“I know. I know you will.”
“Never taking you to North Carolina. Jamais.”
I stilled, drew back. “What are you talking about? I have to find Gran.”
“Come on, Evie, we both know she probably didn’t make it. We haven’t seen another woman on the road. I woan let you be in danger like today.”
He wanted to call off our journey now? Running out of time . . . I pulled away from him, trying to keep calm.
“I got plans for us, see. We’re goan back to Selena’s. You can take your coo-yôn pet with you. But we’re goan south. Back to warmth, away from plague and cannibals. You can teach me how to court you. ’Cause I doan know my way around that. You can be happy living with me. You will be.”
Yes, I would. Just as soon as I was freed of this curse! “All of this is bigger than me, Jackson. I have to figure . . . have to figure myself out.”
“Then tell me what’s happening. Be honest for once. Trust me with your secrets. I’ve laid mine bare.”
Tell him what I was? Or, dear God, show him?
Selena had been magnificent as the Archer, all grace and speed, with a goddess’s poise. Matthew had his to-the-second foresight, a master of fate. Finn’s talents were nearly inconceivable.
Mine? I sprouted eerie claws. I grew things through the spilling of my own blood. I could be poisonous. When I controlled plants, they were snakelike and shuddersome.
And what about tonight with the lotus? I’d called Selena deceptive.
Wasn’t that my MO as well?
Unlike me, the other kids just seemed enhanced, like demigods. If I revealed to Jackson what the Empress truly looked like, how could I bear to see his disgust? I grew nauseated even thinking about showing him.
What if he saw me—and made the sign of the cross?
He had feelings for me, but only because he didn’t know what I truly was. He desired me—not the witch. “I want to tell you,” I whispered. “But I can’t. Not yet.” Just let me have this for a little while.
His expression hardened. “Then you’re coming with me. We’ll talk about what you got to ‘figure out’ when you can trust me.”
Real alarm spiked. Would he prevent me from leaving? Drag me back to Selena’s? “I am going to North Carolina. And I thought you and the others would be there with me.”
“It’s so damned easy for you to make these decisions! When you’re not doing any of the dirty work!”
“I’m stronger than you think. If push came to shove, I could help our group.”
“Help us? Doing what? Are you goan to pretty the Bagmen to death?”
“Again, I might surprise you!”
“You can’t hunt, can’t fight. You’re too soft!”
“You can’t say that about me anymore. You don’t know me—”
“Because you woan tell me!” He flung the bottle against the wall.
I felt like I’d shattered right along with it. “L-let’s talk tomorrow, when you’re sober. O-okay?” Trembling, I turned toward the door.
“Damn you, girl, you listen to me!” I faced him again, found him wild-eyed.
“Jackson, I will go insane if I don’t discover what I’m supposed to do!” And how to save myself!
“I know what you’re supposed to do. You stay with me, as mine. We’ll grow food, we’ll live our lives. We’ll build something together.”
How badly I wanted that too. My tears gathered and fell.
The anger sailed from him. “Non, doan cry, you.” He covered my shoulders with his palms, rubbing me with his thumbs.
“Th-there’s more to this,” I insisted.
“Then tell me, bébé.” The anguish in his voice was almost my undoing. The startling gray of his glinting eyes . . . “Trust me.”
When I remained silent, quietly crying, his hands tightened on my shoulders. He threw back his head and roared like a madman. Then he met my gaze. “You keep your secrets from the one person you could actually depend on.” His voice raw, he rasped, “J’tombe en botte, Evangeline! J’tombe en botte.” I fall to ruin. “I can’t keep doing this! You’re coming with me, or we’ll part ways in the morning.”
“Let’s just talk about this—”
“Vow you’ll come with me, or I’ve got to shut these thoughts down. I can’t keep running after you, goan against all my instincts, no. Can’t keep wanting and waiting. I know what that will do, I’ve seen it.”
“I-I don’t have a choice.”
He released me, jamming his shoulders back. “Then I doan either. I am done with you, girl.”
“What does that mean?”
“I—am—done!”
The last word was still echoing between us when he limped out of the room and slammed the door behind him.
Chapter 39
“You knew I was the red witch!” I snapped to Matthew under my breath.
He’d entered the bedroom directly after Jackson left, sitting without a word for what felt like hours until I’d stopped crying.
Finn had also dropped in, bringing a couple of blankets and starting a fire in the little hearth for us. “Obviously you’re off the menu, blondie,” he’d said, “with your boy troubles and all. So be a sport, and tell me the swiftest way to get in Selena’s pants.”
Once he’d realized I was in no mood, he’d raised his palms. “Hey, hey, ’s’cool. Don’t worry, I’ll devise something. Wish me luck.” Then he’d winked and disappeared. Literally. He’d turned himself invisible.
Now I paced while Matthew sat on the floor, studying a piece of broken glass by firelight. “You could have told me that I was her.” I was still reeling from all of the night’s revelations.
“You’re not her.”
“Not yet ? Because she’s strong and vicious. And I’m not, right?” I said, my tone hurt.
He inclined his head. “One day you’ll be known as the Poison Princess, the May Queen. Lady Lotus. Queen of Thorns. Phyta.”
“As in phytomanipulation?”
“You can make plants too. Phytogenesis. Without seed.”
This was titillating—until I remembered that such a talent was likely designed with murder in mind. “You did send me all those nightmares then?”
He frowned. “Nightmares? No. Just . . . dreams.”
“Who was she? Was that me in another life or something?” Say no, say no.
“Past Empress from long, long ago. She didn’t keep secrets. She was known by all. But they burn what they fear,” he said, his thoughts drifting.
“Matthew!”
“I updated the dreams for you. Because you can’t speak middle English.”
But you can? “Those dreams were about to drive me insane. Why would you make me experience such evil things?”
“Not evil. Arsenal.” With a sigh, he repeated, “Arsenal, field of battle, obstacles, foes.”