Cliff paused for a long time, his eyes faraway, reminiscing. I felt like I had to say something. I whispered "Cliffy, if everything was so lovely... what happened?"
"One day... I caught my ex cheating on me. Red-handed. With... another girl."
With his arms still across his chest, he turned to lock his eyes with mine, and said "Yes... I had an ex-boyfriend."
It was me who had to look away now. Cliff was watching for my reaction, waiting for my response.
No wonder he was awkward shy among girls. Is that why he restrained himself when we were alone in the hotel room? A thousand thoughts flashed through my mind. Who is he really? Who will he become in the future? Am I just a stepping stone? Who am I to him? What about us? My mind was clouded.
We were silent for a few minutes.
The cigarette wedged loosely between my fingers, soft amber burning at the tip slowly transforming the white stick into a char of grey ash.
I did not know what to say. Heck, I did not even know what to think.
"Thank you for telling me," I whispered.
"I just wanna be honest with you."
"And I truly appreciate that."
I do not mind if my boyfriend had an abusive childhood, or was a gay. In a way, I felt sorry for him. I love who he is now. But truthfully, I am scared of the emotional baggage he was carrying and will it affect who he will be in the future. Should I touch his hand now?