O, sir, said she, for your honour's sake, and for Christ's sake!--But
he would not hear her, and said--For your own sake, I tell you, Mrs.
Jervis, say not a word more. I have done her no harm. And I won't have
her stay in my house; prating, perverse fool, as she is! But since she
is so apt to fall into fits, or at least pretend to do so, prepare her
to see me to-morrow after dinner, in my mother's closet, and do you be
with her, and you shall hear what passes between us.
And so he went out in a pet, and ordered his chariot and four to be got
ready, and went a visiting somewhere.
Mrs. Jervis then came to me, and I told her all that had happened, and
said, I was resolved not to stay in the house: And she replying, He
seemed to threaten as much; I said, I am glad of that; then I shall be
easy. So she told me all he had said to her, as above.
Mrs. Jervis is very loath I should go; and yet, poor woman! she begins
to be afraid for herself; but would not have me ruined for the world.
She says to be sure he means no good; but may be, now he sees me so
resolute, he will give over all attempts; and that I shall better know
what to do after tomorrow, when I am to appear before a very bad judge,
I doubt. O how I dread this to-morrow's appearance! But be as assured, my dear
parents, of the honesty of your poor child, as I am of your prayers for
Your dutiful DAUGHTER.
O this frightful to-morrow; how I dread it!
LETTER XVI
MY DEAR PARENTS,
I know you longed to hear from me soon; and I send you as soon as I
could. Well, you may believe how uneasily I passed the time, till his appointed
hour came. Every minute, as it grew nearer, my terrors increased; and
sometimes I had great courage, and sometimes none at all; and I thought
I should faint when it came to the time my master had dined. I could
neither eat nor drink, for my part; and do what I could, my eyes were
swelled with crying. At last he went up to the closet, which was my good lady's
dressing-room; a room I once loved, but then as much hated.
Don't your heart ache for me?--I am sure mine fluttered about like a
new-caught bird in a cage. O Pamela, said I to myself, why art thou so
foolish and fearful? Thou hast done no harm! What, if thou fearest an
unjust judge, when thou art innocent, would'st thou do before a just
one, if thou wert guilty? Have courage, Pamela, thou knowest the worst!
And how easy a choice poverty and honesty is, rather than plenty and
wickedness. So I cheered myself; but yet my poor heart sunk, and my spirits were
quite broken. Everything that stirred, I thought was to call me to my
account. I dreaded it, and yet I wished it to come.