'Nay, I have done; you get no more of me:

And I am glad, yea glad with all my heart,

That thus so clearly I myself am free.'

DRAYTON.

Margaret shut herself up in her own room, after she had quitted

Mrs. Thornton. She began to walk backwards and forwards, in her

old habitual way of showing agitation; but, then, remembering

that in that slightly-built house every step was heard from one

room to another, she sate down until she heard Mrs. Thornton go

safely out of the house. She forced herself to recollect all the

conversation that had passed between them; speech by speech, she

compelled her memory to go through with it. At the end, she rose

up, and said to herself, in a melancholy tone:

'At any rate, her words do not touch me; they fall off from me;

for I am innocent of all the motives she attributes to me. But

still, it is hard to think that any one--any woman--can believe

all this of another so easily. It is hard and sad. Where I have

done wrong, she does not accuse me--she does not know. He never

told her: I might have known he would not!'

She lifted up her head, as if she took pride in any delicacy of

feeling which Mr. Thornton had shown. Then, as a new thought came

across her, she pressed her hands tightly together.

'He, too, must take poor Frederick for some lover.' (She blushed

as the word passed through her mind.) 'I see it now. It is not

merely that he knows of my falsehood, but he believes that some

one else cares for me; and that I----Oh dear!--oh dear! What

shall I do? What do I mean? Why do I care what he thinks, beyond

the mere loss of his good opinion as regards my telling the truth

or not? I cannot tell. But I am very miserable! Oh, how unhappy

this last year has been! I have passed out of childhood into old

age. I have had no youth--no womanhood; the hopes of womanhood

have closed for me--for I shall never marry; and I anticipate

cares and sorrows just as if I were an old woman, and with the

same fearful spirit. I am weary of this continual call upon me

for strength. I could bear up for papa; because that is a

natural, pious duty. And I think I could bear up against--at any

rate, I could have the energy to resent, Mrs. Thornton's unjust,

impertinent suspicions.

But it is hard to feel how completely he

must misunderstand me. What has happened to make me so morbid

to-day? I do not know. I only know I cannot help it. I must give

way sometimes. No, I will not, though,' said she, springing to

her feet. 'I will not--I will not think of myself and my own

position. I won't examine into my own feelings. It would be of no

use now. Some time, if I live to be an old woman, I may sit over

the fire, and, looking into the embers, see the life that might

have been.' All this time, she was hastily putting on her things to go out,

only stopping from time to time to wipe her eyes, with an

impatience of gesture at the tears that would come, in spite of

all her bravery.




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