Then I had found out Rush wasn’t the only one with a celebrity father. Kiro Manning had been my dad all along. Yet he had never claimed me or tried to have any relationship with me. That had almost cracked me and the steel walls around my heart. His refusal to acknowledge me had almost made me completely lose my mind. Rush had been there, though, and he’d loved me. He had always been the one to love me. When no one else did, my big brother accepted me no matter how awful I acted. He didn’t approve, but he saw the me underneath.
Then Blaire had taken him from me. She’d won his heart and given him a son, and now he had little room for his messed-up sister. I hated Blaire for that. I hated that she took him away. I wanted to hate their kid, too, but damned if Nate wasn’t the cutest kid in the world. I couldn’t hate him. It was impossible.
Grant Carter had stepped in and been there when I needed someone to care. Rush was busy with his new family, and Grant had taken over his role with a different twist. Grant wasn’t my brother, and he was gorgeous. So we started screwing around, too—a friends-with-benefits thing. He didn’t expect me to be nice, and I didn’t expect him to just f**k me. He was so sweet at times, and he made things better when no one else could. Or even wanted to. He knew how to make me laugh.
But just like any good thing that comes my way, I pushed him away because I had let him get too close. I refused to accept that maybe he could love me. I was terrified to open myself up to rejection yet again.
While I was pushing Grant away, his head was turned by the complete opposite of me. A girl who had the love of her father. She was quiet and unassuming. She wasn’t mean to anyone. Ever. She was matter-of-fact but soft-spoken. She was the perfect person for Grant. I was not. I was the f**ked-up brat who didn’t feel secure enough to let herself get close to someone.
Grant fell in love with that girl, and it happened right under my nose. While I was screaming and cursing, she was quiet and calm. It would have taken an idiot not to choose her. She was the easy one to love. I was impossible.
I looked down at the invitation again. Harlow Manning had never done anything to me other than have the love of a father we shared. It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t beg for it or demand it—she just had it. I could blame her, but it would be pointless. From what I had seen, her life hadn’t been peaches just because Kiro Manning loved her. He still sucked balls at being a father. But then, having a rock star for a parent was never a positive thing.
I had been unfair to her . . . no, I had been cruel to her. But I had paid my dues. I made up for my wrongs with her. Now I could walk away and let Grant and Harlow Carter live their happily ever after. They had a baby girl and a house with a white picket fence. That was what they both deserved.
I didn’t deserve shit. I was alone in this world, and it was all my fault. I didn’t see that ever changing, because I would have to let the me I once was free, and I couldn’t do that again. Any more rejection, and I wasn’t sure I’d make it. Finding a reason to live was becoming more and more difficult.
This was my life. And I’d created it.
Grant
Harlow hadn’t even flinched when I’d said we didn’t need to send my dad an invitation to the wedding. He’d never mentioned his visit to our house, but Harlow had told me every detail. If he didn’t want to say anything to me about my baby girl, then he didn’t deserve to be a part of my wedding.
However, I had flinched when she’d said she wanted to invite Nan. Harlow’s whole attitude toward Nan had changed ever since she found out about Nan giving her blood. Although Nan was already back to her normal nasty self, as far as I could tell. I had seen her at the club bitching at Rush about something. Her haughty glares were also firmly in place. She hadn’t even acknowledged Blaire when she’d walked up to Rush. Didn’t seem to matter with Harlow, though. She would never forget what Nan had done. It was hard for me to forget, too. If she wanted to invite Nan and try to reach out to her, then I was more than willing to let her. However, all bets were off the moment Nan did anything that upset Harlow. I had my limits.
The rest of the invitations were sent out to everyone we loved and cared about in our lives. Lila Kate had lain in a blanket on the floor while we sat down at the table beside her and addressed all the envelopes. She had been happy to listen to us talk. It was moments like these that made me get choked up. The idea that I almost didn’t have this got to me if I dwelled on it too much.
The girls had been getting ready upstairs while I had breakfast. I heard Harlow talking to Lila Kate as she walked down the stairs, and I set down my cup of coffee and went to meet them. Harlow was dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, since the fall was finally starting to show up. It was normally warm here until November, but we were getting a few cooler days already.
Lila Kate had a whole new wardrobe now, thanks to Blaire. She had come over with preemie clothing, because nothing but the baby gowns fit her, and even those were big. Harlow didn’t want to leave the house yet, so Blaire had brought the clothes to her. They had gone through what looked like hundreds of outfits before settling on the ones that Harlow liked best. Today she had dressed her in a onesie covered in lots of yellow butterflies.
“Look who’s waiting for you,” Harlow said as she reached the bottom step. “Daddy’s here.”
“I was actually waiting for both of you,” I told her, and kissed her lips. “You look good enough to eat this morning.”
Harlow giggled. “That can be arranged.”