But, sir, said I, you know, that what I did was to try to reconcile my
lady; and, as she herself observed, it was paying her a high regard. It
was so, replied he; but never think of making a compliment to her, or
any body living, at my expense. Besides, she had behaved herself so
intolerably, that I began to think you had stooped too much, and more
than I ought to permit my wife to do; and acts of meanness are what I
can't endure in any body, but especially where I love: and as she had
been guilty of a very signal one, I had much rather have renounced her
at that time, than have been reconciled to her.
Sir, said I, I hope I shall always comport myself so, as not wilfully
to disoblige you for the future; and the rather do I hope this, as I
am sure I shall want only to know your pleasure to obey it. But this
instance shews me, that I may much offend, without designing it in the
least. Now, Pamela, replied he, don't be too serious: I hope I shan't be a very
tyrannical husband to you: Yet do I not pretend to be perfect, or to
be always governed by reason in my first transports; and I expect, from
your affection, that you will bear with me when you find me wrong. I
have no ungrateful spirit, and can, when cool, enter as impartially
into myself as most men; and then I am always kind and acknowledging, in
proportion as I have been out of the way.
But to convince you, my dear, continued he, of your fault, (I mean, with
regard to the impetuosity of my temper; for there was no fault in your
intention, that I acknowledge,) I'll observe only, that you met, when
you came to me, while I was so out of humour, a reception you did not
expect, and a harsh word or two that you did not deserve. Now, had you
not broken in upon me while my anger lasted, but staid till I had come
to you, or sent to desire your company, you'd have seen none of this;
but that affectionate behaviour, which I doubt not you'll always merit,
and I shall always take pleasure in expressing: and in this temper shall
you always find a proper influence over me: But you must not suppose,
whenever I am out of humour, that, in opposing yourself to my passion,
you oppose a proper butt to it; but when you are so good, like the
slender reed, to bend to the hurricane, rather than, like the sturdy
oak, to resist it, you will always stand firm in my kind opinion, while
a contrary conduct would uproot you, with all your excellencies, from my
soul. Sir, said I, I will endeavour to conform myself, in all things, to your
will. I make no doubt but you will: and I'll endeavour to make my will
as conformable to reason as I can. And let me tell you, that this belief
of you is one of the inducements I have had to marry at all: for nobody
was more averse to this state than myself; and, now we are upon this
subject, I'll tell you why I was so averse.