Here in the bitter cold of the winter cathedral, tears stung at his eyes, but he blinked them back, fighting them. Only men were allowed to weep, but never dogs. Men might weep honorably in grief, in anger, or in joy. He no longer deserved such distinction.
With the tears came the cloud, a gray haze covering his vision, a roaring in his ears as clamorous as a thousand Eika howling, as maddening as a swarm of bees, as seductive as the din of battle to one confined. But that cloud was madness. He must fight the madness.
Slowly, struggling with each breath, he formed an image in his mind like to the images he saw on the windows, painted scenes from the Life of the blessed Daisan to uplift and illuminate the worshipers. He formed no holy image but rather a common one, a scene he had been struggling to build for days now, or weeks, or months; he didn’t know how long it had been, only that it was winter and once, long ago, when he was a free man and captain of the King’s Dragons, it had been spring.
He built in his mind’s eye a manor house such as his Dragons often lodged at as they rode here and there in the kingdom, defending King Henry and his sovereignty. In this season, in winter, fields would be stripped clean of their harvest, some few budding with winter wheat. The vines and orchards would be bare; barrels of apples would line the cellars; cider would be brewed. The extra animals would have already been killed and their meat smoked or salted away against winter’s barrenness and the quiet hunger of spring.
This manor house he built was no lodging place. He constructed it, in his mind, as his own, his refuge—his land, not another’s. He had nothing of his own save his status as the king’s son, his sword and spear, his shield and armor, his clothing and tent and, over the course of years, a number of horses. All else he received because of obligations owed to the king or, now and again, certain gifts from certain women. But he was careful in his affairs as in all else, obedient to his father’s wish that he choose wisely and discreetly and never ever indulge himself where his interest might cause trouble farther down the road.
None of this he had now, of course, not even the gold torque he had once worn around his neck, symbol of his royal lineage. That torque now adorned Bloodheart’s arm, symbol of his victory, and Sanglant wore an iron collar such as all of Bloodheart’s dogs wore.
He must not think of his humiliation. He must think of other things or else he would fall into madness. He walked, in his mind, across fields and forest and pastureland. His lands. Through these lands he would walk, no longer outfitted for war, no longer dressed in a Dragon’s tabard and armor, no longer wearing the Dragon helm that marked him as captain.
No longer a Dragon.
In this place, he was outfitted like any other noble lord, with a retinue, with servants and field hands. The outbuildings would include a stable, of course, for his horses, a byre, beehives, a forge, a weaving house.
Like any other noble lord, he would be married. This was more difficult to imagine. All his life he had been told, repeatedly, that the king’s bastard son could not marry. Only legitimate children married. For an illegitimate one to do so might set in motion endless intrigues whose fruit would be as sour as discord. Indeed, no one had expected him to live long enough to chafe against the prohibition; he had already served as captain of the King’s Dragons longer than any other man before him except wily old Conrad the Dragon.
But the lord of a manor must wed, and must beget children to inherit from him and his lady. He had always been an obedient son. Now, among the dogs, wreathed by iron and no longer by gold, he need not be.
What woman in Henry’s progress, what daughter of a noble lady, might be suitable? Whom would he choose? Who would choose him?
But when he skirted the kitchens where servants prepared the evening’s feast, when he passed through the broad-beamed hall, striped with afternoon’s light through the narrow windows, when he crossed under the threshold and out into the garden where a lord might find his lady-wife picking herbs for healing simples or dictating a letter to her cleric, he saw no noblewoman from the king’s progress waiting for him. No count’s or duchess’ daughter smiled up at him, greeting him with affection.
When he opened the door that led into the bedchamber, the woman who waited inside, half surprised but obviously pleased by his appearance, was the young Eagle. Liath.
2
IT was bitter cold, and out here by the dying fire the wind cut and burned Liath until she shuddered under its bite. But she dared not go inside where the nobles sat at table, carousing long into the night in observance of the Feast of Saint Edana of the Bonfires, whose saint’s day was celebrated with much drink and good cheer. Hathui had returned from Quedlinhame, and she could attend the king. Better for Liath to remain outside, as far away as possible, even shivering in the breath of coming winter.