“I’m sorry I ruined it.”
“You didn’t ruin it. I’m just not comfortable talking about it. Not now.”
“I crossed the line. Forgive me. Please?” He’s not touching me, and I can feel the divide between us.
“Nothing to forgive.” I step onto my tiptoes, and he leans down toward me. I kiss his cheek, and he straightens up and smiles at me.
“Thanks,” he says.
“Thank you. I mean it.”
I leave him standing on the steps.
My heart has already sunk all the way down to my toes.
###
I drop heavily into my desk chair. My phone buzzes, and I press the “speaker” button. “Yes?”
“Um…” the receptionist says.
“What is it?” I bark.
But then my office door opens, and Matt steps through.
“He’s on his way to you,” the receptionist says.
“Thanks for the warning,” I mutter.
Matt closes my office door behind him and approaches me. I stand, and he tips my chin up toward his face. “I forgot something,” he says. He’s breathless, and his eyes search mine. “I forgot to tell you that I want your heart more than I want your body,” he says. His eyes are still flitting all over my face. “I f**ked that up, but I’m not done yet. And I know how to say I’m sorry.”
“Matt,” I start.
But he cuts me off. “I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything, and it’s difficult to even walk when I’m around you because my dick gets so hard I could pound nails with it.”
Heat creeps up my cheeks, but he doesn’t stop.
“I shouldn’t have gone there with you yet, but I can’t help it. I’m f**king dying to be inside you. I’m f**king dying to hold you close to me, hopefully when we’re both na**d.” He grins. “But even more than that, I want you to love me. I want you to love me a lot, and I went the wrong way about it. Please forgive me.” He finally stops and draws in a deep breath. “Please.”
“Matt,” I say.
“When I saw your boyfriend, all I could think was that I could satisfy you so much more, mainly because I was jealous as hell that he’s been close to you. Maybe I was trying to get him off your mind and put myself there. Or maybe I’m just an idiot. It’s probably the latter. I admit it. I’m an idiot when it comes to you. But that’s okay with me. I hope it’s okay with you, too.”
“Matt,” I say again.
“Forgive me,” he urges. “I won’t ever do it again.”
I bracket his face with my hands. “Would you shut up for a minute?” I say.
He breathes out a sigh. “Okay.”
“I’m not mad. Well, a little annoyed that Seth repeated something to you that he overheard in a private conversation. That’s about me and Seth, though, not about you. I’ll deal with him about that. And no, I’m not mad at you. There’s nothing to forgive.”
He doesn’t say anything. He just looks into my eyes.
“Really, Matt,” I say to assure him.
“You completely shut me down, which I deserved. But I already miss you.”
“I haven’t gone anywhere.” I laugh.
A knock sounds on my office door. I look up to see my boss, who has poked her head in the crack and is holding a sheaf of papers. She looks at Matt and then smiles at me. “You ready to meet?” she asks.
“I’ll be right there,” I say. “Just give me a minute.” She leaves.
“Fuck,” Matt says. “You have to get back to work.”
I nod. “I do.”
He stares at me for a moment, like there’s something on the tip of his tongue that he wants to say.
My boss pops her head back into my office. “How long will you be?” she asks.
“Margie,” I say. I motion toward Matt. “This is Matt.” I look into Matt’s eyes. “My friend.”
Margie smiles and walks to Matt with her hand stuck out. “Nice to meet you,” she says. He shakes hands with her, and she leaves again.
“Friend, huh?” he says with a smirk.
“Yep,” I say.
“I like that,” he tells me.
“Me, too.” I can’t bite back my grin.
“Can I call you later?” he asks.
I nod, and he kisses me really quickly on the cheek. He leaves, and I miss him immediately. I’m still going to kick Seth’s ass, though.
After my meeting, I go back to my office to find a flower delivery on my desk. I open the card and find that it reads, “Are you in love with me yet?”
Not yet. But I’m close. Really close, despite the fact that these feelings scare the shit out of me. My heart is overruling my head.
Matt
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I f**ked that up. I stop outside her office and look back toward the door. I want to go back in there and continue to apologize, but now she’s in a meeting. I already barged in when I shouldn’t have. Fuck.
There’s a florist on the corner so I drop in and order flowers for her. Girls like flowers, right? I don’t go overboard, because I just can’t afford to, but I get her a pretty red rose and make arrangements for them to take it to her with a note. Is she in love with me yet? I snort. Not even close, particularly not after what I said.
I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m not that guy. I’m not overtly sexual and out of control. Well, with her I might be a little. Last night when I reached up and unhooked her stockings, I almost came in my pants. And when she asked me if everything worked and I pressed the side of her foot against my dick, oh my God, I could barely stand it.
But I want so much more from her. Someone bumps into my shoulder, and I look up. Her ex-boyfriend smirks up at me. I am a few inches taller than him and I like that. “Pardon me,” I say. I turn to walk away when what I really want to do is flatten him.
“Pardon you for what?” he asks. “Fucking my girlfriend?”
I crack my knuckles really quickly because what I’m about to do is going to hurt. He doesn’t even see it coming. I punch him directly in the face, and he goes down like one of those blow-up clowns that falls over when you hit it. He lies there, rubbing his jaw. “Don’t ever talk about her like that again,” I say.
I shake out the pain in my hand. It hurts, but it’s a good hurt. I’d be willing to make it hurt a lot more if he’ll get up and say something else. I adjust my jeans over my thighs and squat down next to him. People are stopping in the street to look at us, but I don’t care. He’s lying there in his fancy suit, looking like a jackass. Probably because he is one. He’s a stupid motherfucker if he thinks he can talk about Sky like that. I stick out my hand.
“Want some help getting up?” I ask.
Warily, he reaches for my extended palm. He lets me pull him to his feet, and I make a production of brushing him off. “That’s enough,” he says.
“Yeah,” I warn. “It was. Don’t let it happen again.”
He knows what I’m talking about.
“If you’d wanted her, you could have kept her. You didn’t. So step aside like a man.”
He nods, rubbing his jaw.
“Sorry I hit you, man,” I say. I’m not. I’d do it again. But maybe now he’ll keep his f**king mouth shut. “You’re done with her, right?” I ask. With my history, I have to know.
“Yeah, I’m done,” he says. “Still don’t like it. But it is what it is.”
I want so badly to ask why it fell apart, but I need to get that information from her.
“She’s pretty damn awesome. But she has some issues.”
I hold up a hand to stop him. “Don’t tell me anything.”
“She’s never had anyone who loved her.”
“She does now.” Fuck me. Where did that come from?
“Yeah, I can tell.” He rubs his face again. “I was just going to give you shit and warn you off her.” He chuckles. “Got to respect a man with a right hook and decency on his side.” He sticks out his hand to shake. “Best of luck to you.”
I take his hand and squeeze it tightly. Not tight enough to hurt him, but tight enough to warn him. I’ll take him out if he does anything to hurt her.
“Daddy issues,” he says.
“What?”
“I may not love her enough, but I like her. And there’s one thing I know: she has daddy issues. Get through those and you might have a chance with her.”
I don’t know why he’s telling me all this.
He goes on. “She holds back. She’s willing to settle for less than she deserves because it’s what she knows. Or at least she did with me. Then she was willing to chuck it all for some kids she just met. So she’s not the one for me. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get in there.”
Oh, hell. Now I know more than I wanted to know. I make a mental note to throw out everything he just said because it’s all probably bullshit. And he’s still a dickwad.
But what if it’s not bullshit?
Shit. Now I’ll think about it.
“Thanks.” I don’t know what else to tell him.
He waves at me and goes into the building.
I walk to toward the subway so I can go to work. It’s not thirty minutes later that my phone buzzes.
Sky: You hit him?
Me: Yep.
Sky: Seriously?
Me: Yep.
There’s a long pause that makes me worry. But then my phone dings.
Sky: Thank you.
I grin. I can’t help it.
Me: My pleasure.
Sky: Can I ask why you hit him? He wouldn’t tell me.
Me: Because he’s a douche.
Sky: What did he say to you?
Me: Something he shouldn’t have.
Sky: Was it about me?
Me: Yep.
Sky: Tell me what it was. Please.
I heave a sigh and throw my head back.
Me: He accused me of f**king his girlfriend. So I hit him.
Sky: But…you’re not.
Me: I plan to.
Long pause.
Me: After I make you fall in love with me.
Sky: This is too fast, Matt.
Me: I almost died. Twice. I don’t like to waste time.
Sky: Oh.
Me: I like you. And I think I could love you.
Sky: It’s too fast.
Me: It scares the shit out of me, too, if it makes you feel better.
Sky: It does.
Sky: Are you coming over tonight?
Am I? I almost feel like I need to distance myself a little.
Me: I have appointments for tats at five, eight, and ten. So, I can’t tonight.
Sky: : - (
Me: I’ll see you tomorrow at Seth’s match.
Sky: Would it be weird if I tell you I miss you already?
A grin steals across my face.
Me: Not if you mean it.
Sky: Thanks for the flowers. They’re lovely.
Me: You in love with me yet?
Sky: Can I like you for a little while?
Me: Please do.
Sky: Talk to you later.
Me: Yep.
###
It’s almost ten thirty when I realize my last appointment is not going to show up. I have been counting the hours, wondering if I could get out of here and go see Sky before she goes to bed. I still don’t like the way we left things.
“Oh, just go see her,” Logan says, motioning toward the door. “Get the f**k out of here. You’ve been watching the clock all night. Go.” He makes a pushing motion with his hands. “Out. You’re making me sad with all the pining.”
“Are you going home soon?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he says as he motions toward a tattoo that’s almost done. “Just a few more minutes.” He points toward the front of the store where Friday is sitting with a book open in front of her, studying. “Friday’s still here. So get out of here.”
We have a rule about leaving no one alone in the shop. “You sure?” I ask. My heart starts to beat quicker.
“Get out,” he says. He goes back to work on the tat.
I grab my coat from the hook on the wall, put it on, and get out the door quicker than I ever have before. I can be at Sky’s before eleven if I hurry. I won’t even stay long. But I want to see her.
I rush to her apartment building and take the elevator up. I step up to her door and knock quietly so I won’t wake the kids. I hear soft footsteps, and my heart trips a beat. She opens the door, and she looks so f**king pretty in her baby-blue jammies and fuzzy slippers that I do the only thing I can think to do. I draw her into me. With a gasp, she falls against my chest. I can’t get close enough to her fast enough, so I grab her bottom tightly in my hands, hitch her higher against me, and then spin us both so I can press her against the wall. I look into her startled blue eyes for a moment, and then I press my lips to her open mouth. She freezes in my arms, and I press more insistently, kissing her softly but fully. I draw her lower lip between mine and give it a gentle suckle.
She doesn’t kiss me back, not completely, and I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong. She murmurs against my lips, but I don’t want to lift my head long enough to pay attention. But then I hear a cough behind us. I look over my shoulder and see a gentleman sitting on the couch. His knee is jumping, and his face is a little bit red.
Oh, fuck. Her father is here.
I just gave her a really bad kiss. Our first kiss. In front of her dad.
“Matt,” she says quietly, tapping my shoulders with her open palms. “Can you let me down?”
I step back and set her on her feet. “Fuck,” I breathe.
Skylar
Oh, Matt. Why did you do that?