LETTER XXVIII
DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER, John says you wept when you read my last letter, that he carried. I am
sorry you let him see that; for they all mistrust already how matters
are, and as it is no credit that I have been attempted, though it is
that I have resisted; yet I am sorry they have cause to think so evil of
my master from any of us. Mrs. Jervis has made up her accounts with Mr. Longman, and will stay in
her place. I am glad of it, for her own sake, and for my master's; for
she has a good master of him; so indeed all have, but poor me--and he
has a good housekeeper in her. Mr. Longman, it seems, took upon him to talk to my master, how faithful
and careful of his interests she was, and how exact in her accounts;
and he told him, there was no comparison between her accounts and Mrs.
Jewkes's, at the Lincolnshire estate. He said so many fine things, it seems, of Mrs. Jervis, that my master
sent for her in Mr. Longman's presence, and said Pamela might come along
with her; I suppose to mortify me, that I must go while she was to stay:
But as, when I go away, I am not to go with her, nor was she to go with
me; so I did not matter it much; only it would have been creditable to
such a poor girl, that the housekeeper would bear me company, if I went. Said he to her, Well, Mrs. Jervis, Longman says you have made up your
accounts with him with your usual fidelity and exactness. I had a good
mind to make you an offer of continuing with me, if you can be a little
sorry for your hasty words, which, indeed, were not so respectful as
I have deserved at your hands. She seemed at a sad loss what to say,
because Mr. Longman was there, and she could not speak of the occasion
of those words, which was me. Indeed, said Mr. Longman, I must needs say before your face, that since
I have known my master's family, I have never found such good management
in it, nor so much love and harmony neither. I wish the Lincolnshire
estate was as well served!--No more of that, said my master; but Mrs.
Jervis may stay, if she will: and here, Mrs. Jervis, pray accept of
this, which at the close of every year's accounts I will present you
with, besides your salary, as long as I find your care so useful and
agreeable. And he gave her five guineas.--She made him a low courtesy,
and thanking him, looked to me, as if she would have spoken to me. He took her meaning, I believe; for he said,--Indeed I love to encourage
merit and obligingness, Longman; but I can never be equally kind to
those who don't deserve it at my hands, as to those who do; and then he
looked full on me. Longman, continued he, I said that girl might come
in with Mrs. Jervis, because they love to be always together. For Mrs.
Jervis is very good to her, and loves her as well as if she was her
daughter. But else--Mr. Longman, interrupting him, said, Good to Mrs.
Pamela! Ay, sir, and so she is, to be sure! But every body must be good
to her; for---He was going on: but my master said, No more, no more, Mr. Longman. I
see old men are taken with pretty young girls, as well as other folks;
and fair looks hide many a fault, where a person has the art to behave
obligingly. Why, and please your honour, said Mr. Longman, every
body--and was going on, I believe, to say something more in my praise,
but he interrupted him, and said, Not a word more of this Pamela. I
can't let her stay, I'll assure you; not only for her own freedom of
speech, but her letter-writing of all the secrets of my family. Ay, said
the good old man, I am sorry for that too! But, sir,--No more, I say,
said my master; for my reputation is so well known, (mighty fine,
thought I!) that I care not what any body writes or says of me: But to
tell you the truth, (not that it need go further,) I think of changing
my condition soon; and, you know, young ladies of birth and fortune will
choose their own servants, and that's my chief reason why Pamela can't
stay. As for the rest, said he, the girl is a good sort of body,
take her altogether; though I must needs say, a little pert, since my
mother's death, in her answers, and gives me two words for one; which I
can't bear; nor is there reason I should, you know, Longman. No, to be
sure, sir, said he: but 'tis strange, methinks, she should be so mild
and meek to every one of us in the house, and forget herself so, where
she should shew most respect! Very true, Mr. Longman, said he, but so it
is, I'll assure you; and it was from her pertness, that Mrs. Jervis and
I had the words: And I should mind it the less, but that the girl (there
she stands, I say it to her face) has wit and sense above her years, and
knows better. I was in great pain to say something, but yet I knew not what, before
Mr. Longman; and Mrs. Jervis looked at me, and walked to the window to
hide her concern for me. At last, I said, It is for you, sir, to say
what you please; and for me only to say, God bless your honour! Poor Mr. Longman faltered in his speech, and was ready to cry. Said my
insulting master to me, Why, pr'ythee, Pamela, now, shew thyself as thou
art, before Longman. Can'st not give him a specimen of that pertness
which thou hast exercised upon me sometimes? Did he not, my dear father and mother, deserve all the truth to be told?
Yet I overcame myself so far, as to say, Well, your honour may play upon
a poor girl, that you know call answer you, but dare not. Why, pr'ythee now, insinuator, said he, say the worst you can before
Longman and Mrs. Jervis. I challenge the utmost of thy impertinence:
and as you are going away, and have the love of every body, I would be
a little justified to my family, that you have no reason to complain
of hardships from me, as I have pert saucy answers from you, besides
exposing me by your letters. Surely, sir, said I, I am of no consequence equal to this, in your
honour's family, that such a great gentleman as you, should need to
justify yourself about me. I am glad Mrs. Jervis stays with your honour;
and I know I have not deserved to stay: and, more than that, I don't
desire to stay. Ads-bobbers! said Mr. Longman, and ran to me; don't say so, don't say
so, dear Mrs. Pamela! We all love you dearly: and pray down of your
knees, and ask his honour pardon, and we will all become pleaders in a
body, and I, and Mrs. Jervis too, at the head of it, to beg his honour's
pardon, and to continue you, at least, till his honour marries.--No, Mr.
Longman, said I, I cannot ask; nor will I stay, if I might. All I desire
is, to return to my poor father and mother: and though I love you all, I
won't stay.--O well-a-day, well-a-day! said the good old man, I did not
expect this!--When I had got matters thus far, and had made all up for
Mrs. Jervis, I was in hopes to have got a double holiday of joy for all
the family, in your pardon too. Well, said my master, this is a little
specimen of what I told you, Longman. You see there's a spirit you did
not expect. Mrs. Jervis told me after, that she could stay no longer, to hear me so
hardly used; and must have spoken, had she staid, what would never have
been forgiven her; so she went out. I looked after her to go too; but
my master said, Come, Pamela, give another specimen, I desire you, to
Longman I am sure you must, if you will but speak. Well, sir, said I,
since it seems your greatness wants to be justified by my lowness, and
I have no desire you should suffer in the sight of your family, I will
say, on my bended knees, (and so I kneeled down,) that I have been a
very faulty, and a very ungrateful creature to the best of masters: I
have been very perverse and saucy; and have deserved nothing at your
hands but to be turned out of your family with shame and disgrace. I,
therefore, have nothing to say for myself, but that I am not worthy to
stay, and so cannot wish to stay, and will not stay: And so God Almighty
bless you, and you Mr. Longman, and good Mrs. Jervis, and every living
soul of the family! and I will pray for you as long as I live!--And so
I rose up, and was forced to lean upon my master's elbow-chair, or I
should have sunk down. The poor old man wept more than I, and said, Ads-bobbers, was ever the
like heard! 'Tis too much, too much; I can't bear it. As I hope to live,
I am quite melted. Dear sir, forgive her! The poor thing prays for
you; she prays for us all! She owns her fault; yet won't be forgiven! I
profess I know not what to make of it. My master himself, hardened wretch as he was, seemed a little moved, and
took his handkerchief out of his pocket, and walked to the window:
What sort of a day is it? said he.--And then, getting a little more
hard-heartedness, he said, Well, you may be gone from my presence, thou
strange medley of inconsistence! but you shan't stay after your time in
the house. Nay, pray, sir, pray, sir, said the good old man, relent a little.
Ads-heartikins! you young gentlemen are made of iron and steel, I think;
I'm sure, said he, my heart's turned into butter, and is running away
at my eyes. I never felt the like before.--Said my master, with an
imperious tone, Get out of my presence, hussy! I can't bear you in my
sight. Sir, said I, I'm going as fast as I can. But, indeed, my dear father and mother, my head was so giddy, and my
limbs trembled so, that I was forced to go holding by the wainscot all
the way with both my hands, and thought I should not have got to the
door: But when I did, as I hoped this would be my last interview with
this terrible hard-hearted master, I turned about, and made a low
courtesy, and said, God bless you, sir! God bless you, Mr. Longman!
and I went into the lobby leading to the great hall, and dropt into the
first chair; for I could get no farther a good while. I leave all these things to your reflection, my dear parents but I can
write no more. My poor heart's almost broken! Indeed it is--O when shall
I get away!--Send me, good God, in safety, once more to my poor father's
peaceful cot!--and there the worst that can happen will be joy in
perfection to what I now bear!--O pity Your distressed DAUGHTER.