Catherine lowered her eyes, and her shoulders sagged as though she were greatly relieved. "Thank you."
"We can set up a time now to talk in exactly one month." He leaned forward and flipped forward the pages of his calendar, finding the date and marking it.
She stood, her eyes somber and determined. "One month," she repeated on her way out the door.
Catherine had known from the moment Royce asked for a month's separation that it wasn't going to be easy. What she hadn't understood was exactly how difficult it would be.
She found herself watching him far more than she ever had before, hungry for contact with him. Each time they were in the same room together, her heart was bathed in a strange blend of emotions. On one hand he was her executive officer, the man she'd been trained to obey without question, without hesitation. On the other hand, he was the man she loved. Mere words were an injustice to describe the strength of what she felt for Royce. She ached for him emotionally and physically. Some nights she'd walk into her apartment so mentally exhausted from this silent battle of longing between them that it was all she could do to feed Sambo.
If this time apart was trying for her, and God knew it was, then it was equally difficult for Royce. They never spoke, not unless it was absolutely necessary. Yet they couldn't be anywhere close to each other without that throbbing awareness breaking out between them. They could be standing in a room filled with other people, yet the intimacy between them was as strong as anything Catherine had ever known. The air was thick and the sensations undeniable.
The first test of their self-imposed restriction came within the first week. Commander Dan Parker stopped Catherine outside the building one chilly afternoon. She'd stayed late working on a complicated case, knowing it was safe to do so since Royce had already left the office. Catherine assumed he'd gone down to the jogging track, as was his habit.
"Hello, Catherine," Dan greeted, strolling purposely toward her.
Catherine envied his carefree smile, and despite everything, found herself responding to it. He must have found encouragement in it, because he paused and asked, "Since you've already rejected my offer to the Birthday Ball, how about soothing my battered ego by agreeing to have dinner with me?"
To be honest, Catherine hadn't given the gala event more than a passing thought since the first time he'd mentioned it. She should give some thought to the ball, but her thoughts were far from festive. "Dinner...when?"
"What's wrong with tonight?"
"I can't," she answered automatically. Dan seemed to be waiting for an excuse, but she had none to offer. "I'm busy," she answered finally. Busy missing Royce. Busy being miserable. Busy pretending how busy I am.
"It is short notice," Dan admitted. "How about tomorrow night then, after work? We'll unwind over drinks."
Catherine had no reason to refuse. She was convinced Dan had guessed her and Royce's feelings for each other, and although it would be out of the question to discuss the situation, Dan might be able to give her some insight into Royce's personality.
"All right," she agreed, but there wasn't a lot of enthusiasm in her voice.
"Five o'clock at the Yachting Club?"
"Sure, that sounds great."
"Come on, I'll walk you to your car," Dan offered, pressing his hand at her elbow. The comfort
Catherine felt at his touch, however impersonal, was enough to bring a rush of surprising tears to her eyes. She managed to blink them away, embarrassed at the unexpected show of emotion.
They were walking toward the asphalt lot, when Royce appeared from out of nowhere. He rounded the corner in a dead run and nearly collided with them. He stopped abruptly, his breath coming in deep gasps.
"Sorry," he said, leaned forward and balanced his hands on his knees. "I didn't think there was anyone left around here."
"No problem," Dan assured him.
Slowly Royce straightened. His eyes avoided looking at Catherine. "What are you doing here so late?"
Dan chuckled and possessively moved his hand up Catherine's back to cup her shoulder. "Talking Catherine into having dinner with me, what else?"
Dan joked. "You don't honestly believe I'd stick around this late for Navy business, do you?"
Although everything seemed perfectly normal on the surface, Catherine was well aware of the way Royce's body tensed. The undercurrent between them was so strong she was about to drown in it.
"I see," Royce said, his smile decidedly forced. "I take it our very capable attorney has agreed."
"Not without my having to twist her arm, but once again the Parker charm has won out."
Royce raised his hand in a friendly gesture. "Then don't let me delay you any longer," he said cheerfully. "Have a good time."
"We're going to have a great time," Dan returned, squeezing Catherine's shoulder.
"Good night," Royce said, looking away, but before his eyes left them, Catherine noted that he dragged his gaze across her lips.
"Night," Dan murmured. The minute Royce was out of view, he demurely dropped his arm. "I'll meet you tomorrow," he said grinning, and left.
Catherine stood exactly where she was for several seconds. She didn't know what game Dan Parker was playing, let alone the rules. All she did know was that she had to speak to Royce. Had to explain why she'd agreed to spend time with Dan Parker.
Royce had gone into the building, and not standing around to debate the wisdom of her actions, she followed him inside.
She found him sitting at his desk, his back to her as he stared off into the distance.
"Royce," she said softly, wondering if it would have been better to greet him formally.
He didn't answer her. The silence seemed to stretch for a hundred miles.
"Royce?" she tried again. "Could we talk for just a minute? I know we agreed not to, but I feel...I
wanted you to know why I..."
"I already know why," he said in a loud voice, then lowered his voice and swiveled his chair around. "There's no need to explain."
"But..." To her he looked so pale, beaten. Vulnerable.
"We agreed on one month," he reminded her, but the words didn't come easily from his lips.
"Yes, I know." Still she couldn't make herself leave. It felt so good to be in the same room with him, to talk even if it was only for a few moments on a subject that was painful to them both.
Blue eyes sparred with deep, dark ones in a silent, loving battle of wills.
"Catherine, for the love of God, just leave," he begged in a whisper.
"I can't...."
"As your XO I demand that you go."
The silence returned, this time punctuated with pain. Knowing she was defeated, Catherine crisply saluted, turned and abruptly left.
Catherine didn't see Royce for the next three days. Her appointment with Dan, she hesitated to call it a date, was much ado about nothing. He was charming, undemanding and a perfect gentleman the entire time. Not once did he raise the subject of Royce, and for that, Catherine was grateful enough to agree to see him again sometime soon. They left the date open, another fact for which Catherine was thankful.
Time had never passed so slowly. Catherine had come to her decision the first week. She loved Royce, and wanted to be his wife. What they'd need to do to arrange their marriage, if indeed that was what Royce chose, was another matter entirely. She loved him, she loved Kelly, but she loved the Navy, too.
As did Royce.
Being a part of the military was more than their career choice, it was a way of life each had freely embraced. Her commission was just as important to her as Royce's was to him. Both their careers were bright, with room for advancement. Several years down the road, Catherine could easily envision Royce progressing through the ranks. For her part, Catherine hoped to become a judge. Falling in love, marrying and having a family shouldn't mean they had to jeopardize their careers.
It did mean changes would have to be made, however. Complex changes, as complicated as their love for each other.
Catherine's thoughts were interrupted by the phone. Sambo wove his furry, overfed body between her feet as she stood in the kitchen in front of the can opener. While still holding the can of moist cat food, she reached for the phone. Her intention was to continue feeding Sambo, who could be downright insistent, and talk at the same time.
"Hello."
"Catherine?"
She immediately recognized the small, trembling voice as belonging to Kelly.
"What's the matter?" she asked immediately.
"I'm not afraid."
"Of course you're not," Catherine said, abandoning the cat food entirely. "Tell me what's wrong."
"Dad's not here."
"Yes, I know." Royce was away at scheduled meetings for most of the week. "Isn't Cindy or one of the other neighbor girls with you?" Whenever Royce was going to be away, he paid one of the high-school girls in the neighborhood to come and stay with Kelly.
"Cindy's supposed to be."
"But she's not?" Catherine pried gently.
"Her mom's sick and needs her there. Cindy called and wanted me to go over to her house, but I didn't want to do that because I don't want the flu. I hate throwing up."
Catherine grinned, empathizing with that. "I don't blame you, but there really should be someone with you."
"I'm ten years old!" Kelly declared forcefully. "I'm not a baby anymore."
"I know, sweetheart, but there's no telling how long your father's going to be and it's much more fun to have someone stay with you than to be alone."
"Are you alone?"
That was a trick question if Catherine ever heard one. "Sambo's with me."
"A-are you afraid in the dark?" The question was made in the same trembling voice Kelly had used earlier.
"Sometimes," Catherine admitted. "Why?"
"B-because all the lights went out."
Catherine's heart tripped with concern. "You mean to tell me you're all alone in the dark?" Somehow she managed to curtail her anxiety.
"Yes." Once again Kelly's voice was small and weak. "I'm sure the electricity will come back soon, it's just that it's so-o dark."
"Your dad will be there anytime." Catherine hoped some confidence leaked into her voice. The thought of Kelly pretending to be brave brought out a strong motherly instinct in Catherine.
"Dad's probably on his way now," Kelly said, but she didn't sound any too sure of it. "But in case he isn't...do you think you could come over and stay with me until he gets here? I'm not afraid, really I'm not...I'm just a little bit lonely." She paused and sucked in a deep breath. "It wouldn't be too much trouble for you to come, would it?"
Catherine didn't so much as hesitate. "I'll be there in ten minutes." She hung up the receiver and had already reached for her coat when Sambo reminded her he had yet to be fed. Hurrying across the kitchen, Catherine placed the can of food directly on the floor. Sambo was appeased, but he let it be known he didn't appreciate her haphazard methods of serving him his evening meal.
When Catherine arrived, her headlights silhouetted Kelly, standing in the window with the drapes pulled back, waiting. The minute Catherine turned off the engine, the drape swished back into place. Kelly was standing at the front door waiting for her.