“I gwess dats a no,” I say.
I lift my shirt and wipe the edge of my nose since she took my wet towel. When I do, her eyes go to my frog prince, and she leans forward and presses her lips to him. She looks up at me, her blue eyes blinking widely as she holds her lips there for a second. Then she makes a loud smacking noise and pops back up, grinning. “There. All better?”
Fuck no. We’re just getting started.
Seth sticks his head into the room. He smirks at me and shakes his head. “Dude,” he says. He laughs. “That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.”
I throw down the ice. “Dat’s it. I’m going kick your ath at bow’ing, Seth. You are going down.” I follow him into the other room, take a controller, and try to pretend like she didn’t just rock my world.
Skylar
I am so into the game that I don’t even realize how late it is until Mellie climbs into my lap and falls asleep. I know she’s asleep because I feel her drool slide down my leg. I sit up, careful not jostle her, and pull her into my arms. She makes a sleepy little murmur beside my ear and burrows in closer. I take a deep breath and soak it in because these moments are few and far between.
“Okay, that’s it,” Matt says, and he bends over to turn off the Wii. “I think there has been enough butt-kicking for one night.” He shoves Seth’s shoulder. Seth shoves him back and they tussle on the floor. He pins Seth down and grins. “How was wrestling today?” he asks.
Seth sits up, brushing his hair back into place. “It was okay. We have practice matches on Wednesday night.” He looks up at Matt. “You want to come watch?”
Matt lies back on the floor, acting like he’s winded after wrestling, but I think he’s shocked that Seth asked him. He picks up a ball and starts to toss it up in the air and catch it. “What time?” he asks.
Seth shrugs like it doesn’t matter. “Seven, I think,” he says. “So you want to go?”
Matt sits up and nods. “If it’s okay with your aunt,” he says. Matt winks at me, like Seth can’t see him. Seth does, though, and shakes his head.
“Quit scamming on my aunt, man,” he warns.
“It’s not scamming. It’s…” He stops and looks at me. “Hell, I don’t know what it’s called.” He looks a little uncomfortable. He throws the ball into Seth’s chest, and Seth falls back on the floor, clutching his belly.
Joey walks up and sits down on Seth’s stomach, bouncing and laughing when he groans. “Why are you still up?” he asks. He looks at the clock. “It’s past your bedtime.”
He grabs her hands and stands up, tossing her over his shoulder. She squeals. He comes over to me and dangles her in front of my face. “Kiss Aunt Sky good night,” he says. She leans forward, takes my face in her hands, and kisses my cheek.
“’Night, Aunt Sky,” she says quietly.
Seth points to my lap. “I’ll be back in a second for that one,” he says.
“Actually, I’ll take her,” I say. I stand up and lift Mellie gently into my arms. She cuddles closer to me, and I realize she’s been sweating against me when the cold air hits where she was lying. But I wouldn’t change it.
Seth shrugs. “You sure?” he asks, cocking his head to the side.
I nod and smile at him. “If you don’t mind. I’d like to put them to bed.”
Seth nods toward the girls’ bedroom. “Sure,” he says flippantly, and he starts in that direction.
He pulls back the covers and flies Joey around like an airplane, making a humming, blowing noise with his mouth until she lands between the sheets. She giggles, and he leans down to kiss her cheek. “Good night,” he says. Then he comes and helps me tuck Mellie in. She’s out cold, and she barely makes a move as he covers her. I turn to walk out the door, but Joey calls out and I have to turn back.
“Aunt Sky?” she says.
I turn back. She’s snug as a bug in a rug in her blankets, and I can’t think of anything she might need. “Do you need something?”
“She’s going to make you stay as long as she can, asking for kisses and water and everything she really doesn’t need,” Seth warns. He points a finger at her and says, “Go to sleep.”
I walk back over to the bed and sit down on the edge, tucking the blankets even more tightly around her. She pulls her arm out and lays her hand on my forearm. “If you see my mommy,” she whispers. “Will you tell her good night?”
My heart clenches in my chest, and I have to close my eyes and take a deep breath. But then I lean over and whisper in her ear. “You can talk to your mommy anytime you want, and she’ll hear you. So you can tell her good night, yourself.” I tweak her nose playfully.
“She can hear me?” she whispers.
I nod my head. “She can hear you, even though she’s not here anymore.” I blink my eyes furiously because it’s all I can do to sit there without sobbing. When did I become such a crybaby? The same time I became a mom, apparently. “She’ll never leave you. I promise.”
“I’ll tell her myself,” she says. She smiles and rolls into her pillow, her eyes closing.
“Good night,” I say, and I kiss her forehead, lingering for a moment to take in that little-girl smell.
Seth is waiting for me in the hallway when I come out. “Wow,” he breathes.
“What?” I ask. I avoid his gaze because he looks like someone just jerked the rug out from under him.
He shakes his head. “Sometimes it seems so easy to go on without her, and then other times, the memories and all the small things about her just swamp you, you know?”
I don’t know. I’ve never had anyone who loved me like their mom loved them. I don’t know what it’s like to lose your anchor. To suddenly float rudderless. “You can talk to her, too, you know.” I say. He follows me to the kitchen. “She’s still here for you.”
He shakes his head again. “I like to think that, but I’m not sure I believe it.” He heaves a sigh. “I feel kind of alone.”
My heart sinks. I felt like we were finally getting somewhere, but maybe I’m not able to give him what he needs. “I’ll try harder,” I say.
He pulls me into his arms and squeezes me, his forearm wrapped around my head again in that awkward embrace. But I like it.
“Everything okay?” Matt asks from the doorway. He lifts an eyebrow at me.
I step back and brush my hair back from my face. “Fine,” I say, smiling at him. I don’t know why, but it feels natural having Matt around. We have this odd kind of chemistry that makes my belly flutter but comforts me at the same. He brings a sense of peace with him. I can’t define it, but I know I want more of it.
He walks up to Seth and wraps his arm around the boy’s head, taking him in a gentle headlock, and gives him a noogie. Seth shoves at him, but he’s smiling. “I’m going to bed,” Seth says.
“Already?” I complain. I look at my watch. “It’s early yet.”
He glances quickly at Matt, and Matt ducks his head and grins. “I’m tired,” Seth says, and he fakes a yawn and a stretch. He’s grinning, and Matt swipes a hand down his face to hide his own smile. Seth kisses my forehead, bumps knuckles with Matt, and goes to his room.
I don’t know what to do with myself all alone with Matt, so I start to load the dishwasher with today’s dishes. Matt picks up plates and cups from the table and helps me.
“Careful or I’ll get used to having you around,” I warn playfully.
He looks directly into my eyes. “Good. That’s what I’m going for.”
My breath hitches, and I have to turn away so that I’m not facing him. I lay my hands flat on the counter and take a breath. But then I feel Matt’s length behind me. His palms lie flat on the counter beside mine, his arms bracketing my body. I can feel him from the top of my head to the heels of my feet, he’s that close.
“You in love with me yet?” he whispers quietly.
A grin steals across my face, and I’m so glad he can’t see it. “Nope,” I say past the lump in my throat.
He brushes the hair from the back of my neck and presses his lips there. I’m suddenly glad he’s behind me because my knees might just give out. His lips are soft and warm, but insistent. He kisses the side of my neck, and I tilt my head because it feels so damn good.
“Someday, you’re going to want to marry me,” he murmurs.
“You’re awfully sure of yourself.” My voice quavers only a little. I’m quite proud of that.
“Mmm hmm,” he murmurs, and his lips gently slide up the side of my neck.
Suddenly there’s a noise behind us, and Matt jumps back. He’s across the room in nothing more than a second. I turn around and look up to find Seth standing in the doorway. He looks from me to Matt and back to me over and over. Finally, he snorts, and says, “Dude, you should just kiss her already. God.” He walks to the fridge and gets a bottle of water, and then he leaves the room.
Matt grins. “I should probably go.”
“Don’t,” I say quickly. I squeeze my eyes shut. When I open them, he’s looking at me intently. “I mean, if you need to go, you can. But if you want to stay for a bit…”
“I want to stay,” he says quickly.
“You want a beer?” I ask. I think there are still a few in the fridge.
“No,” he says. “Thanks, though.”
I pour myself a glass of wine so I have something to do with my hands.
He gets himself a bottle of water and follows me to the couch. I sit down on one end, and he sits on the other. He’s much too far away in my opinion, but he’s too close at the same time. What am I doing?
I pull my feet up onto the couch, my knees pointed toward the TV, and Matt stares at my legs. I tug my skirt down a little. He groans and lays his head back, but he’s grinning. “You don’t know how hard it is to sit way over here while you’re over there,” he says.
“Yes, I do,” I admit.
His gaze jerks to meet mine. “You’re feeling it too?” he asks. His eyes are so blue and so deep that I want to fall into them and stay there. Don’t ever look away from me, Matt.
I nod and bite my lower lip to keep from grinning. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend, Matt?” I ask. And I really want to know because it’s unfathomable to me that he’s single. He’s handsome, and he’s so kind.
He shakes a finger at me. “There’s a story there,” he says.
I settle into the sofa a little deeper and turn so that my feet are pointed toward him, my legs extended. My toes almost touch his thigh. But then he lifts my feet and slides under them, scooting closer to me. “I was in love with a girl. For a long time.”
“What happened to her?” I ask. He starts to tickle across my toes, and then his fingertips drag down the top of my foot. It’s a gentle sweep, and it feels so good that I don’t want him to stop. His fingers play absently as he starts to talk.
“When I got the diagnosis,” he says, “she couldn’t deal with it.”
“Cancer?” I ask.
He nods. His fingers drag up and down my shin, and he slides around to stroke the back of my knee. I don’t stop him when his hand slides beneath my skirt, although I do tense up. He smiles when he finds the top of my thigh highs, and he unclips the little fastener that attaches them to my garters. He repeats the action on the other side, his hands teasing the sensitive skin of my inner thigh as he frees the stocking and rolls it down. He pulls it all the way over my foot and does the same with the other side. I am suddenly really glad I shaved this morning. I wiggle my toes at him, and he starts to stroke me again. I don’t ever want him to stop.
“This okay?” he asks. But he’s not looking at my face. He’s looking at my legs.
“Yeah,” I breathe. “Keep talking. You got diagnosed…”
“I got diagnosed, and the prognosis wasn’t good. I went through chemo and got a little better. But then I needed a second round. Things didn’t look good, and we were flat broke. I couldn’t work at the tattoo parlor anymore because my immune system was too weak, so I had no money coming in. I was poor and sick and she didn’t love me enough to walk the path with me.” He shrugs, but I can tell he’s serious. “She cheated with my best friend.” He shrugs. “And that’s the end of that sad story.”
“You still love her?” I ask. I don’t breathe waiting for his answer.
He shakes his head and looks up. “I did love her for a long time. And I haven’t been looking for a relationship. I haven’t dated anyone since her. But I’m not in love with her anymore. I know that now.”
“Why now?” I ask.
He looks directly into my eyes and says, “Because I met you, and I feel really hopeful that you’ll want to go after something real with me. I know we just met and all, but I was serious about making you fall in love with me.” He laughs. “Then you hit me in the nose tonight, and I knew it was meant to be.”
“What?” I have no idea what he’s talking about.
“When my brother Logan met Emily, she punched him in the face. And when Pete and Reagan first started dating, she hit him in the nose.” He reaches up and touches his nose gently. “So, when you hit me tonight, I just knew it was meant to be.” He grins. “I hope you feel the same way because I really want to see where this thing is going to go.”