I kept the passport at the very bottom of the pile. Hidden. Yet, somehow it had made its way to the top of the pile.
Glancing over at my bedroom door, I realized my mom had snooped and found my stash.
She’d found the passport.
Suddenly, her warnings to be grateful for what I had made sense.
And as much as I wanted to listen to her advice, to take what she said as wisdom, there was a rebellious voice inside of me telling me my mom should want me to dream bigger than she did. That it was wrong of her not to.
At war with myself, I changed into my pajamas and got into bed, mind whirring as the events of the day played over and over in my head.
My last thought before I drifted to sleep was of Jim and how much I envied him his freedom.
* * *
“Dad, Mom wants me to pay some bills. Will you be okay if I go out for a little bit?”
“I’m not an invalid,” he huffed, watching the TV. “Oh, wait. I am.”
I sighed. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
“You can take that as I’m watching the game and I can’t hear it over your yammering.” His voice rose toward the end of the sentence.
Not deigning to respond, I grabbed my purse and gladly escaped the house. Walking down West Washington I saw our neighbor, Dawn, putting her daughter, Jane, into her car seat. I waved.
“Oh, hey, Nora,” she called, smiling at me. “We’re heading out to the mall. Need a ride anywhere?”
“No, I’m going to May’s to use her computer.” May’s Coffeehouse was also an internet café and you could pay to use a computer there. We had a computer but it stopped working six months ago and we hadn’t gotten around to getting it fixed. And we couldn’t afford a new one. We had Wi-Fi, but my cell phone was this cheap, outdated thing and it was frustrating trying to pay online bills with it. It was easier to go to May’s. Plus, it got me out of the house.
“Oh, sweetie, you can use ours,” Dawn said. “We’ll run back into the house with you real quick. We’re in no rush.”
Dawn Reese and her husband Paul were two of the nicest people I’d ever met. They were the kind of neighbors that would do just about anything for anybody, including putting up with my pain-in-the-ass family. I smiled gratefully. “That’s so kind of you, Dawn, but I …” How did I explain I wanted out of the house and away from my father?
Dawn got a knowing look in her eyes. “You know what? May has faster Wi-Fi anyway.”
Giving her another appreciative smile, I nodded. “Have a nice day at the mall.”
We waved, and I walked on.
My thoughts drifted to Jim and Roddy, wondering where they were. I knew from our conversations that they flew back to Scotland in a week’s time. A sharp ache cut across my chest and I rubbed it absentmindedly. When he was here, Jim’s openness and his feelings for me had been intimidating. But over the last three weeks, I’d longed so much to see his face that I started to wonder if maybe I’d fallen in love with him.
I missed his smile.
And I missed the way he looked at me.
Like I mattered.
Like I really, really mattered.
I missed his kisses.
And despite how uncertain I’d been at the time, I now found myself regretting not having slept with him. Jim cared about me. My first time should’ve been with someone who cared about me like Jim did.
I was such an idiot.
Regret tasted bitter on my tongue and tears burned my eyes.
Strangely, I found myself missing Roddy as well. He was quite belligerent for such a young person, but he was funny too. Plus, I wouldn’t soon forget him swatting Cory like he was a bug on a windshield. That made my whole summer.
“Are ye seriously just going to walk by me?”
I froze.
Turned to my right.
And stared. Stunned.
The Mustang was parked in the parking lot where I worked. Roddy was standing by the driver’s side door, wearing sunglasses so I couldn’t read his expression. And Jim was braced against the hood, his hands on his hips, grinning at me.
I’d been so caught up in my thoughts, I’d walked right by them.
Joy rushed through me, lifting the heavy weight that had settled over me since they’d left.
“What?” I smiled in amazement. “What are you doing here?”
Jim’s answer was to jog toward me, laughing, and when he reached me, he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me right off my feet.
I gasped in surprised, locking my arms around his neck to hold on. Jim crushed me to him, kissing me as my feet swayed off the ground. He groaned and squeezed me so tight it hurt. “Jim,” I gasped.
He eased his hold, wonder and gravity whirling around his dark eyes. “I came back for ye.”
My fingers bit into his shoulders in shock at the pronouncement. What did that mean?
Reading the question in my eyes, he lowered me to my feet but didn’t let go. He bent his head toward mine, his words almost a whisper they were so gruff with emotion. “I’ve missed ye so much. Like, it’s not a normal amount of missing considering how long we’ve known each other. But I feel like I’ve known ye my whole life, Nora. And yet I feel like I don’t know ye at all … and all I want in this life is tae know everything about ye. I want tae be the person who knows ye better than anybody. The thought of some other guy getting that chance physically hurts. And I know ye might think I’ve lost my mind but when Roddy and I were in Vegas, all I kept thinking was if I could get Nora here, I’d marry her in a heartbeat and take her home with me.”
Shocked to my core, I could only stare at him as a thousand thoughts flew around in my head.
Of course, there was a huge part of me that thought he was nuts!
But there was also a part that believed he was utterly sincere.
“I love ye.” He gave me a nervous smile. “I’ve fallen in love with ye. Ye’er not like any girl I’ve ever met. Ye seem older than eighteen, ye’er kind, funny—I can never work out what ye’er thinking, which drives me crazy in the best way, and ye care about people. And it doesn’t hurt ye’er the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my life.”
His lovely words got caught in the jumble in my head.
The thing that kept pushing itself front and center was the memory of Jim telling me I deserved more from life. He was a guy not only offering to love me, truly love me, but he was offering me more out of life.
He was offering me an escape.
I can’t explain how much the thought of that gripped me. It was like this monster that had been hiding inside of me for a long time and suddenly, someone opened its prison. It was selfish and self-absorbed and hungry. And it was single-minded.
“Are … are you asking me to marry you and move to Scotland?”
Jim nodded, looking pained. “Ye think I’m insane, don’t ye?”
“Yes. Absolutely. I do.”
His grip on me loosened, his gaze lowering “I understand.”
“But …” There was a part of me that wanted to say yes, which was just as insane.
Jim’s eyes flew back to mine, hopeful incredulity alight in them. “What?”
Even though I felt like I might throw up, I also felt a rush of adrenaline. I hadn’t felt that in a long time. It made me feel alive. Really alive. “Can you give me today to think about it?”
“Today?” He nodded quickly. “I can do a day.”
“Okay.” My whole body trembled. “Okay.” I couldn’t believe I was even considering it. “Come back tonight, midnight. Park up the street from my house. I’ll give you my answer then.”
Jim let out a shaky exhale. “I can’t believe ye’er even considering it. Roddy told me I was insane, but I… no matter what, I couldnae go back home without telling ye that I loved ye.”
Fear and hope were strange bedfellows—I felt lightheaded. I swayed a little, and Jim reached out to catch me. “Ye all right?”
“It’s just a lot.” I laughed and it sounded a little hysterical. “Um … okay … I’m going to go think. Tonight?”
“Tonight.” He nodded.
And then he kissed me soft, sweetly, and murmured, “I’d do anything for ye, Nora. Protect ye, love ye, give ye anything. I promise.”