It was in one of these short meetings, each apparently occupied in

admiring a fine display of greenhouse plants, that she said-"I have been thinking over the past, and trying impartially to judge of

the right and wrong, I mean with regard to myself; and I must believe

that I was right, much as I suffered from it, that I was perfectly

right in being guided by the friend whom you will love better than you

do now. To me, she was in the place of a parent. Do not mistake me,

however. I am not saying that she did not err in her advice. It was,

perhaps, one of those cases in which advice is good or bad only as the

event decides; and for myself, I certainly never should, in any

circumstance of tolerable similarity, give such advice. But I mean,

that I was right in submitting to her, and that if I had done

otherwise, I should have suffered more in continuing the engagement

than I did even in giving it up, because I should have suffered in my

conscience. I have now, as far as such a sentiment is allowable in

human nature, nothing to reproach myself with; and if I mistake not, a

strong sense of duty is no bad part of a woman's portion."

He looked at her, looked at Lady Russell, and looking again at her,

replied, as if in cool deliberation-"Not yet. But there are hopes of her being forgiven in time. I trust

to being in charity with her soon. But I too have been thinking over

the past, and a question has suggested itself, whether there may not

have been one person more my enemy even than that lady? My own self.

Tell me if, when I returned to England in the year eight, with a few

thousand pounds, and was posted into the Laconia, if I had then written

to you, would you have answered my letter? Would you, in short, have

renewed the engagement then?"

"Would I!" was all her answer; but the accent was decisive enough.

"Good God!" he cried, "you would! It is not that I did not think of

it, or desire it, as what could alone crown all my other success; but I

was proud, too proud to ask again. I did not understand you. I shut

my eyes, and would not understand you, or do you justice. This is a

recollection which ought to make me forgive every one sooner than

myself. Six years of separation and suffering might have been spared.

It is a sort of pain, too, which is new to me. I have been used to the

gratification of believing myself to earn every blessing that I

enjoyed. I have valued myself on honourable toils and just rewards.

Like other great men under reverses," he added, with a smile. "I must

endeavour to subdue my mind to my fortune. I must learn to brook being

happier than I deserve."




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