I flip a few pages forward.
We have to move out of our house. Dad’s lawyer told us today. The court is seizing it to pay off his debt. I only know this because I was listening outside of the office door when he told Mom. As soon as he left, she locked herself in her bedroom and hasn’t come out in two days. We have to be out of our house in five. I started packing some of our stuff, but I’m not even sure what we’re allowed to keep. Or where we are supposed to go. My hair started falling out about a week ago. In big chunks when I brush it and when I’m in the shower. And yesterday, Janette got in trouble at school for scratching a girl on the face when she made fun of the fact our dad is in prison.
I have a couple thousand dollars in my savings account, but seriously, who is going to rent me an apartment? I don’t know what to do. I still haven’t seen Silas, but he comes every day. I make Janette tell him to go away. I’m so embarrassed. Everyone is talking about us, even my friends. Annika accidentally included me in a group text where they were sending each other prison memes. Come to think of it, I don’t think it was an accident. She’d love to get her claws into Silas. Now’s her chance. As soon as he realizes what an embarrassment my family has become, he won’t want anything to do with me.
Ugh. Was that the type of person I was? Why did she think that? I would never…I don’t think I would ever…
Would I…? I close the journal and rub my forehead. I’m getting a headache, and I don’t feel any closer to figuring this out. I decide to read one more page.
I miss my house. It’s not my house anymore, so can I still say that? I miss what used to be my house. Sometimes I go there, just stand across the street, and remember. I don’t even know if life was so great pre-Dad in prison, or if I was just living in a luxurious bubble. At least I didn’t feel like this. Like some loser. All Mom does is drink. She doesn’t even care about us anymore. And you have to wonder if she ever did, or if we were just fixtures in her glamorous life, Janette and me. Because she only cares about the way she feels now.
I feel bad for Janette. I at least had a real life, with real parents. She’s still little. It’s going to mess her up because she’s not even going to know what it’s like to have a whole family. She’s so mad all the time. I am too. Yesterday I made fun of this kid until he cried. It felt good. It felt bad too. But like Daddy said, as long as I’m meaner than they are, they can’t touch me. I’ll just beat them down until they leave me alone.
I saw Silas for a little bit after school. He took me for a burger and then drove me home. It was the first time he’d seen the shit pit we’re living in now. I could see the shock on his face. He dropped me off, and then an hour later I heard a mower outside. He went home and picked up a mower and some tools to fix the place up. I wanted to love him for it, but it just embarrassed me.
He pretends he doesn’t care about how much my life has changed, but I know he does. He has to. I’m not what I used to be.
My dad has been writing to me. He’s said some things, but I don’t know what to believe anymore. If he’s right…I don’t even want to think about it.
I look through the letters from her father. Which one is she talking about? Then I see it. My stomach churns.
Dear Charlize,
I spoke to your mother yesterday. She said you were still seeing Silas. I’m disappointed. I warned you about his family. His father is the reason I’m in prison, yet you continue to love him. Do you realize how much that hurts me?
I know you think you know him, but he’s no different from his father. They’re a family of snakes. Charlize, please understand that I’m not trying to hurt you. I want to keep you safe from those people, and here I am, locked up behind these bars, unable to take care of my own family. A warning is really all I can give you, and I hope that you heed my words.
We lost everything—our house, our reputation, our family. And they still have everything that was theirs as well as everything that was ours. It’s not right. Please, stay away from them. Look what they did to me. To all of us.
Please tell your sister that I love her.
Dad
I feel sympathy for Charlie after reading the letter. A girl torn between a boy who obviously loved her and a father who manipulated her.
I need to visit her father. I find a pen and write down the return address from the letters he’s sent to her. I pull out my phone and Google it. The prison is a good two-and-a-half-hour drive from New Orleans.
Two and a half hours one way is a lot of wasted time when I only have forty-eight hours total. And it feels like I’ve already wasted a lot of that. I make a note of visiting hours and decide if I haven’t found Charlie by tomorrow morning, I’ll be paying her father a visit. Based on the letters I just read, Charlie is closer to her father than anyone. Well, besides the old Silas. And if I don’t have a clue where she is, her father is probably one of the few who might. I wonder if he would even agree to meet with me.
I flinch in my seat when the final bell rings, signaling the end of school. I keep the letters separated and put them all neatly inside the backpack. It’s the last class period, and I’m hoping The Shrimp will be where I asked her to be.
Chapter 7: Charlie
I’m locked in a room with a boy. The room is tiny and it smells like bleach. Tinier even than the room I was in before I fell asleep. I don’t remember waking up and being moved, but here I am, and let’s be honest—I don’t remember a whole lot lately. He’s sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, and his knees spread apart. I watch as he tilts his head back and belts out the chorus to Oh Cecelia.