“Good, make it a short one.” She hung up, allowing me to let out the air I had been holding in my lungs.
I settled into my pillow, letting the tears fall from my eyes as I tried to let go of the guilt. The guilt that I couldn’t be what everyone wanted me to be all the time. The guilt that I couldn’t stop the side of me that wanted more than what my parents had given me. Every now and then, someone would tell me they wished they had my life. I may have a nice house, expensive clothes and a generous monthly allowance, but my life was nothing to envy. I would trade it all in a heartbeat for a bit of positive attention from my parents.
Ever since I was younger, I had been obsessed with romantic movies and novels. The couples I envied never seemed to force their feelings; they weren’t plastic. I, on the other hand, grew up in the plastic heart society. In the plastic heart society, love and respect are secondary to money and power. If I told my mother about a boy, she would have asked “What do his parents do?” or “Where does he live?” and even “What kind of car does he drive?”. I would never hear “What is he like?”. No, because where I come from, that doesn’t really matter.
As soon as Jade came home she could tell I had talked to my mom. I was curled in the fetal position on the bed, my body shaking with sobs. I didn’t even bother to say hi as she made her way across the room, wrapping her body around mine. Sometimes, after a particularly bad conversation, I closed off for days. Jade helped me through it, comforting me, purchasing insane amounts of chocolate chip cookies, and renting comedies until she finally got a laugh out of me. I loved her for that. When there was so much negative in your life, it helped to have someone who could coat it with happiness. I knew she would be there for me this time too.
Chapter Seven
Sexy Stranger had become the guy who made my heart skip a beat every time I saw him. Deep down I knew these feelings had to remain unexplored, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy his company. For some reason, I was more relaxed with him than I was with most people. Why was that? I think he could end up being a great friend or at the very least someone who understood ‘the artsy side of Alex’ and that meant everything to me.
I arrived in class before he did and had already settled into my desk when he walked in wearing a pair of dark jeans, a fitted long sleeve white t-shirt and a pair of worn brown boots. He didn’t fuss too much over his appearance, but he always managed to look breathtakingly handsome. The boy had swagger and he wore it well, from head to toe. He always smelled like a mix of citrus and cedar and - I wouldn’t admit this out loud - I wanted to find out what he used to make himself smell that way and coat everything I owned in it.
“Hey, Gorgeous, are you getting excited for tomorrow night?” he asked, startling me from my rather delicious thoughts. One side of his mouth was turned up as he looked right into my eyes. I bet he knew exactly what I was thinking.
I was really excited for tomorrow night. I loved music and, even more so, I loved to dance. “I guess. Am I meeting you there?” I asked, downplaying the obvious.
“It’s only a few blocks from the dorm. I’ll come pick you up and we can walk there together so neither of us has to worry about driving. Can I see your phone?” he asked, holding out his hand.
“Uh, why?” I replied, lifting my brow at him.
He had a huge grin on his face. “In case you need to call me or you decide you can’t wait until tomorrow night to see me again.”
“Cocky much?” I asked. I couldn’t help the smile that pulled at my mouth.
“I think we already established that.” He winked as I handed him my phone.
We didn’t talk for the rest of class because there was an abstract painting that was due on Monday. The six hours a week spent in Art class were becoming a welcome retreat from my stressful planned life. I didn’t outline what I would put on canvas this time; I just let my mind and heart guide the brush and was amazed by what they created.
Dane was a fantastic artist. I mean, off the charts good. I would never tell him this because his head was already so big I was surprised he could get it in his t-shirt in the morning, but he had talent. I knew so little about him, but I did know he’d been through some very painful events; it showed in his paintings with angry red and black color combinations. I could tell he had pain locked inside of him and wondered if he kept it all hidden, like I did.
When class ended, it didn’t seem possible that two hours had passed. If I could spend all day, every day doing what I was doing now, I would be the happiest girl in the world. I grabbed my things as a large strong hand wrapped around my arm. “I’ll pick you up at 9. Text me your dorm and room number.”
Then he was gone. As I stood there, I could feel my head and heart racing. My head was scared to death because Dane was unchartered water for me and my heart was skipping around like a little girl on the playground. What was he doing to me?
That night I was sitting in my dorm working on a paper for my English Literature class when my phone started to vibrate.
Dane: Miss me yet?
I swear my stomach did a little flip flop when I saw it was from Dane. How the hell did he get my cell number?
Alex: How did you get my number?
Dane: Texted myself when I programmed yours : )
Okay, that was clever.
Alex: Stalker much?
I was flattered, but there was no way I was going to tell him that!
Dane: Only U
Alex: Night!
Dane: Goodnight, Gorgeous!
Even the whole Gorgeous thing was starting to grow on me.
When I woke up the next morning, I was full of nerves. Maybe this was a mistake? Did I really want to go out with Dane? It was only one date, but I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea and think this was more than it was. Did I think he was attractive? Yes, but this couldn’t go anywhere. I promised him one night and I fully intended to give that to him. After that, we would have to go back to being art partners and friends. I thought about calling Gwen, but I already knew what she would tell me; this couldn’t end well and I should stop it before it even starts. Jade didn’t have class until noon on Thursday so she was still wrapped in her comforter across the room.
I took a quick shower and headed toward the coffee shop to study before I had to go to my English Literature class. I ordered my favorite skinny mocha and found an empty seat near the window. There was something so relaxing about sitting in a coffee shop. The smell of coffee and chocolate are like lavender for my senses. Maybe it was being outside my normal environment or the noises of chatter, blenders and movement that relaxed me, but it was my thinking place. The walls were a deep espresso brown with red, yellow and green accents. The shop was full of tables and chairs as well as a few comfy couches. The lighting was dim, but accented with the natural light from the window. The whole setup washed me in a sea of calm.
Today I’d had a hard time staying focused because of a certain boy who remained under my skin. I couldn’t stop thinking about the reasons I should, and should not, go out with Dane tonight.
There were many reasons I should go out with Dane Wright. First, if I gave him this one date he would leave me alone. I had promised him one date and nothing more. Second, it would get Jade off my back; the girl thought I needed to get out more and have some fun and that was exactly what I was going to do tonight. Third, I wanted to go. Dane and I were so different, but we shared a love for art and he could be really fun to talk to, even if he was a pain in my ass. Last, there was going to be live music and dancing. How could you go wrong with that?
When I thought about the reasons I should not go out with Dane, I realized that list was a lot shorter. First, he could get the wrong idea and think this was more than it ever could be. I got the impression that he didn’t do relationships, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have other expectations. Second, I was afraid of what others would think if they saw us together. I didn’t go out too often and hadn’t met too many people outside of Jade’s friends. I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong impression about me. I’d always been far too concerned about impressions; it was driven in to me that it mattered what other people thought about me above anything else.
As I thought through all of this, I decided the reasons I should go far outweighed the reasons I shouldn’t. It was just one night. I could go out, have fun, and hopefully come out unharmed. I headed to class, happy with my decision and ready to see what the night would bring.
I was relieved that Jade was in our room when I got back from class. I was hoping to pick her brain over dinner. I had been on dates before, but I had never been on a date with a non-parent approved boy with tattoos and a leather jacket. My legs were already trembling and my hands were sweaty just thinking about it. I needed a distraction to kill the couple hours I had between now and when Dane would arrive.
“Hey, what are you doing for dinner tonight?” I asked. She didn’t look up as she continued to paint her nails. She should have been studying, but she was painting her nails instead.
“I’m meeting Tyler for a drink later,” she replied, briefly looking up at me with a sheepish grin. I was surprised she was meeting with Tyler, but I liked him and I thought he would be good for her.
“Let’s grab something to eat. I have to be back early anyway because Dane is picking me up at 9. Actually, no, we should be back by 7 because you need to help me get ready.” I knew I was rambling as I paced back and forth across the room.
She looked up at me, her eyes huge. “Oh, I almost forgot about the big date tonight. We need to make you look hot!”
“This is not a date. I’m just going out with him to get him off my back.” At this point, I didn’t know who I was trying to convince; her or me.
“Would it be so bad if it was a date?” Jade asked.
“It can’t happen, Jade. Just leave it alone.”
Jade laughed. “Whatever, Alex. If you get one taste of that man, you will never go back to polos and khakis. That boy is going to rock your world.”
I rolled my eyes at her. She thought she knew everything, but she really had no idea what she was talking about here. She hadn’t lived with my parents and she had no idea how bad things could get. “You know that will never happen. It can’t happen.”