It had to end. I had to end it now. I had to face my father.
If I did this on Roland’s terms, Curran and I would be over. I had promised Curran that when the time came, we would face Roland together. He loved me, but if I told him that he had to sit on his hands while I went to my death, he would leave me. He would forgive me almost anything else, but not that. But if we went there together, it would be double suicide.
“How did Hugh and my people survive?” I asked.
“Your father was watching. He held the undead and my people went down to retrieve the two men and the preceptor.”
If he wasn’t lying, it meant my father stopped that entire undead mob with a single effort of his will. The scope of that power was staggering. Curran and I wouldn’t get out alive.
“Tell me why I should trust you.”
“A fair question.” Landon tilted his head. “If your father simply wanted to capture or kill you, he could’ve done it a number of times. That is one of the reasons d’Ambray is out of favor. Teleportation is too unpredictable for anything but escape from certain death. He took an unnecessary risk with his life and with yours. The relevant question is why d’Ambray did it. Why imprison you inside Mishmar when he could’ve simply teleported you to Jester Park or dragged you there in handcuffs? The instruction given to d’Ambray was exactly the same as the one given to me.”
“And that is?”
“Persuade you to come to Jester Park of your own free will.”
“Why?”
“Your father has his reasons. He chose not to share them with me. But you should know that when he gives his word, he doesn’t lie.”
I laughed under my breath. Walk into my parlor, said the spider to the fly.
“Yes or no?” Landon asked quietly.
If I went, Curran would try to come with me and we both would probably die. If I told Curran no, we would be over and I would probably die. If I told Landon no, everybody would die. No good choices.
It was my turn to make sure the person I loved made it out of Mishmar alive. I could just sneak out in the middle of the night. Or lock Curran in a blood ward as soon as the magic wave came. Even if he broke through the ward, it would take the wind out of his sails and he couldn’t follow me.
Except I loved him. After our last fight, he promised me he would always be honest with me. I had promised him the same thing, and now I had to play by the rules.
“I’ll tell you in the morning.”
“I need an answer,” Landon said.
I stared at him. He didn’t look fazed.
It took me a full ten seconds to realize he couldn’t see my psycho stare through the vampire’s eyes. Nice going there, champ. “You’ll get your answer in the morning. If you did your homework, you know that I think logic and restraint are overrated. If you push me, I’ll get my people and see how many of this famed Golden Legion I can kill.”
“You’ll lose,” Landon said.
“Yes, but I’ll have a great time and take a hell of a lot of you with me. In the past few days, I’ve been threatened, teleported, drowned, starved, and locked in a cage while being forced to watch as people I care about died. I have so much rage in me, I’m having trouble keeping it inside. If you push me, you have my word that I’ll make it my personal mission to find you in the melee and slice your head from your body. I’d enjoy it. It would be fun for me. If you somehow manage to survive, you’ll have to go back to my father and explain how you had me in your grasp, but you were too clumsy and you failed, just like Hugh, and now a lot of vampires and I are dead. Somehow I doubt he would accept my head as a consolation prize. You’ll have my answer in the morning.”
I let go of the vampire’s mind, got up, and moved over to the fire. Curran still lay on his back.
“I know you’re awake.” I lay down next to him.
He opened his gray eyes and looked at me. I loved him so much, it hurt. I loved everything about him. The way his eyes lightened when he laughed. The way they shone with little gold sparks when he wanted me. The way his thick eyebrows came together when he was pissed off. I loved his nose that never healed right. I loved the stubble on his cheeks and the hard line of his jaw. I loved that he called me on my bullshit. I laughed at his jokes and I loved that he laughed at mine. I loved that no matter where I was he would come for me. That he would always be there, helping me cut my way through the mess that was life.
I leaned over to him and kissed him. I kissed him, trying to tell him all of the things I couldn’t put into words. I tried to tell him that I loved him, that he meant everything to me, and that I would fight for him. Nobody would take him away from me, because if they tried, I would carve a path right through them. He kissed me back, and tasting him was heaven. He was right here, alive, warm, and mine—but only until tomorrow. I held on to him. I’d just gotten him back. I couldn’t lose him. Not now.
“I love you,” I told him.
“I love you, too.” His gray eyes searched my face. “Something happened and it’s bad.”
“Yep. I got a visit from Landon Nez.”
“Who is he?”
“The Legatus of the Golden Legion. Hugh oversees the Iron Dogs; he’s Roland’s brute strength. Landon leads the Masters of the Dead. He is Ghastek’s boss.”
Curran’s face slid into a neutral mask. “What did he want?”
“He showed me a photograph of Robert and Christopher. They are alive. My father watched your duel with Hugh and then plucked Christopher and Robert out of Mishmar and took them to Jester Park.”
“Could the photograph be a fake?” Curran asked.
“Roland wouldn’t bother,” I told him. “My father is waiting in Jester Park. He wants to see me. I’m to come alone. If I can walk into Jester Park and claim our people, we can all go home. If not, Landon has about two hundred vampires parked two miles south of us.”
Curran’s face was impenetrable. I knew exactly what he was thinking, though. I could tell by the way he sat, very still, and by his eyes. They had iced over.
“Do you think your father is lying?” Curran asked.
“No.”
“We have two options,” he said, his voice quiet and calm. “Option one, you tell them no and we fight our way out. But we can’t win in a straight fight.”
“I agree. I could possibly kill some bloodsuckers, but all of them will be controlled by Masters of the Dead at least of Ghastek’s level. Before killing any of the vampires, I would have to wrestle all these navigators for control of their minds. It takes effort and time.”
“We’d be overrun.” Curran pondered the flames. “We could split now and run. There’s a chance they’ll come at us in smaller groups. It takes time and maneuvering to get two hundred vampires moving. But as soon as we stopped to fight one group, the rest would catch up.”
“Also, Robert and Christopher die.”
We looked at the fire. “This is one hell of a date,” I said.
“Trapped by a horde of vampires in the middle of a snow-covered field, huddling around a tiny fire on thin blankets,” Curran said. “Drink it in, baby. All this luxury just for you.”
“At least it’s not raining.”
We both looked up just in case a freak downpour decided to drench us, but the night sky was clear. Nothing but stars and desperation.
I didn’t want to die.
“If we make it too expensive for the Golden Legion, would they cut their losses?” Curran asked.
“No. I think Roland has made up his mind. As long as Landon has a single vampire left, he will try to get me.” Our options were shrinking with every word. I leaned against him. “Robert told me that if you didn’t come back and the question of my leadership of the Pack came up, some alphas might vote no confidence.”
Curran growled low under his breath. “Robert says a lot of things.”
“Ted had locked us in a cage at the chapterhouse and Hugh had killed all of the knights. He got a hold of Ascanio and threatened to kill him. He was healing him and then unhealing, back and forth, and I told him if he saved the boy, I would come out of the cage.”
“Sounds like you.”
“Robert thought that I lacked the ruthlessness to be in charge. I should’ve let Ascanio die, because Hugh getting his hands on me would’ve been a disaster for the Pack.”
“He was right,” Curran said.
“I agree. But I can’t do it. I can’t turn my back on Robert and Christopher. I just can’t. It’s not in me.”
“I know,” he said. “That’s who you are. But I’m ruthless enough for both of us. Roland thinks you might be his daughter. He wants you to come to him. He wants a big show. Either you’re an impostor and you’ll die in front of an audience, or you’re real and he gets to show you off. Even if you walk out of there, there will be no more hiding. That’s why you’re not going.”
“I have to go and see him, Curran. If it’s not Christopher and Robert, then the next time it will be Julie, or Derek, or you in the photograph. I can’t keep doing this.”
He faced me, his eyes hard. “No.”
“Yes.”
His eyes sparked with gold. I looked into his irises. The urge to freeze gripped me. There it was, the Beast Lord’s famous alpha glare. I hadn’t seen it for a while.
His voice came out deep and ragged, as if the leonine snarl cut the words to pieces as they tried to break out of his mouth. “Kate, no. You’re not going. I mean it.”
I had to convince him or this thing between us would be over. I racked my brain trying to scrounge up smart, persuasive words, the right words, but I had nothing.
He was still staring at me, waiting.
Fuck it. “I love you. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to argue. I have to do this, because like you said, this is who I am. I don’t abandon the people who fought for me. If I compromise on this, soon I’ll compromise on other things and then I won’t be me anymore. I can’t let my father bend me into something I’m not. I won’t. I know it’s stupid and reckless, but I have to at least try, Curran. I have to try and I’m afraid.”
The alpha stare died.
“I won’t ask you to stand with me,” I said. “I don’t want you to come, because he’s forcing me to challenge him and if you come with me, you would be challenging him, too. I’m not sure I’ll come through this alive and even if I do, he’ll come after me with everything he has. I want you to live and be happy, Curran. I want you to survive. I want to marry you and have your children, but if I die, I want you to marry and have kids with someone who would make you happy. I want you to live. All I ask is that you let me have what’s left of this night with you. Don’t leave me now over this and don’t fight with me about it. I need you. Please.”
Curran pulled me to him. His arms closed around me and for a moment I felt safe. It was an illusion, but I didn’t care.
“We go together,” he said.
“No.”
“I don’t tell you what battles to fight. Don’t tell me when to fight mine.”
“Curran, there is no turning back after this . . .”
He shook his head. “I love you. We go together.”
“But . . .”
“No,” he said. “Not up for discussion.”
Oh, you stupid idiot. “You’re crazy, you know that?”
“Yes. But I’m a demon in the sack.”
I laughed. “Okay then. That fixes everything.”
“That’s right, it does.”
I fell asleep in his arms by the slowly dying fire in the cold snowed-in field. I wouldn’t have traded it for the most luxurious palace.