MRS. HIGGINS. But, my dear Mr. Doolittle, you need not suffer all this
if you are really in earnest. Nobody can force you to accept this
bequest. You can repudiate it. Isn't that so, Colonel Pickering?
PICKERING. I believe so.
DOOLITTLE [softening his manner in deference to her sex] That's the
tragedy of it, ma'am. It's easy to say chuck it; but I haven't the
nerve. Which one of us has? We're all intimidated. Intimidated, ma'am:
that's what we are. What is there for me if I chuck it but the
workhouse in my old age? I have to dye my hair already to keep my job
as a dustman. If I was one of the deserving poor, and had put by a bit,
I could chuck it; but then why should I, acause the deserving poor
might as well be millionaires for all the happiness they ever has. They
don't know what happiness is. But I, as one of the undeserving poor,
have nothing between me and the pauper's uniform but this here blasted
three thousand a year that shoves me into the middle class. (Excuse the
expression, ma'am: you'd use it yourself if you had my provocation).
They've got you every way you turn: it's a choice between the Skilly of
the workhouse and the Char Bydis of the middle class; and I haven't the
nerve for the workhouse. Intimidated: that's what I am. Broke. Bought
up. Happier men than me will call for my dust, and touch me for their
tip; and I'll look on helpless, and envy them. And that's what your son
has brought me to. [He is overcome by emotion].
MRS. HIGGINS. Well, I'm very glad you're not going to do anything
foolish, Mr. Doolittle. For this solves the problem of Eliza's future.
You can provide for her now.
DOOLITTLE [with melancholy resignation] Yes, ma'am; I'm expected to
provide for everyone now, out of three thousand a year.
HIGGINS [jumping up] Nonsense! he can't provide for her. He shan't
provide for her. She doesn't belong to him. I paid him five pounds for
her. Doolittle: either you're an honest man or a rogue.
DOOLITTLE [tolerantly] A little of both, Henry, like the rest of us: a
little of both.
HIGGINS. Well, you took that money for the girl; and you have no right
to take her as well.
MRS. HIGGINS. Henry: don't be absurd. If you really want to know where
Eliza is, she is upstairs.
HIGGINS [amazed] Upstairs!!! Then I shall jolly soon fetch her
downstairs. [He makes resolutely for the door].
MRS. HIGGINS [rising and following him] Be quiet, Henry. Sit down.