And so I am to be exposed, am I, said he, in my own house, and out of
my house, to the whole world, by such a sauce-box as you? No, good sir,
said I, and I hope your honour won't be angry with me; it is not I
that expose you, if I say nothing but the truth. So, taunting again!
Assurance as you are! said he: I will not be thus talked to!
Pray, sir, said I, of whom can a poor girl take advice, if it must not
be of her father and mother, and such a good woman as Mrs. Jervis, who,
for her sex-sake, should give it me when asked? Insolence! said he, and
stamped with his foot, am I to be questioned thus by such a one as you?
I fell down on my knees, and said, For Heaven's sake, your honour, pity
a poor creature, that knows nothing of her duty, but how to cherish her
virtue and good name: I have nothing else to trust to: and, though poor
and friendless here, yet I have always been taught to value honesty
above my life. Here's ado with your honesty, said he, foolish girl! Is
it not one part of honesty to be dutiful and grateful to your master, do
you think? Indeed, sir, said I, it is impossible I should be ungrateful
to your honour, or disobedient, or deserve the names of bold-face or
insolent, which you call me, but when your commands are contrary to that
first duty which shall ever be the principle of my life!
He seemed to be moved, and rose up, and walked into the great chamber
two or three turns, leaving me on my knees; and I threw my apron over my
face, and laid my head on a chair, and cried as if my heart would break,
having no power to stir. At last he came in again, but, alas! with mischief in his heart! and
raising me up, he said, Rise, Pamela, rise; you are your own enemy. Your
perverse folly will be your ruin: I tell you this, that I am very
much displeased with the freedoms you have taken with my name to my
housekeeper, as also to your father and mother; and you may as well have
real cause to take these freedoms with me, as to make my name suffer for
imaginary ones. And saying so, he offered to take me on his knee, with
some force. O how I was terrified! I said, like as I had read in a book
a night or two before, Angels and saints, and all the host of heaven,
defend me! And may I never survive one moment that fatal one in which I
shall forfeit my innocence! Pretty fool! said he, how will you forfeit
your innocence, if you are obliged to yield to a force you cannot
withstand? Be easy, said he; for let the worst happen that can, you
will have the merit, and I the blame; and it will be a good subject for
letters to your father and mother, and a tale into the bargain for Mrs.
Jervis