The parlor-maid returns, ushering in Pickering.
THE PARLOR-MAID. Colonel Pickering [She withdraws].
PICKERING. How do you do, Mrs. Higgins?
MRS. HIGGINS. So glad you've come. Do you know Mrs. Eynsford Hill--Miss
Eynsford Hill? [Exchange of bows. The Colonel brings the Chippendale
chair a little forward between Mrs. Hill and Mrs. Higgins, and sits
down].
PICKERING. Has Henry told you what we've come for?
HIGGINS [over his shoulder] We were interrupted: damn it!
MRS. HIGGINS. Oh Henry, Henry, really!
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL [half rising] Are we in the way?
MRS. HIGGINS [rising and making her sit down again] No, no. You
couldn't have come more fortunately: we want you to meet a friend of
ours.
HIGGINS [turning hopefully] Yes, by George! We want two or three
people. You'll do as well as anybody else.
The parlor-maid returns, ushering Freddy.
THE PARLOR-MAID. Mr. Eynsford Hill.
HIGGINS [almost audibly, past endurance] God of Heaven! another of them.
FREDDY [shaking hands with Mrs. Higgins] Ahdedo?
MRS. HIGGINS. Very good of you to come. [Introducing] Colonel Pickering.
FREDDY [bowing] Ahdedo?
MRS. HIGGINS. I don't think you know my son, Professor Higgins.
FREDDY [going to Higgins] Ahdedo?
HIGGINS [looking at him much as if he were a pickpocket] I'll take my
oath I've met you before somewhere. Where was it?
FREDDY. I don't think so.
HIGGINS [resignedly] It don't matter, anyhow. Sit down. He shakes
Freddy's hand, and almost slings him on the ottoman with his face to
the windows; then comes round to the other side of it.
HIGGINS. Well, here we are, anyhow! [He sits down on the ottoman next
Mrs. Eynsford Hill, on her left.] And now, what the devil are we going
to talk about until Eliza comes?
MRS. HIGGINS. Henry: you are the life and soul of the Royal Society's
soirees; but really you're rather trying on more commonplace occasions.
HIGGINS. Am I? Very sorry. [Beaming suddenly] I suppose I am, you know.
[Uproariously] Ha, ha!
MISS EYNSFORD HILL [who considers Higgins quite eligible matrimonially]
I sympathize. I haven't any small talk. If people would only be frank
and say what they really think!
HIGGINS [relapsing into gloom] Lord forbid!
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL [taking up her daughter's cue] But why?
HIGGINS. What they think they ought to think is bad enough, Lord knows;
but what they really think would break up the whole show. Do you
suppose it would be really agreeable if I were to come out now with
what I really think?
MISS EYNSFORD HILL [gaily] Is it so very cynical?
HIGGINS. Cynical! Who the dickens said it was cynical? I mean it
wouldn't be decent.
MRS. EYNSFORD HILL [seriously] Oh! I'm sure you don't mean that, Mr.
Higgins.