My eyes narrowed on him. “Don’t bring things up that you aren’t willing to talk about, then.”
His brows flew straight up at that. “Is that a rule now? So you’re saying that if you bring up a subject, you have to answer my questions about it, as well? If you’ll agree to reciprocate, I’ll accept those terms.”
I bit my lip, wondering how this was going to backfire on me. I knew it would, eventually. How badly did I want to know about his exhibitionist tendencies?
Badly. “Fine. Tell me.”
He pursed that pretty mouth. “Tell you what, exactly? About having sex in front of other people?”
I nodded.
“Is it something you’re interested in doing, or are you merely curious?”
My eyes widened in dawning horror. Had he thought I would want to do that in front of my co-workers, if I was thinking at all clearly? The thought was abhorrent.
“Merely curious,” I said with a blush. “About you more than the practice. I want to know what you did in front of other people, and with whom.”
He spread his hands. “I’ve done it several times. There are…events for people like us. BDSM demonstrations. I’ve dominated, and spanked, and fucked several women at things like that. In front of a few people or even crowds. I never had a problem with it, though it was more a novelty than one of my actual preferences. And I fucked a few women at some frat houses in college in front of crowds, a few times on a dare, if I recall. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I used to be a real slut. I’ve been more circumspect in recent years, but only in comparison to my past exploits, really. Anything else you want to know about it?” His voice was tight with agitation by the end of his explanation, and his question was downright angry.
I felt sick to my stomach suddenly, the last vestiges of arousal leaving me completely. “And you’d have no problem doing that to me, in front of a crowd?”
His jaw clenched hard, and he turned his head away. He was silent for so long that I didn’t think he was going to answer, though the answer was important to me.
“I have a huge problem with it,” he said finally. “That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do it. Even knowing how much I would have regretted it after, I still had a hard time stopping myself. I felt like you wanted me to, and that made it so hard to stop. I’m starting to see that that’s not what you wanted. Still, I would have been furious with us both if it had gone that far.”
“Why furious? You said yourself you’ve done it several times.”
He gave me an almost malevolent glare. “Because you’re mine. I don’t want other people to see you like that. I don’t want to share you like that. When I’ve done it before, it’s been with women who were…dispensable. They were all dispensable, Bianca. I’m not proud of that fact, but it is the truth.
Even the few subs who I’ve had under contract longterm were dispensable, in a way. I never shared them, but I certainly didn’t care if anyone saw me fucking them.”
I licked my lips. “You had subs under contract? Longterm?” I asked, feeling the sickness growing.
He sighed. “I did bring it up, didn’t I? Yes, I’ve had a few subs under contract. They were amenable, though only two were compatible for what could be considered longterm. It can be a necessary arrangement, when you have a lot of money and your sexual proclivities are…unusual. I wanted no misunderstandings, and certainly none of them were strangers to the scene.”
“Is that something you would try to do to me? The contract thing?” I asked him, my voice smaller than I preferred.
He gave me a baffled, wild look.
I had a horrible thought. I hadn’t wanted the arrangement, would certainly have turned it down, but what occurred to me next was even more appalling.
“Oh,” I said, the sick knot in my stomach growing by the moment. “That’s a more longterm arrangement than what you had in mind for me, I take it.” I made my voice and face empty of emotion as I spoke, wanting to take the blow with some grace. “You would obviously want someone more experienced with the things you like, to fill a role like that. Well, that’s for the best. I couldn’t make a commitment like that, anyways.”
His head dropped forward, his hair covering his face. I saw his fists clenching and unclenching.
He was silent for a time. His voice was low but harsh with intensity when he spoke. “That is not the contract that I had in mind for you. But which is it, Bianca? Are we talking about our relationship, or am I not allowed? Because you keep saying the most infuriating things, and I’m finding it increasingly difficult to bite my tongue. So are we talking about our relationship tonight, or not? I’ve wanted to explain myself to you for a long time, but you always run away before I can even begin.”
I swallowed. I suddenly wanted to know, quite desperately, what he would say if I encouraged this conversation. But I lost my nerve, feeling terrified enough of what he might say to postpone it for another day.
“Not tonight,” I said finally.
A chilly silence filled the car after that. He didn’t move, didn’t speak, didn’t touch. I withdrew into my own thoughts, for a time. We stayed that way until we pulled into the parking lot of Las Vegas’s private airport. It was close to the main airport, but I’d never actually been to it.
“What are we doing?” I asked James.
He didn’t look up. “You said I could do anything with you that I wanted. I am.”
I gave him an exasperated look that he didn’t see. “I don’t have anything with me. I haven’t even packed a bag. And it’s late.”
“I’ve taken care of it.”
“It will be morning by the time we get anywhere. I can’t wear this outfit anywhere but a night club.”
“I know. I said I’ve taken care of it.”