I’d never been so close to someone in my life, I’d never revealed the things about myself the way I did with him. I’d even been on the verge of telling him my dirty secrets, things that could change my life, things that could ruin my father and destroy my mother. That’s what Zeke did to me; he made me want to exhale everything.
When he kissed me, there was a bonding between us and I was sure he felt it too. He had to. It was so strong. It was as if our souls had collided and began to rebuild the other. It was powerful and it pushed me over the edge and right into him.
I thought for sure I’d never feel anything of the sort, but once he touched me with his fingers and my body experienced a release that it never had before, I knew I was transformed. He intricately placed his fingers in places that only an experienced man could and brought forth a reality that I never knew existed, a place where being touched was wonderful and fulfilling, a place overflowing with relief.
But the minute the feeling dissolved, something tragic happened and turned my beautiful moment into a nightmare. I looked down into Zeke’s face and he shyly smiled back at me. Something about the way he looked at me felt wrong. It all felt wrong, and I was waiting for the blow. What I had done was bad and punishment was sure to follow.
The logical side of me knew I was being irrational as I fought to get away from him, but the sick parts of me knew there was no good in what we’d just done. A panic I’d never experienced before swept over me and I went into a full anxiety attack. I wasn’t so much trying to get away from Zeke as I was just trying to get out of the car. I needed air. I needed to breathe and the car was too small and he was too close.
Once I was free of the car, I ran straight into the one place I never wanted to be again, the arms of my father. His eyes beat into me and his grip was so tight I was sure he’d snap my arms in half. At that point, all I wanted to do was climb back into Zeke’s car and disappear, but there was no running, especially not when I saw the police officers standing behind my dad.
My eyes found Zeke’s and something passed between us. I needed help and I wanted to beg him to save me, but that couldn’t happen. I could never ask for his help. Asking for his help would require revealing truths, and I could never do that.
“Let her go,” Zeke said. His voice held a hint of a threat.
My dad’s fingers tightened and I knew it was his way of saying I’d better stay put. I knew my dad was powerful and I also knew he could destroy what little bit Zeke had. Just as Zeke had promised to protect me, I’d do the same for him, so I stood there. As badly as I wanted to run back to him, I didn’t.
“Zeke Mitchell, haven’t you learned your lesson yet, son? I could have these nice officers arrest you, since I’m sure you have drugs in your car, but I won’t do that. All I ask is that you get in your car and go home. Patience is going home, too, and whatever this is between y’all needs to stop. Patience is leaving for college in a few months anyway.”
Zeke’s eyes met mine like he was searching for the truth. The truth was this was the first I’d heard of any college plans. I hadn’t even applied for any since I had no plans of leaving Sydney unattended. If anything, I’d jump on board a local technical college until Syd graduated.
Instead, I shrugged and gave him a tiny, crooked smile that said I was sorry. He didn’t buy it. His eyes told me he knew I was playing into my dad’s shit. So I plastered on the realest smile I could just for him.
“It’s okay, Zeke. Tell Megan I’ll text her later. I needed to get home anyway. I had fun. Thanks for the ride.”
He looked angry at my words and I knew it was because he felt dismissed by me, but I didn’t want him to get arrested again. He’d already been arrested twice thanks to me and there was no way in hell I was going to let that happen again.
“I’m not leaving you,” he said with determination.
And in that moment I knew I had to be like Zeke. I had to lie about my feelings and push him away. I cut my eyes at him and then rolled them. Then I said something that made my stomach turn.
“Look, it was fun, but now it’s time you go back to your shitty little trailer park. I wanted to see if what they said about you was true, and now that I see it isn’t, I’m done messing around with you.”
I had indeed hit my mark. The crushed look in his eyes told me it was a direct hit. I didn’t wait around for him to respond. I turned away and got in the passenger’s seat of my dad’s car. Zeke stood there in shock, staring back at my father, until finally he turned, got in his car, and drove away.