At night, Racer doesn’t cry out to eat, and I wake up startled and concerned, only to find Racer soundly sleeping in his father’s arms. Remington holds him like he holds me, firmly but gently. Racer makes little chipmunk noises as he breathes, his hair dark as Daddy’s, but his skin pink and soft, whereas Daddy is big and hard, and suddenly, I am quietly crying from the happiness I feel.
The heart is a hollow muscle, and it will beat billions of times during our life. About the size of a fist, it has four chambers, two atria, and two ventricles. I use it like I use my soul, and my body, and my bones, my fibers, my nerves, to love with every particle and molecule in me. It pumps life into me so I can give this love freely to this one man, and to this little boy he gave me.
I’m in love and I will be forever changed by this love, by this man, and our new little family.
I used to dream of medals and championships, and now I dream of a blue-eyed boy who will grow into a man, and of my blue-eyed fighter who one day changed my life when he put his lips on mine.
TO HIM
Dear Remington,
I was a post-college girl when I came to see you fight, and you have turned me into a woman. You have made me a wife. And you have made me a mother. And you have made me, and every day make me, the happiest woman alive. I am going to spend the rest of my life loving you. And our children. And running with you, eating with you, letting you scoop me up, throw me in the air, and lick me up. I will be your friend, your lover, your nurse, your exercise buddy, your love, your wife, and the lioness who fights by your side. I will always, always be your number one fan. Thank you, Remington, my love, for inspiring me every day with your gentleness and your drive. Thank you for being the father I couldn’t even have conjured for my children. Thank you for giving me a little fighter. I want you to know I will be very happily working with you so we can also soon welcome our Iris.
I love you, and am in love with you, forever and always, now, and every second in between. Black and blue, every inch of you, magnificent you, is mine. And I’m going to treasure and cherish you, always.
Your Brooke