Your poor oppressed, broken spirited servant. I took a copy of this for your perusal, my dear parents, if I shall ever
be so happy to see you again; (for I hope my conduct will be approved
of by you;) and at night, when Sir Simon was gone, he sent for me down.
Well, said he, have you considered my proposals? Yes, sir, said I, I
have: and there is my answer: But pray let me not see you read it. Is it
your bashfulness, said he, or your obstinacy, that makes you not choose
I should read it before you? I offered to go away; and he said, Don't run from me; I won't read it
till you are gone. But, said he, tell me, Pamela, whether you comply
with my proposals, or not? Sir, said I, you will see presently; pray
don't hold me; for he took my hand. Said he, Did you well consider
before you answered?--I did, sir, said I. If it be not what you think
will please me, said he, dear girl, take it back again, and reconsider
it; for if I have this as your absolute answer, and I don't like it, you
are undone; for I will not sue meanly, where I can command. I fear, said
he, it is not what I like, by your manner: and let me tell you, that I
cannot bear denial. If the terms I have offered are not sufficient, I
will augment them to two-thirds of my estate; for, said he, and swore a
dreadful oath, I cannot live without you: and, since the thing is gone
so far, I will not! And so he clasped me in his arms in such a manner as
quite frightened me; and kissed me two or three times.
I got from him, and run up stairs, and went to the closet, and was quite
uneasy and fearful. In an hour's time he called Mrs. Jewkes down to him! And I heard him
very high in passion: and all about me! And I heard her say, It was his
own fault; there would be an end of all my complaining and perverseness,
if he was once resolved; and other most impudent aggravations. I am
resolved not to go to bed this night, if I can help it!--Lie still, lie
still, my poor fluttering heart!--What will become of me!
Almost twelve o'clock, Saturday night. He sent Mrs. Jewkes, about ten o'clock, to tell me to come to him.
Where? said I. I'll shew you, said she. I went down three or four steps,
and saw her making to his chamber, the door of which was open: So I
said, I cannot go there!--Don't be foolish, said she; but come; no harm
will be done to you!--Well, said I, if I die, I cannot go there. I heard
him say, Let her come, or it shall be worse for her. I can't bear,
said he, to speak to her myself!--Well, said I, I cannot come, indeed I
cannot; and so I went up again into my closet, expecting to be fetched
by force. But she came up soon after, and bid me make haste to bed: Said I, I will
not go to bed this night, that's certain!--Then, said she, you shall
be made to come to bed; and Nan and I will undress you. I knew neither
prayers nor tears would move this wicked woman: So I said, I am sure you
will let master in, and I shall be undone! Mighty piece of undone! she
said: but he was too much exasperated against me, to be so familiar with
me, she would assure me!--Ay, said she, you'll be disposed of another
way soon, I can tell you for your comfort: and I hope your husband will
have your obedience, though nobody else can have it. No husband in the
world, said I, shall make me do an unjust or base thing.--She said, That
would be soon tried; and Nan coming in, What! said I, am I to have two
bed-fellows again, these warm nights? Yes, said she, slippery-one, you
are, till you can have one good one instead of us. Said I, Mrs. Jewkes,
don't talk nastily to me: I see you are beginning again; and I shall
affront you, may be; for next to bad actions, are bad words; for they
could not be spoken, if they were not in the heart.--Come to bed,
purity! said she. You are a nonsuch, I suppose. Indeed, said I, I can't
come to bed; and it will do you no harm to let me stay all night in the
great chair. Nan, said she, undress my young lady. If she won't let you,
I'll help you; and, if neither of us can do it quietly, we'll call my
master to do it for us; though, said she, I think it an office worthier
of Monsieur Colbrand!--You are very wicked, said I. I know it, said she;
I am a Jezebel, and a London prostitute, you know. You did great feats,
said I, to tell my master all this poor stuff; but you did not tell him
how you beat me. No, lambkin, said she, (a word I had not heard a good
while,) that I left for you to tell and you was going to do it if the
vulture had not taken the wolf's part, and bid the poor innocent lamb
be silent!--Ay, said I, no matter for your fleers, Mrs. Jewkes; though
I can have neither justice nor mercy here, and cannot be heard in my
defence, yet a time will come, may be, when I shall be heard, and when
your own guilt will strike you dumb.--Ay! spirit, said she; and
the vulture too! Must we both be dumb? Why that, lambkin, will be
pretty!--Then, said the wicked one, you'll have all the talk to
yourself!--Then how will the tongue of the pretty lambkin bleat out
innocence, and virtue, and honesty, till the whole trial be at an
end!--You're a wicked woman, that's certain, said I; and if you thought
any thing of another world, could not talk thus. But no wonder!--It
shews what hands I'm got into!--Ay, so it does, said she; but I beg
you'll undress, and come to bed, or I believe your innocence won't keep
you from still worse hands. I will come to bed, said I, if you will let
me have the keys in my own hand; not else, if I can help it. Yes, said
she, and then, hey for another contrivance, another escape!--No, no,
said I, all my contrivances are over, I'll assure you! Pray let me have
the keys, and I will come to bed. She came to me, and took me in her
huge arms, as if I was a feather: Said she, I do this to shew you what
a poor resistance you can make against me, if I please to exert myself;
and so, lambkin, don't say to your wolf, I won't come to bed!--And set
me down, and tapped me on the neck: Ah! said she, thou art a pretty
creature, 'tis true; but so obstinate! so full of spirit! if thy
strength was but answerable to that, thou would'st run away with us all,
and this great house too on thy back!--But, undress, undress, I tell
you. Well, said I, I see my misfortunes make you very merry, and very witty
too: but I will love you, if you will humour me with the keys of the
chamber-doors.--Are you sure you will love me? said she: Now speak your
conscience!--Why, said I, you must not put it so close; neither would
you, if you thought you had not given reason to doubt it!--But I will
love you as well as I can!--I would not tell a wilful lie: and if I did,
you would not believe me, after your hard usage of me. Well, said she,
that's all fair, I own!--But Nan, pray pull off my young lady's shoes
and stockings.--No, pray don't, said I; I will come to bed presently,
since I must. And so I went to the closet, and scribbled a little about this idle
chit-chat. And she being importunate, I was forced to go to bed; but
with some of my clothes on, as the former night; and she let me hold the
two keys; for there are two locks, there being a double door; and so I
got a little sleep that night, having had none for two or three nights
before. I can't imagine what she means; but Nan offered to talk a little once
or twice; and she snubbed her, and said, I charge you, wench, don't open
your lips before me; and if you are asked any questions by Mrs. Pamela,
don't answer her one word, while I am here!--But she is a lordly woman
to the maid-servants; and that has always been her character: O how
unlike good Mrs. Jervis in every thing. Sunday morning.