It was the edge of hysteria in her voice that roused me from my cocoon of understanding and support. She had just lost her husband, and she was terrified that she was losing me. I hadn’t understood it at the time, but my mother had known I was standing on a thin precipice that was about to crumble from beneath me. She had worried she would lose me forever, and she hadn’t known how to stop it from happening. Only Cade had.
“Bethany!” Her voice broke, the ‘any’ part of my name came out as more of a sob then a shout.
“Here mom!” I called, unable to bear the thought of her crying again, at least not over me. Though, she had already cried plenty of times for me. “I’m right here!”
“Where?”
“The garden. I’ll be right in!”
She didn’t call for me again, but she didn’t go inside either. She stood in the doorway, waiting patiently for her wayward, broken child. Cade squeezed my hand; I sensed the loss that filled him, the regret and sadness that captured him. He wrapped his hand around the back of my head. Pulling me to him, he kissed my forehead with a note of goodbye that caused the last of my tears to fall.
“One day Bethany the nightmares will not plague you, the hurt will not be all encompassing, and you will be able to breathe again. It does get better, I can promise you that much.”
I nodded; he was the first person that had told me this that I actually believed. I put faith in his words because he knew, he understood more than anyone else could how I felt. Over time, through the therapy my mom forced me into, and because of the enduring love of my family, friends, and my own growing understanding of the world and myself, things had gotten better. Just as he had promised they would. But back then, his promise was the only thing I had to count on in those early hours, days, and weeks. The only thing I had to cling to in order to keep some grip on the world surrounding me, in order to keep on breathing.
“Bethany!” my mom called again, impatience and anxiety evident in her voice.
“I have to go.” He nodded, pulled me close to him and kissing me ever so tenderly again but this time on the mouth. I stared at him in awe, my lips trembling as I was jolted by the impact of his warm lips upon mine. I had just received my first kiss, and it had been so delightfully sweet and uplifting. It had been everything I had ever dreamed it would be, even on that hideously bleak night, and it had been with him. “Goodnight Cade.”
He managed a small smile; his black eyes gleamed in the increasing moonlight as he released me. My legs were shaking from his lingering effect upon me as I made my way out from under the tree. “Goodbye Bethany,” I thought I heard him whisper.
When I glanced back I could just barely make him out upon the bench, watching me as I walked to the house. Over the next few weeks I kept expecting him to reappear, I would even go to the garden and wait for him, but he never did. I would see him in school, but I was too shy to approach him after being rebuked before, and he didn't approach me. Then, as time slipped by, and the normal routine of life once again took hold, I stopped waiting for him to reappear, and eventually forgot about that night.
Until now.
Now I was swarmed by the memory, the emotions, the loss, and the peace that he had given me on that long ago night. And I was once again crying.
CHAPTER 6
“It’s ok Bethany.” I heard him whisper through the haze of memories assaulting me. “It’s ok to cry.”
Those hauntingly familiar words wrenched a muted sob from me. I bowed my head before him as he soothingly stroked my cheeks. I think he knew where my mind had gone, what memories haunted me now. “You didn’t come back after that night. You didn’t come back then.”
His forehead rested on mine as his hands pressed against my cheeks. “I couldn’t.” I understood. My fresh grief had reopened his barely healed wounds. That night he had come to offer me what comfort he could, but he had been unable to handle giving me anymore. “This time, no matter what, I will come back for you Bethany, I promise. I will always come back for you. But you must stay here, with your sister and your mother.”
I was tempted to argue his decision, but I couldn’t. He pressed something into my hand and closed my fingers around it. “I locked the store when we left. If I’m not back in three hours you and Abby are going to have to get your mother back to that room. Bring enough supplies for a week. Yes Bethany, you must do this.” He emphasized in response to my rapid head shaking.
“I can’t. That room.”
He lifted my face and took a step closer to me. “It’s the safest place for now. You have to find something to help you get your mother over there, and you will be ok in that room. It’s not that car Bethany.”
I recoiled from his words, shrinking before him as he struck straight at the heart of the matter. I tried to pull my face free of his grasp but he refused to release me. “If they find us we will be trapped in there, cornered like rats.” I managed to stammer in my defense.
“They won’t find you.”
“You can’t know that!” I shot back, struggling to hide my upset behind my anger.
“No,” he murmured. “I can’t know that, but it is the safest place for all of you right now. I will meet you there if I can’t get back here in time.”
“Cade...”
He kissed me again, putting an end to my protest with his lips. I sighed against him, letting go of my indignation as relief and pleasure swamped me. I slid my fingers into his thick hair, pulling him closer as I opened my mouth to his again. This was wonderful, he was wonderful, and I never wanted it to end. But it had to. I didn’t know what any of this meant, but I did know that I couldn’t keep him here.
This time I was the one that pulled away. I rested my hands over his strong ones, squeezing them before moving away. He had to go; I knew that, he knew that. What neither of us knew was what was going to happen if he did return, or if he didn’t. But he had to leave now, before I couldn’t let him.
“I will come back Bethany,” he vowed
I nodded as I managed a weak smile. I watched him move out of the room until he disappeared. I felt a piece of my heart go with him. Abby moved into the doorway, her doe brown eyes were as round as baseballs as she gazed at me. “Well one thing’s for sure,” she said after a lengthy silence.
I licked my lips nervously. My body thrilled at the fact that I could still taste him upon me as my toes curled. Swallowing heavily, I tried to wet my parched throat. He had to come back, he just had too. “What’s that?” I managed to croak out.