“Well, yeah… someday.”
Her chin quivered. “That’s what I thought.” She pulled her hand out of his and stepped back, putting a mile of distance in the three feet of space between them. “There’s no point in us dating, then.”
“What? Gem, you’re talking crazy.”
“Oh, come on. Are you telling me you want to see where this goes, if it can get serious? Are you really thinking marriage? Kids? Because, Kynan, you know what I am. Have you considered the fact that if we had kids, they’d be a quarter demon? And not just demon. Soulshredder.”
Kynan’s mouth opened, but nothing came out. He hadn’t thought this far ahead, had been taking things day by day for so long.
“See? You can’t even try to reassure me.” Her voice was soft, resigned, not angry like he thought she had every right to be.
“It’s not that. It’s just… can’t we cross that bridge when we come to it?”
“No, we can’t. God, Kynan, I feel so strongly about you now. I can’t stand the thought that two years down the road, when I’m even more attached, you’d leave me because you want kids. And don’t say the kid thing wouldn’t be a big deal for you.”
“Gem. Listen to me. You know my stance on demons has changed. Some of my best friends are demons. And Tayla and you… the half-demon thing doesn’t bother me.”
“It doesn’t bother you now. But later?” She studied her shoes again. “Even if you decided you could live without kids in order to be with me, you’d grow to resent me.”
“Thanks for the faith,” he snapped. “While you were tagging me with unfair accusations, did you once sit back and think that maybe I should decide how opposed I am to having kids with demon blood running through them?”
She glared at him. “I’m just trying to save us both a lot of pain.”
“Bullshit. You’re punishing me for all those months you wanted me but I didn’t give you the time of day because you were a demon. I’m over that, Gem. I don’t care. Why don’t you get that?”
Her bitter laughter bounced off the walls in the narrow hallway, echoing darkly. “You’re the one who doesn’t get it. Want proof?” She put her palm on his chest. “I see your scars. It’s what I am. Soulshredder, remember? I can see all your past damage, and I know instantly what it’s about. And you know what? There’s this huge gash running right here, over your heart. It’s about Lori. And kids. And how you wanted them but she kept putting you off, and at some point before she betrayed you, you actually suspected, just for a minute, that maybe she was going to put you off forever. And then you’d be facing the hardest decision of your life. Keep her and not have kids, or leave her to find someone you could knock up. How close am I, Kynan? Because I gotta tell you, my demon half is really wanting to poke that wound and make it hurt.”
He felt the blood drain from his face, because he got it. He finally got it. She hid her inner demon well, but he needed to face the truth. Deep inside, she was a monster, a species of demon even other demons feared. He’d believed that just because he couldn’t see it, it didn’t matter. Didn’t exist.
But it did. He’d seen her shift into her hybrid form at the hospital, but it had all happened so quickly he’d barely paid attention. But that wasn’t true, was it? He’d shoved the image into the back of his mind, locked it up tight with all the other horrific memories he had. That was the only way a soldier or a medic could operate. If they dwelled on the things they’d seen, they’d end up eating the business end of a pistol.
He could keep that image stowed away, but was that fair to her? To him?
“So you’re finally getting it,” she rasped. Her eyes had begun to glow, little red sparks lighting the green depths. “As long as you don’t see the demon, you can deal. I’m good enough to f**k, but not good enough to marry or bear your children.”
“Stop it!” he barked. “Stop telling me what I think. What I feel. You have no idea.”
“Am I wrong?”
He no longer knew. His thoughts were so jumbled up with his emotions right now that he couldn’t think straight.
“That’s what I thought,” she said when he didn’t answer. The red melted from her eyes, and she sighed. “Look, let’s not make this harder than it is. Let’s end it while we still can. While we can be friends.”
God, his chest hurt. This couldn’t be happening. Just hours ago, they were happy. And now… now it was all ruined.
“It doesn’t have to be like this, Gem.”
“You know it does.” She put her key in the lock, but didn’t turn it. “What’s so funny about this is that a year ago I’d have taken whatever scraps you were willing to throw my way. If you’d only come over once a week for a quickie and then left without a word, I’d have been grateful. But something happened to me while you were gone. I got stronger. And now I want it all. I won’t settle. Not even for you.”
With that, she went up on her toes, brushed her lips across his, and disappeared into her apartment.
Eighteen
For the first time ever, Serena wasn’t sure she could eat, wasn’t sure why she’d decided to even try. She felt strangely vulnerable here in the dining car, sitting by herself at a table. Everyone stared at her, or so it seemed.
Someone had betrayed her. Someone had been feeding Byzamoth information from the day she arrived in Egypt, and now everything made sense. Byzamoth approaching her in the street, finding her in the catacombs, and at Philae, and at the Regent’s house.
God, she wanted to throw up.
She’d tried to call Val once she calmed down, but he hadn’t answered, so now she was stuck waiting, and she kept obsessively checking for a text message or voice mail while she waited for Josh to finish checking the train for demon activity.
Thank God for him. How many times had he saved her life now? He’d given her so much in just a few short days—friendship, protection, out-of-this-world orgasms.
She just wished he’d hurry. She’d never been nervous, had always been supremely confident, thanks to the charm, but suddenly she felt exposed, and the only safe harbor was in Josh’s arms.
The thought almost made her laugh, it sounded so cheesy. But it was true. Growing up, she’d felt secure with her mother despite the fact that for the first seven years of her life, death nipped at her heels. Her mother had kept her close, always, and even after she’d given up the charm to Serena, her protective, loving nature hadn’t changed. Later, after her mother’s death, Serena had been taken to the convent, where she’d felt as if nothing could touch her. The charm had given her an even more enhanced sense of security.
In a matter of days, a lifetime of security had been shattered.
Where was Josh?
She tucked her phone back into her pack and looked up to see him, finally, enter the dining car. Her heart pounded as he approached. He was so big, his presence so commanding that everyone stopped eating to stare. She knew from watching him for the past few days that if he looked at them, the men would avert their gazes. The women, however, admired him as though trying to decide what color bedsheets he’d look best tangled up in.
Personally, Serena thought he’d looked great in the hotel ones, his tanned skin contrasting beautifully with the crisp, white cotton.
His gaze held hers as he approached, his sapphire eyes targeting her like a sniper’s scope. Her breath left her lungs in a rush, because right now, in this moment, for him there was no other woman in the room.
He wore jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt that fit like a second skin and outlined every ropey muscle. His hair fell in a gorgeously messy curtain against his jaw and face, which seemed a little pale, his tattoo more prominent than before, and she wondered if he was feeling ill again.
“Hey,” he said, halting at the table.
“Hey.” She still couldn’t drag her gaze away from his. The sensation was hypnotic, and she was perfectly happy to be in this blissful trance. “Are you okay?”
“Motion sickness.” As he bent and planted a tender kiss on the top of her head, she inhaled, taking in that scent that was uniquely his, an earthy, burgundy musk that made her body bloom. He sank into the chair across from her. “Train makes me queasy.”
He was lying. He’d been sick too often, and she knew more than she wanted to about serious illness. Still, she didn’t think he’d appreciate her pressing the issue. But maybe later. After dinner. After they arrived in Alexandria. After they arrived back in the United States.
Because by now, she’d decided that she didn’t want to let him go. He made her laugh, made her feel safe and cared for. They both loved adventure, and they worked well together. She didn’t know how a relationship with him could possibly work without actual sex, but for the first time in her life, trying truly felt right.
Assuming he wanted the same thing.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Not really,” she admitted. “The idea that someone could be betraying me like that… and to a demon. God, who could do that? And why? It makes me sick.”
Some odd emotion crossed his face, but then it was gone. “Yeah.” He took a drink of the water the waiter had left. “Did you get a hold of Val?”
“No.”
“Serena… is it possible that he’s the one who—”
“No!” She lowered her voice. “Absolutely not. He’s watched over me for years, and my mom before that. He’s been more than our personal guardian. He’s a family friend. Besides, why would he send me to another country to get attacked? It makes no sense.”
“Evil rarely does.”
“He’s not evil.”
Josh shrugged, as if he wasn’t convinced, and her temper rose a notch. “Your mother died under his care, didn’t she?”
“I don’t like what you’re implying,” she bit out, because it was ridiculous to think he’d been responsible for her mother’s death in a car accident. “You don’t know him. If you did, you’d see. I wouldn’t have worked for him for so long if I’d had any doubts.”