'I have found that holy place of rest

Still changeless.'

MRS. HEMANS.

When Mr. Thornton had left the house that morning he was almost

blinded by his baffled passion. He was as dizzy as if Margaret,

instead of looking, and speaking, and moving like a tender

graceful woman, had been a sturdy fish-wife, and given him a

sound blow with her fists. He had positive bodily pain,--a

violent headache, and a throbbing intermittent pulse. He could

not bear the noise, the garish light, the continued rumble and

movement of the street.

He called himself a fool for suffering

so; and yet he could not, at the moment, recollect the cause of

his suffering, and whether it was adequate to the consequences it

had produced. It would have been a relief to him, if he could

have sat down and cried on a door-step by a little child, who was

raging and storming, through his passionate tears, at some injury

he had received. He said to himself, that he hated Margaret, but

a wild, sharp sensation of love cleft his dull, thunderous

feeling like lightning, even as he shaped the words expressive of

hatred. His greatest comfort was in hugging his torment; and in

feeling, as he had indeed said to her, that though she might

despise him, contemn him, treat him with her proud sovereign

indifference, he did not change one whit. She could not make him

change. He loved her, and would love her; and defy her, and this

miserable bodily pain.

He stood still for a moment, to make this resolution firm and

clear. There was an omnibus passing--going into the country; the

conductor thought he was wishing for a place, and stopped near

the pavement. It was too much trouble to apologise and explain;

so he mounted upon it, and was borne away,--past long rows of

houses--then past detached villas with trim gardens, till they

came to real country hedge-rows, and, by-and-by, to a small

country town. Then every body got down; and so did Mr. Thornton,

and because they walked away he did so too. He went into the

fields, walking briskly, because the sharp motion relieved his

mind.

He could remember all about it now; the pitiful figure he

must have cut; the absurd way in which he had gone and done the

very thing he had so often agreed with himself in thinking would

be the most foolish thing in the world; and had met with exactly

the consequences which, in these wise moods, he had always

fore-told were certain to follow, if he ever did make such a fool

of himself. Was he bewitched by those beautiful eyes, that soft,

half-open, sighing mouth which lay so close upon his shoulder

only yesterday? He could not even shake off the recollection that

she had been there; that her arms had been round him, once--if

never again. He only caught glimpses of her; he did not

understand her altogether. At one time she was so brave, and at

another so timid; now so tender, and then so haughty and

regal-proud. And then he thought over every time he had ever seen

her once again, by way of finally forgetting her. He saw her in

every dress, in every mood, and did not know which became her

best. Even this morning, how magnificent she had looked,--her

eyes flashing out upon him at the idea that, because she had

shared his danger yesterday, she had cared for him the least!




readonlinefreebook.com Copyright 2016 - 2024