms. Holt about the paper.”

The warmth and pulsing lingered for most of the bus ride. I sat in the back, resting my head against the window, staring at nothing. I barely heard the music blaring in my ears as I replayed the kiss in my head. My lips turned up at the corners, as I inhaled deeply.

“What’s going on with you?” Jill questioned curiously from beside me.

I removed an earbud so that I could hear her.

“You don’t look as focused as you usually do before a game,” she noted. “Are you okay?”

I shook off the buzz.

“Yeah,” I stated soberly. “I’m fine. I was just caught up in something else.”

“I’m sure I know who.” She grinned. I ignored her and put the earbud back in, forcing my mind to prepare for the game.

Sara picked me up at the school after we returned.

“You win?” Sara asked.

“Of course,” I confirmed with a smile.

“My mom has dinner in the oven for us when we get home, so we’ll get ready to go to Kelli’s after we eat. I’ve already picked out your clothes.”

I smile, having expected nothing less.

“Should I be nervous?”

“I think you may be.”

I groaned.

I groaned again when I saw it.

“A dress, Sara?!” I discovered in dismay, staring in shock at the blue and green flirty strapless dress paired with a blue cardigan.

“No heels this time,” she pointed out, hoping it would make up for the lack of material, but I couldn’t take my enlarged eyes off of the dress.

“Just go take a shower and let me worry about the clothes,” she demanded.

I obeyed.

I started buttoning the sweater, wanting to conceal the fact that nothing was holding up the dress. Sara removed my hands from the buttons, shaking her head. I examined the dress; it swayed a little too far above my knees in the mirror, and I gave Sara a worried glance. The dress kept me from being concerned with the large curlers in my hair.

“Relax, it looks great,” Sara assured me. “I promise it isn’t going to fall down. It fits perfectly.”

“I don’t understand how, considering how much bigger your chest is than mine.”

“That’s why I never wore it,” she confessed. “Don’t envy having a bigger bra size. It’s more of a pain in the ass than you realize.”

I let out a short laugh, skeptical of her self-criticism.

Sara removed the cooled curlers and released soft waves of hair that she tousled with her fingers. It was more volume than my hair had ever seen, and took me the entire car ride to get used to it.

“Stop playing with your hair,” Sara reprimanded as we pulled into Kelli’s driveway.

The Mulligan’s beach house was spectacular. The house shined like a beacon at the top of the long inclined driveway when we pulled up. It was a modern two-story structure set on a cliff. The entire ocean side of the top floor was lined with windows that let off a distinct glow against the darkened sky.

Sara and I gathered our overnight bags and followed the stone driveway to a narrower walkway with our heels clicking along the hard surface. My stomach turned in anticipation of what awaited us behind the large white doors when Sara rang the bell.

“Hey Sara! Emma!” Kelli yelled in excitement when she opened the door. “Come on in.”

We entered the small foyer which was illuminated by a large spiny light fixture suspended above our heads. We followed Kelli up a short flight of stairs that opened into a space so expansive it made my jaw drop. A sleek white and chrome kitchen with a massive cooking island and bar connected with a spacious living area that had an amazing view of the ocean. A fire flickered in the large stone fireplace along one side of the open room, and a chic chrome table with a glass top was centered along the glass wall. Another sitting area focused around a sophisticated entertainment unit on the other side. I recognized most of the forty, maybe fifty people scattered around.

We followed Kelli through the kitchen and down a long hall. She opened the last door. We walked into a bright white bedroom with a glass wall looking out at the ocean. There were two full sized beds adorned with white and blue pillows, a small fireplace across from a chaise, and its own private bathroom.

“This is where you’ll be staying for the night,” she announced as she walked in. She handed Sara a key. “So you don’t have to worry about anyone wandering in here later.” She grinned. “Come out whenever you’re ready and help yourselves to anything.”

“Nice, huh?” Sara admired after Kelli disappeared down the hall.

“Unbelievable,” I gaped, watching the dark waves crash against the rocks.

After abandoning our bags in the room, we joined the party. This party was much different than the other two parties I’d been to. Everyone here was dressed like they were going out to an expensive restaurant, or maybe a nightclub. The girls made a point to show off skin, accented by something sparkly dangling from their ears or necks, while the guys made an extra effort to wear fitted clothes and style their hair with more product than I owned. Sara’s dress now made sense, except that I was covering it up with the sweater, and I wasn’t about to take off.

“How was your game?” Drew asked, sliding his arms around my waist, and giving me a quick kiss on the lips. The warmth rushed in at the touch of his lips, instantly reminding me of our connection earlier in the day.

“We won,” I responded with a smile, accented by the red of my cheeks.

He took my hand and escorted me to the kitchen. Sara was already there greeting everyone as we made our way through. She picked up a glass of champagne, and Drew grabbed a beer. An uneasy twinge passed through my stomach.

“What do you want?” Drew asked, pulling me towards him so he could talk in my ear.

“I think I’m okay for now,” I responded nervously. I glanced around and noticed most people holding some type of glass, presumably containing alcohol. An anxious flood surged through me, fearing more awkward exchanges with inebriated people. This was going to be interesting.

“Are you sure?” Drew confirmed. “I don’t need to drink if it makes you uncomfortable.”

I didn’t know what to say in response. Of course it made me uncomfortable. I’d witnessed too many moments when my mother failed to function while intoxicated. Even though alcohol seemed to be at every party I’d been to so far, it didn’t change my aversion to it. Could I really ask him not to drink?

“Are you driving?” was the first thing that came out of my mouth.

“No. I’m staying in the guest house tonight with a couple of the guys.”

He’s staying over? I held my breath at the thought of having him here all night, especially after the kiss we shared earlier. I could handle this, right?