I stick my head into the room where Paul’s on the floor with three little girls climbing on him like he’s a horse. He doesn’t seem to mind it.
I go sit down on the edge of what must be Hayley’s princess bed. I watch as Paul throws the children around, growling and rolling them. Suddenly, he looks up at me. “Hey, Sky,” he says quietly. He sets the kids to the side and looks at me. I mean really looks at me.
“Yeah?” I ask. I’m still sort of dazed.
“Be careful with him, okay?” he says. His voice is soft but strong, and I can tell he means it.
“What?” I ask. I force myself out of my haze and focus on him. “I don’t know what you mean.”
He starts to clean up toys, throwing them into a nearby toy bin. “He’s been through a lot,” Paul says. “I’m not sure he could survive another heartbreak. Not and stay the same, easygoing guy he is now. Don’t wreck him, okay?” he asks. He sighs out a breath.
“I won’t,” I say. No one ever means to do that, do they?
“He’s special,” Paul says. “Even before he got sick, he was different from the rest of us. He’s good and kind, and he still believes in the goodness of the heart. He needs to stay that way. So, don’t hurt him.” He says the last part quietly, so the kids can’t hear him.
“I won’t,” I whisper. I want to challenge him and ask how dare he. But I can see the vulnerability in his eyes. I can see that it was hard for him to have this conversation with me.
He nods and gets up, then leaves the room. I sit and watch the girls play while I collect my thoughts. I need a basket to put them all in because my head just isn’t big enough.
Matt
When I come out of my room, Sky is in with Paul and the girls in Hayley’s room. I need a minute to collect myself and wash my hands. I throw some cold water on my face, too. It takes a minute to calm myself down, and if I didn’t know that I might be going home with Sky tonight, I would have taken matters into my own hands. But as it stands, the only place I want to come is inside her. Not alone. Not ever again.
I leave the bathroom and go sit down on the couch to see how Seth is doing with my game. He’s playing against Logan, and Logan can’t hear the game so it’s harder for him. But he’s a damn fine opponent anyway. He tackles it the same way he does life, by taking cues from everything around him in the game. And he’s beating Seth, so it’s working for him.
I sit down next to Emily. She scoots closer to me and lays her head on my shoulder. I cuddle up with her for a second, and then scoot to the side. She shoots me a weird look.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, her brow furrowing.
I pull her head to me and kiss her forehead. I love snuggling with Emily. I always have. She’s like the sister I never had or ever wanted. We bonded after my chemo when she helped me out, saving my life by sacrificing her own freedom, when I didn’t want my brothers to know I was sick. She holds a special place in my heart.
She inches closer to me, like she’s determined to cuddle. I see Sky walk up the hallway, and her eyes find me on the couch, but Reagan gets her attention by passing her a margarita. Sky takes it and starts to talk with Reagan.
“Matt?” Emily asks. “What is it?”
I blow out a heavy breath. “You know I love you, right?” I say quietly.
“Yes…” she replies. But she looks flustered. And concerned. And worried. I hate that I’m putting that look on her face. But things have changed.
“And you know how much I love cuddling with you, right?” I say.
She grins and leans toward me. But I push her shoulders back. “Matt?” she asks, shocked.
“Well, here’s the deal.” I run a hand down my face. “I love you, Em,” I say, and I’m not lying. Not a bit. She saved my life by sacrificing everything she held dear two years ago, and she did it without a thought. She will always be in my heart.
“Okay…” she says. “But?” She holds out her hands like she’s surrendering to the cops.
I look over at Sky, and she raises her glass to me. She keeps talking with Reagan, and I am glad because I have to have this conversation with Emily. “I love you, Em, but I’m in love with her.” I nod toward Sky. “Like want to move in with her tomorrow and die together when we’re old kind of love.”
She sits back a little. “Oh,” she breathes. She looks like someone just slapped her. Emily and I don’t have feelings for one another, not like that. But we have always cuddled, and I think I’m hurting her feelings, and I f**king hate it because she doesn’t understand. “I’m in love with her, and I’m afraid she’ll feel weird about me cuddling with you.”
Her brow furrows even more. “So you explain our relationship,” she says with laugh. “She’ll understand.” She leans like she wants to lie on my side. I push her back a little. “Matt,” she protests. “Stop doing that.”
“Em,” I say. “If you’re cuddled up with me, she’s can’t get in that spot, and I really, really, really want her in that spot.”
Her face softens.
“Do you get it now?”
She motions toward Logan. “Logan never minded our cuddling. Why would she?”
Honestly, I wouldn’t f**k Emily if she were the last woman on the planet. If Logan died tomorrow, and every other woman on the planet did, too, I still wouldn’t f**k Emily, that’s how much I love her like a sister, but I don’t want there to be any confusion. I don’t want Sky to feel weird about it. I shake my head because I don’t know what more I can say to her.
“Matt,” she says softly. I look up into her face, and my heart almost breaks when I see her eyes filling with tears. “You’re really in love with her, aren’t you?”
I grin. I can’t help it. “Yeah,” I say. “I am.” I nudge her shoulder with mine. “You okay with that?” I ask.
She leans over like she’s going to hug me but pulls back. “I can still hug you, right?” she asks. I take her in my arms and hold her tightly to me, and then I roll her over and drop her unceremoniously into Logan’s lap. He looks up at her and grins, surprised to find here there.
“We’re okay, right?” she asks me, motioning from me to her and back.
I ruffle her hair. “We’re just like we’ve always been,” I say. I let my hand rest on the top of her head.
Sky walks over to me and sits down next to me. I put my arm on the back of the couch, and she snuggles against my side. Nothing ever felt quiet as right as this moment does.
Logan turns off the game and the TV. Now that Emily is in his lap, she has all of his attention. Logan signs to me. Go get Em’s guitar.
I get up and go to the closet where Emily keeps her favorite guitar. Reagan passes out drinks while Emily sets up for a minute, tweaking and twirling as she strums the strings.
Emily leans over, takes my hand off my knee, and kisses it quickly. My heart warms. Sky smiles up at me and looks at me curiously. But she’s not angry. I can tell. Then Sky lays her head on my shoulder, her body molding into mine. She fits against me. She fits my life.
Even Pete and Sam stop wrestling when Emily starts to sing. She has a voice that’s a thing of beauty, and emotion wells up inside me. The room goes quiet, aside from the sound of her voice.
Sky sucks in a startled breath, and I scoot over behind her, arranging her between my thighs so she can lean against me. She lays her head back on my shoulder and settles into me.
I hear the door open, and Friday walks into the apartment. She looks around, and her eyes land on Paul. He looks everywhere but at her. Her eyes close, and she takes a deep breath. But then she comes and sits on the floor beside Sam, and Paul brings her a margarita. He leans close to her and says something in her ear. She nods and draws her lower lip between her teeth. He smiles, and Paul looks peaceful for a second. Then it’s gone.
Emily gets a little louder, and the room starts to ring with the sound of her music. Peace settles over me, and I realize that this is what it’s all about. My fight with cancer. My fight with life. My fight with love. All my fighting led me here. And I don’t want to be anywhere else. I have my family around me, the woman I love is in my arms, and our kids are scattered around the apartment. It can’t get any better than this.
Skylar
I can’t figure out why Emily isn’t playing on a stage at a huge, sold-out venue somewhere instead of strumming her heart out in the Reeds’ living room. She has some amazing talent, and I could sit here all day and listen to her. Her voice is full and rich and so emotional that she almost brings a tear to my eye.
Every few minutes, she looks over at Logan and grins at him. He watches her mouth closely, and I see his fingertips settle on the base of her guitar at times.
Matt’s arms tighten around my middle, and his fingers slide beneath my shirt to rest flat on my belly. It’s so intimate that it makes me squirm. I cover his hand with mine and he keeps his fingers still for a second. His mouth is right beside my ear when he turns his head, and he whispers, “I bet you’re still wet.”
Heat creeps up my cheeks, and my belly does that little dance that’s all because of Matt. “Stop it,” I hiss.
Suddenly, a ball flies through the air and hits Matt in the forehead. He reaches for it and catches it in the air. It’s a little, blue Nerf ball and not something that would hurt him. He squeezes it in his fist. “Very amusing,” he says to the room.
“You’re going to corrupt the kids,” one of the twins says. I think it’s Sam, but they look so much alike that I can’t be sure. Then I see the other one is cuddled up with Reagan, so this one must be Sam.
“The kids are in the other f**king room, dumbass,” Matt says. He hurls the ball back at Sam. It bounces off his shoulder, and Paul reaches up to pluck it from the air. He throws it back at Sam, where it deflects off his ear.
Seth raises a hand tentatively. “I’m a kid, and I’m still here,” he reminds us playfully. Any other time and he wouldn’t be caught dead in the kid category.
Sam raises his hand, too. “I am, too. You’re going to corrupt me.” He shivers playfully. “All that lovey-dovey shit makes me want to throw up my cupcakes.” He burps loudly and covers his mouth with his closed fist after. “And I worked hard on those cupcakes,” he reminds everyone.
Matt nudges me. “Did you get a cupcake?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Not yet.”
He slides out from behind me and comes back with two. “You’ll like it,” he says. “Sam makes the best cupcakes.” He sits down beside me, the length of his leg pressed along mine.
“Oh, a cupcake,” Reagan breathes, and she crawls across the floor on her hands and knees, and then reaches up to take the cupcake from Matt. He laughs and fends her off for a second, but she gets a grip of his wrist and brings the cupcake toward her mouth. Her mouth hangs open wide as she laughs, tugging his arm, and he struggles to keep the cupcake.
“You can take him, princess!” Pete calls from where he’s sitting on the floor. “You got this!” Pete laughs, rolling onto his back as he falls over. Sam slaps his palm against Pete’s and laughs, too.
“Reagan, Reagan, Reagan,” the brothers begin to chat. Reagan is still struggling with Matt’s wrist, and he’s pretending to fight her off, but he’s laughing. Finally, he gives up and lets her take a bite, but just as she pulls back, he smashes her nose into the icing. She looks up, shocked.
“Oh, you did not just do that,” she says. Then she wipes a chunk of icing off her nose and holds it out, her palm pointed toward Matt. “You know what that means,” she warns, but she’s already crawling across his lap toward his face. He passes me his cupcake, or what’s left of it, shoves her off his legs, and jumps over the back of the couch. I startle, because Matt is suddenly all broad shoulders and flying limbs. She follows him and chases him around the kitchen island, laughing as he skids in his socks into the counter. He grabs his hip and calls for a time-out, but she’s not having it. “You’re such a big baby,” she sings.
Matt reaches behind him for a fresh cupcake and taunts her with it. “You want to wear this one?” He waggles his brows at her. “Bring it,” he challenges.
I cover my mouth to stifle a laugh. I have seen Matt in a lot of situations, but this playful banter and the way they’re chasing one another around makes me want to cover my head and duck and laugh out loud at the same time.
Reagan dives for him as he darts back toward the couch and the rest of us. She jumps onto his back and reaches toward his face. He grabs her wrist and holds it away from him, but then he gives up and brings her fingers to his lips, and licks the dollop of icing off it. He hums a little tune while she struggles. Finally, she goes limp on his back and lays her head on the back of his shoulder. His shoulders shake silently as he laughs.
Emily motions to me really quickly, and I pass her my uneaten cupcake. She stands up, and smashes Matt in the face with it as Reagan climbs down from his back. His eyes and mouth open up wide as she grinds it into his face, laughing like hell. Reagan gathers a handful of icing that falls onto his shirt, and she wipes it across his cheek.
“Oh, it’s on now,” he growls and spins around, bending at the waist so he can toss Emily over his shoulder.
Emily protests, smacking his back, but she’s suddenly serious, if the look on her face is any indication. “Put me down, Matt,” she cries.
Logan jumps to his feet, and he yells for Matt to put her down, too. Matt’s still laughing, though, and he has no idea how serious they are.