PATHS AND POSSIBILITIES
I looked at Reth. Filled as I was, I could see better than ever through his natural form and straight to his soul. It was beautiful. Unlike the liquid flames he'd given me, his soul was stationary, crystallized. It was the same bright gold of all the other souls but utterly unchanging.
“I was going to be cross with you, calling an Unseelie faerie right to you. If you had died, I would have been very disappointed. But this worked out nicely. Now we don't have to waste time filling you.” He stood up straight, smiling. “We can get right to the fun part.”
“The fun part?” Even my voice sounded different; it was richer, layered, like multiple versions of myself were speaking at the same time. An immortal voice.
“Oh, yes.” He clapped his hands. “We can dance all night, every night, and you'll last forever now. Of course, there's work to do as well. But that can wait until after I've taken you around the court. They'll all be thrilled to meet you. And now that you'll be joining us, I can explain everything to you. Listen to me, prattling on. I'm so pleased we won, that you can come home with me where you belong.”
“Why?”
He looked puzzled. “Why what?”
“Why would I come with you?”
“Well, you certainly don't belong here anymore! You can feel it, can't you? The transience, the flimsiness of this world? Besides, it's impossible to keep anything clean.” He frowned down at his waistcoat and brushed at it. “And then there's the work to be done, gates to be opened, homes to find. I'm glad it's going to be your poem. Far more cheerful.”
“My poem.” I would have been eager to know before, desperate almost, but it was difficult to care, burning with life, so much life.
“Let's see, how did that one go...'Eyes like streams of melting snow,' and so striking, by the way. 'Cold with the things she does not know. Heaven above and Hell beneath, liquid flames will end her grief. With her fire, at last release. With her fire, at last release.'”
The house felt close--too confining, too temporary. The decay weighed me down. I walked to the front door, barely noticing when the doorknob melted in my hand. Stepping off the porch, I breathed in deeply and looked up at the sky. The stars, cold and bright, felt like good company. Odd shadows and hints of light surrounded me. I saw everything. Not only was every leaf, every blade of grass perfectly defined, there was more--just beyond what I was seeing.
“Evelyn, love, where are you going?” Reth caught up, standing next to me.
“The light and shadows. Where are they coming from?”
“Paths and possibilities. I can teach you how to manipulate them, if you'd like.”
I stared up at the stars. Lifting my burning hand, I held it flat against the air. “There's something here,” I said softly, my voice foreign and strange in my ears. There was so much more to this world, more than I had ever felt. “A door.”
Reth put his hand on my arm. “Oh, you don't need to bother with that. That's nothing. I'll make the door. You belong with me, by my side for eternity.”
I turned back to the sky. If I aligned those stars just right in my vision, it looked like a gate. Odd I'd never noticed.
“Evelyn, stop,” Reth said, an edge of panic in his voice now.
“Stop what?”
“You don't want to let them go. Not like this.”
I turned to him, frowning. “What are you talking about?”
“The souls. You need them. That is not the gate you're supposed to open.”
“My souls.” I sighed. I loved them. Closing my eyes, I breathed in deeply, tracing the energy, my energy, my souls. I was filled. But underneath, vague and gnawing, I felt off. It was too much, and not enough, all at the same time. The flames were stretching me, changing me. And while I was already full to bursting, I could feel the craving, the desire seeping in. “I want more,” I whispered.
“Well, that can be arranged. Come on.” Reth pulled gently on my arm. Why didn't I burn him?
Then I noticed lights. It took me several seconds to realize it was a car. It screeched to a stop in front of us and a man jumped out of the driver's side. His soul was a pale, quavering thing, already on the decline. It made me feel peaceful in a way I couldn't explain, tender toward its fragile beauty.
Then the other door opened. I went rigid. If I had thought Reth's was beautiful, it was nothing to this soul. It filled the night with light, dancing and rippling like the reflection on a pond. I hadn't seen many souls, but I knew that this one was special. I wanted it. I needed it.
“Evie!”
I blinked, trying to filter through my disconnect and place the voice.
“Evie, are you okay?”
“Lend.” My Lend. It clicked into place. That soul was my Lend. I clenched my hands into fists at my side. I shouldn't take that one.
“What's--Your voice, it's different. What did he do to you?”
I squinted, trying to see Lend's face over his soul. Maybe if I could see his face I wouldn't want him so badly, maybe I'd be able to stop. I lifted one hand toward him.
“Oh, go ahead,” Reth said. “He doesn't matter. But do hurry, we should be getting along.”
“What happened?” Lend ran up to me, within reach. I wanted to cry as I put my hand on his chest, but I couldn't. It had to be mine. I opened up the channel--
And gasped. In that moment, touching Lend's soul, I finally connected with my own. It had been lost in the swirl of new souls, overwhelmed. But my soul knew Lend's, loved it, and it was enough.
I pulled my hand back before Lend lost anything. Closing my eyes, I held onto that recognition, focused on my own soul in the flames. And then I noticed the individuals. Hundreds of them, freed from Vivian only to be trapped again. My breath caught--I felt Lish's. I knew it was hers. Gentle and intelligent, swirling nearest to my heart. I wanted to keep her with me forever.
The guilt came then and I tried to push it down. If I let them go, I didn't belong with Lend. Not with the soul I'd seen. I'd burn out and he'd continue, eternal and breathtaking. Just like Vivian had said.
“If I keep them, I could stay with you.” Tears streamed down my face.
“Keep what?”
“The souls.”
“The--what?”
“I took them, from Vivian.”
“Vivian's here?” He looked around, panicked.
“Not anymore.” I shook my head sadly. “But, Lend, I've got them--they're inside me.”
“What do you mean? You took the souls?” His voice was concerned and scared.
I was ready to argue, explain why I had to keep them. But watching his soul dancing in front of me, I knew I couldn't. I couldn't be with him, not like this. I wouldn't deserve to. This immortality, this life exploding within me--it wasn't mine. I couldn't ask Lend to love me like this. My own soul was the only one I could offer. Now that I knew I had one, it was enough. I had never been empty.
“I have to let them go,” I whispered.
“Let the souls go?”
“They need to be released.”
“Not yet!” Reth said, anger twisting his smooth, golden voice.
I looked back at the stars. The souls nudged me forward, guiding my hand up.
“Evie!” Lend said, panicked.
I looked down at him. I was rising into the air; I couldn't stop. If I didn't release them now, I didn't think I'd be able to. Finding the outline of the stars, I pushed my hand forward--and met resistance. This was it.
“Stop.” Reth's voice was hard, commanding. My arms wouldn't move. “That is not the gate you need to open. If you let them go now, all this will be wasted. We need those souls! This is not the right gate.”
I focused, willing the fire to concentrate in my arm. It grew even brighter, turning from gold to pure white, blinding in its intensity. And then, still pulling against the power of Reth's voice, I lifted a single finger and traced the stars, the light leaving a trail of white between each point until the entire gate was outlined.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “Go,” I whispered. For the briefest moment I felt peace, gratitude; then excruciating pain as the fire ripped straight out of my body and shot through the gate of stars. Just when I thought I could stand the pain no longer, it was over. Almost. A single lingering soul--Lish, my Lish--paused, passing through my heart in what I knew was her last good-bye.
As my body went cold and dark I fell toward the earth, wondering again what death would feel like. I smiled, grateful I had at least known my own soul if only for a moment, and then everything went black.