In this light, it makes my skin look as pale as porcelain.
Picking up my powder compact, I brush some more light makeup on around my neck, nervously covering the faint black and blue hue. It doesn't hurt, and it doesn't much bother me, but I worry about others.
I know how it looks.
I know what everyone else will think.
I'm lost in my thoughts, my mind drifting back to last night, when I catch glimpse of the form appearing in the doorway behind me. My attention is drawn to Naz's reflection in the mirror, and I'm momentarily staggered.
I've never seen him so casual before.
Dark, loose-fitting jeans and a belt, white shirt and a midnight blue blazer clad his toned body. He hasn't shaved, and maybe it's my imagination, but his hair looks more out of place than usual. As that thought passes through my mind, he runs a hand through the locks, confirming my suspicions.
He's disheveled.
It's sexy.
So fucking sexy.
But it's not what I'm used to. He always carries himself with an air of perfection, everything in order and under control. This man in front of me is organized chaos, what seeped through the cracks when his armor fractured.
I stare at him for a moment, my nerves flaring. He was gone most of the day, leaving me to entertain myself. Not sure where he went, or why, but I was glad when he returned. Things feel so much colder when he's not around. "Ignazio."
He strolls into the bathroom, gaze fixed on mine in the mirror. "Is there a reason you're calling me that?"
"It's your name," I say as I put on my earrings. "It's what everyone else calls you."
"They usually call me Vitale." He pauses behind me. "And you're not everyone else."
He reaches around me, his hand coming to rest at the base of my throat as he gently brushes his thumb across the bruising on my neck. He says nothing, but the words are written in his deep dark eyes and the frown on his lips. I've never seen it from him before, but he looks almost remorseful.
He doesn't apologize, though. He lets out a sigh, pressing his cheek to my hair as I relax back against him. I watch his reflection as he closes his eyes, holding me.
It's peculiarly intimate.
He looks so vulnerable.
I stand still, just staring at him, falling more in love each passing second.
"Come on, birthday girl," he says eventually. "The night awaits."
Nineteen feels no different to me than eighteen. Not that I expected it to, but it's strange. It doesn't feel like my birthday. I guess every day is a special occasion when I'm with this man.
Naz leads me down into the casino, holding my hand as we stroll along. I can't keep my eyes off of him, and he notices, laughing after a few minutes and nudging me. "What's up with you tonight?"
"Nothing, I'm just... surprised."
"By what?"
"You," I say. "I'm used to the fancy suits."
"Yeah, well, suits are for business."
"And jeans are for what... pleasure?"
He smiles. "Something like that, although clothing tends to be optional in that case."
We're led back to the same area he gambled at the night before, to a vast courtyard surrounding an elaborate mansion. It looks like an Italian villa, like we were ripped straight out of Vegas and thrust into Under the Tuscan Sun. The scent of flowers with a hint of lemon clings to the air in the glass enclosed property. It's breathtaking.
The evening sunshine feels nice on my face as we're seated out on the patio. It'll be dark soon, the lights already glowing on the building, but I'm enjoying what's left of the warmth while I can.
Naz sits across from me, ordering for the both of us, requesting a bottle of wine. No one here questions it.
Maybe nineteen is different.
Maybe I look old enough to drink tonight.
Or maybe he's just too intimidating to ever second-guess when he asks for something.
We drink and eat, talk and laugh, the air surrounding the table relaxed. There are other people around, I'm sure, but I can't see any, nor do I hear them. We're tucked away into a secluded space, where nothing else seems to exist.
"I've always dreamed about going to Italy," I say, leaning back in my chair as I glance around. I can feel the alcohol simmering in my bloodstream, relaxing my body and setting me at ease.
His voice is quiet as he distractedly whispers, "I know."
I almost ask how he could possibly know that, but it's pointless. What does this man not know? "Have you ever been?"
He nods, taking a sip of his drink. "They did a decent job of recreating it, but nothing quite matches the real thing."
"I bet it's like heaven."
"It is," he says. "I'll take you someday."
"To heaven?"
He smiles. "Wherever you want to go."
I can tell he means it, his voice genuine. "I couldn't ask you to do that."
"I know," he says. "That's why I offered instead."
Naz motions for the waiter when the man steps outside and tells him to bring us whatever's chocolate on the dessert menu. A few minutes later some kind of chocolaty something is placed on the table in front of me. I have no idea what it is, but it's creamy and rich, one of the greatest things I've ever tasted. I'm shoveling it into my mouth when Naz speaks quietly. "I'm in love with you, Karissa."
I freeze with the spoon halfway to my mouth and peer across the table at him. "I love you, too."
"No, I don't just love you," he says. "I'm in love with you."
His voice is so earnest it paints my flesh with goose bumps. "Is there a difference?"
"There is," he says. "When you love somebody, you want what's best for them… but when you're in love with them, you want them for yourself. And they're not always the same thing. Just because I want you, doesn't mean I'm the best thing for you… because I'm not. I know I'm not. It isn't easy to reconcile. Because I know I should let you go, should let you walk away from me right now, but I can't do it. I can't. I'm selfish, and I'm in love with you, and I want nothing more than to keep you for myself."
"I don't want to walk away from you. I'm never going to."
"Don't say that unless you mean it."
"I swear it," I say. "I meant it when I asked you to stay that night, and I mean it now. I'm in love with you, too."
"Do you ever think about the future?" he asks.
"All the time."
"What do you see?"
"I'm not sure," I admit, swirling my spoon around in the chocolate whatever-it-is. "I'm not even sure what waits for me back in New York. If I don't have my scholarship, I don't even have school anymore."