Lucian gives me a quizzical look and I raise my lips to kiss his cheek. I don’t want him to think I’m brushing him off, but I also don’t want Lee to push him into some kind of shotgun wedding. He’s dealing with enough right now and doesn’t need this added pressure. And even though he’s—well, Lucian Quinn, I still feel confident in his feelings for me. No man would have stuck by my side through everything like he has for a casual relationship. We’re building a life together. Maybe we’re not doing it in the traditional order, but it’s working for us. “I love you,” I say simply. He seems to understand that those three words are both my promise and reassurance to him that we’re on the same page.
Lucian
I feel as if I’ve stepped into an alternate reality. I had been stunned to learn we were having breakfast with Lee Jacks. After the initial shock had worn off that she had a father who was very much alive and well, Lia hadn’t mentioned much about him. I’d certainly had no idea he’d been texting her a standing invitation to join him for a meal. That wasn’t the most surprising thing though because I knew he was anxious to get to know his daughter. She had been so angry with him, so the fact she decided to meet him this morning without telling me is astounding.
Of course, I would like Lia to build a relationship with him, regardless of how questionable his past appears to be. Hell, for that matter, his present has been open to a lot of speculation as well. I can’t find it in me to hold that against him though. I can only imagine the rage he felt at finding out he had a long-lost daughter and then discovering she had been abused. I had experienced some of that anger firsthand when he’d mistakenly thought I had hurt her. Lee might well be many of the things he’s been rumored to be through the years, but I can’t argue with the fact that he’s clearly captivated by his daughter. As she speaks passionately about her classes at school, he listens to her as if spellbound. Maybe he never thought he wanted a child, but now that he has one, he seems helpless to walk away. I understand fully the allure that is Lia Adams. We may be drawn to her in different ways, but there’s no denying I was riveted from the first moment I saw her, too.
Maybe the inherited combination of Lee’s drive and will to survive makes her the woman she is. He may have well saved her life without ever having known her. I don’t see a trace of Maria Adams in her. The bitter, cruel woman we met in the courtroom months ago is nothing like the vibrant love of my life sitting next to me.
I want to be angry with her for not telling me that Lee would be here this morning. I don’t like secrets. Even small ones tend to fester and destroy. I know that better than anyone does. My secrets had come close to ruining my life. The wonder of our morning thus far has mellowed my anger though. Seeing my child even through the fuzzy gray of the ultrasound picture was nothing short of miraculous. It is something I never thought would happen to me again. After Cassie, I believed my direction in life was set: Casual sex, no attachments, and certainly no happily-ever-after. I had convinced myself I didn’t need love or a family of my own. Those things seemed a sure path to heartache and I couldn’t deal with losing another love.
Now, here I sit next to my pregnant girlfriend, whom I love more than life and I’m envisioning things I never believed possible. I was young when Cassie was pregnant, but if I’m completely truthful, I could never picture us growing old together. Fuck, most days, I could barely imagine us making it until the next week without some disaster occurring. It was stressful, but I got used to living my life on a wire back then. “Expect the unexpected” were words I lived by. Cassie thrived on chaos. I would draw up inwardly when she had that gleam of a bipolar mania in her eyes. I almost preferred the depressive episodes—unless she spiraled too low, then that was a completely new set of problems.
Just thinking about it all is enough to make me break out into a cold sweat. No good ever comes from remembering the past although it has been happening more as of late. The withdrawal from cocaine has left me clearer than I’ve been in quite some time. My dreams are more vivid and my regrets sharper. I am no longer self-medicating my pain away and some days the ache is particularly brutal.
“More coffee, sir?” our server asks, pulling me back into the moment. Lee is telling Lia about his company, speaking with obvious pride. Like Lia, I know he also had a hard life growing up. Now though, he’s wearing expensively tailored clothing and looks like the successful businessman he is. If you look closely though, there are still hints of the ruthless man he’s long been rumored to be. He’s a survivor as is his daughter. No matter how many challenges life throws their way, they will never give up. It’s simply not in their DNA.
Lia looks at her watch, seemingly disappointed by what it shows. “I need to get back to the apartment and grab my books for school.” Glancing at me, she adds, “I’m sure you’re needed at the office since I practically hijacked you for breakfast.”
Tucking a strand of blond hair behind her ear, I smile easily. “No worries, baby. I cleared my schedule until noon since I didn’t know how long our appointment would run.”
Lee insists on paying the bill and we all get to our feet. He rocks back on his heels, looking uncertain as to how to say goodbye to his daughter. I extend my hand to him, thanking him for breakfast. “I…um eat here every day through the week and so the invitation to join me is still open anytime you would like.” He looks at both Lia and me, but I know he’s really speaking to her.