When I got to the end of the book, I was completely overwhelmed, mentally and emotionally, and I broke down. I cried and I cried and I cried some more.
I cried in sadness, and I cried with joy. I cried for unwanted goodbyes, and I cried for unexpected hellos. I cried for all the things that could’ve been, and I cried for the beauty of what actually was. I cried for Harper and Brandon and Chase, and I cried for me.
At some point in my melt down, Evie had joined me on my small bed and held me while I sobbed. This cry was not about Ash and Dylan; the events of the previous night were just the proverbial straw, and break me it did. This cry was eighteen years in the making, a release long overdue. I cried until exhaustion took over and I fell asleep.
When I woke up a couple of hours later, I felt much better. My body had desperately needed the rest. I found Evie lounging on the couch watching Magic Mike again.
“This movie really makes everything better,” she said as I sat down next to her. “At least for a couple of hours.”
“Thank you for everything, Evie.” I whispered. I curled up against her and she put her arm around my shoulders. “I couldn’t do this without you; I would’ve given up long ago if it wasn’t for you.”
“I know, sweet Sam girl,” she said. “But you are worth fighting for, I’ll never let you give up. I love you too much.”
“I love you too, Evie.”
Chapter 8
The next morning was the first day of classes and I woke up with my stomach knotted with nerves. Thankfully, Evie would also be in two of my three classes that day, so we could figure most everything out together. After dressing in a black cotton maxi dress and matching flip flops, I looked at my phone to check the time. I had two text messages waiting for me.
Ash (2:32 AM): Can’t stop thinking of you butterfly.
Dylan (8:27 AM): Have a great first day of classes! Hope to see you again soon beautiful
Well, shit. That wasn’t what I expected to start the day. First, it was strike one against Dylan with the use of “beautiful.” I needed to let him know that I wasn’t a fan of the pet name thing, but it was very thoughtful of him to text this morning. I honestly wasn’t sure if I would hear from him again, but when I read the message I realized the sense of relief and delight that I felt that he wanted to see me again.
Reading Ash’s text, sent a completely different set of emotions through me - confusion, anxiety, hope, and pure lust. How did his number get in my phone? Why did he text me when he clearly told me that we could not have a relationship of any kind - neither friendly nor romantically? Why did a person that I knew practically nothing about make me lose control of my brain and body at the mere thought of him?
I only responded to Dylan’s text.
Me (9:35 AM): Thanks, you too. Sounds good
Then I grabbed my backpack and went to meet Evie for breakfast.
Evie was ready and waiting for me in the kitchen. She had set us out some fresh pineapple and yogurt. As we ate, I told her about both text messages and she told me not to think too much about either of them. She was right. I needed to spend much less time thinking about boys and more time on my studies. My scholarships had strict GPA requirements, so I could not allow anything or anyone to interfere with my grades.
“I was thinking about our book whore competition last night and I agree to acknowledge your win from Saturday,” Evie said as we walked to our first class.
“You agree to acknowledge my win?” I asked.
“Yeah, like I said, I didn’t allow myself to really meet anyone this time so that I could stay close to you, so it wasn’t really fair. But next time, you may need to find your own way home,” she teased waggling her eyebrows.
“I didn’t ask you to do that. I don’t need a babysitter,” I tried to be serious with her but couldn’t help the laughter that escaped at her ridiculous faces.
“Okay, whatever, it’s over and you won,” she conceded. “But anyways, I was thinking about it and I thought about our teacher/ professor group… There’s no better place to find a professor than in the classroom, so for these BB’s we need to be on the lookout at all times. They don’t have specific nights dedicated to them. Sound good?”
My brain had been so full of Ash and Dylan that I hadn’t even thought about trying to meet anyone else and I couldn’t imagine throwing another guy in the mix. However, I also knew that the point of the contest was for us to meet new people from diverse backgrounds and lifestyles. It was hard for me to say what I liked and or didn’t like unless I tried it out. So I nodded at Evie’s suggestion in agreement. I highly doubted I’d have a professor that would be seduction-worthy anyways.
Before I knew it, it was early afternoon and Evie and I were walking back to our dorm having completed our first day of college. We were both giddy with a feeling of accomplishment, which was ridiculous, but our good moods were evident nonetheless. Since neither of us were procrastinators when it came to school work, we finished our homework right when we got back. We spent the rest of the evening gossiping about people we had met during the day and discussing the next day’s schedule. After our early dinner of grilled ham and cheese sandwiches, we each went into our rooms to have some alone time. This was yet another thing that made Evie and I so compatible, she and I both understood the importance of personal time and space.
I could hear Evie in her room skyping with someone, it sounded like her friend Corinne but I wasn’t sure. She stayed in touch with several of her friends from high school through the multiple social networking sites. I knew so much about all of them through Evie’s stories throughout the years that I felt like I knew them personally, but I had only met a few of them a handful of times at her house. They were an important part of her life and I knew she was worried about losing contact with them when they all went their separate ways to college. I, on the other hand, had no contact with anyone I went to school with. I was friendly enough with several girls I met during my time at St. Helen’s, but since I wasn’t able to do anything outside of school, it was hard for me to develop the strong friendships that others did.