Dorothea quietly persisted in spite of remonstrance and persuasion. So

by the end of June the shutters were all opened at Lowick Manor, and

the morning gazed calmly into the library, shining on the rows of

note-books as it shines on the weary waste planted with huge stones,

the mute memorial of a forgotten faith; and the evening laden with

roses entered silently into the blue-green boudoir where Dorothea chose

oftenest to sit. At first she walked into every room, questioning the

eighteen months of her married life, and carrying on her thoughts as if

they were a speech to be heard by her husband. Then, she lingered in

the library and could not be at rest till she had carefully ranged all

the note-books as she imagined that he would wish to see them, in

orderly sequence. The pity which had been the restraining compelling

motive in her life with him still clung about his image, even while she

remonstrated with him in indignant thought and told him that he was

unjust. One little act of hers may perhaps be smiled at as

superstitious. The Synoptical Tabulation for the use of Mrs. Casaubon,

she carefully enclosed and sealed, writing within the envelope, "I

could not use it. Do you not see now that I could not submit my soul

to yours, by working hopelessly at what I have no belief in--Dorothea?"

Then she deposited the paper in her own desk.

That silent colloquy was perhaps only the more earnest because

underneath and through it all there was always the deep longing which

had really determined her to come to Lowick. The longing was to see

Will Ladislaw. She did not know any good that could come of their

meeting: she was helpless; her hands had been tied from making up to

him for any unfairness in his lot. But her soul thirsted to see him.

How could it be otherwise? If a princess in the days of enchantment

had seen a four-footed creature from among those which live in herds

come to her once and again with a human gaze which rested upon her with

choice and beseeching, what would she think of in her journeying, what

would she look for when the herds passed her? Surely for the gaze

which had found her, and which she would know again. Life would be no

better than candle-light tinsel and daylight rubbish if our spirits

were not touched by what has been, to issues of longing and constancy.

It was true that Dorothea wanted to know the Farebrothers better, and

especially to talk to the new rector, but also true that remembering

what Lydgate had told her about Will Ladislaw and little Miss Noble,

she counted on Will's coming to Lowick to see the Farebrother family.

The very first Sunday, _before_ she entered the church, she saw him as

she had seen him the last time she was there, alone in the clergyman's

pew; but _when_ she entered his figure was gone.




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