‘Really?’
‘No!’ She slapped my knee. ‘Not really! Because he can’t help what his parents named him. And he’s actually really kind and sweet, and yes he is hot, plus he’s perfect for this current phase in my life.’
‘Which is?’
‘Which is the phase of needing an escort for the Halloween Masquerade Ball so I don’t look like a huge loo-hoo-ser in front of all my peers.’
‘Oh,’ I said, suddenly remembering the dance. ‘Then I guess this loo-hoo-ser will be going all by herself then.’
‘Cris is on the football team.’
‘Oh, that Crispin. Cris.’ The realization dawned on me. Tall, blond, ripped Crispin. ‘He is hot. Still, terrible name.’
Millie swirled her hand in the air. ‘He sits beside me in chemistry.’
‘How convenient …’
‘We’re lab partners … I let him cheat off me sometimes.’
I feigned a gasp. ‘Millicent!’
‘Look, science isn’t his strong suit,’ she said. ‘He is, however, a very accomplished baker. He makes a mean blueberry pie.’
‘Is this … is this a euphemism?’
‘I kid you not.’
‘Huh.’
‘Anyway, anyway, I was making a point here. If you want, I can get him to set you up with one of his friends and we can all ride in the limo together.’
‘The limo?’
‘Yes,’ Millie said. ‘The limo. So you can just go ahead and remove that negative attitude, wrap it up in a bow and hide it away for a rainy day, because you and I are arriving at the dance in a limo.’
‘Couldn’t I just walk alongside it … ?’
Millie cut her eyes at me. ‘You’re going inside the limo or I’m strapping you to the top of it. Your decision.’
‘Fine. I suppose I’ll take the luxury.’
‘Do you want me to set you up with one of Cris’s friends or not?’
The mere idea of adding one more testosterone-fuelled boy to my life was about as appealing as sawing my little finger off. ‘Oh, no thank you, I’d rather die,’ I said politely.
Millie reacted like I had just violently yanked her ponytail. ‘Sophie! Come on. Let me actually help drag you back into the real world. This could be good for you. And it would definitely be good for me.’
‘A minute ago, you were pushing me and Luca together!’
‘That was a joke,’ said Millie. ‘Obviously I’d prefer you to be with someone who doesn’t kill people for a living.’
‘What about being by myself?’ I asked her. ‘I’m a pretty cool person. I could be in a very happy relationship with myself. I could also look into acquiring an aloof-yet-stylish cat.’
‘And that,’ said Millie, with a flurry of old-world drama in her voice, ‘is precisely the problem, my dear. Let me get involved.’
I turned my whole body towards her so she would know I was totally serious when I said, ‘Millie, do not under any circumstances meddle with my dating life.’
My phone buzzed. I cancelled the call.
Millie blew wisps of chestnut-brown hair from her face, pouting. ‘Fine.’
My phone buzzed again. Cancel.
‘You clearly have enough crap going on,’ she said, flicking her gaze to my lap, where Luca’s number was blowing up my screen. ‘Are you going to answer that?’
I eyed the phone with contempt. ‘No.’
‘I thought you said he wasn’t talking to you.’
‘That was before I sneaked out without a chaperone.’
Millie turned the radio down until it was a low hum between us. Her voice changed, tinges of reverence slipping into it now. ‘Does he know where you’re going today?’
‘Of course not.’
A text flashed on screen:
Where have you gone? This is NOT funny.
I flipped the phone over and turned it on silent. ‘Why would I invite Luca?’
‘Because he was there when it happened,’ she said softly. ‘I think he would want to be there for you today.’
‘Why? To keep an eye on me? Can I not even grieve in private?’
Millie flinched. ‘No, just to be there for you. Like he was … after it happened.’
I shut my eyes, the memory of Luca’s arms around me rushing in. I remembered how safe I had felt with him, how gentle he was with me, the feel of his lips against my hair, his thumbs wiping tears from my cheeks. I remembered his heartbeat thudding against mine, and how sure I had been, in the dusky quiet of my room all those weeks ago, that it meant something real. I had never felt so close to someone before. I had never felt so seen.
How could I have been so wrong?
I shook my head. ‘He wouldn’t care, Mil. Trust me, his mind is on other things now. And besides, this day isn’t about him. It’s about my mom.’
‘I know,’ she said softly. ‘We’ll give her the goodbye she deserves.’
I looked out the window, at flashes of familiarity – at the open road that was taking me home, back to Cedar Hill.
‘Are you ready?’ she asked.
No. I’m not ready. I’m never going to be ready.
I closed my eyes and imagined the mask shifting into place. A smile painted over a frown. Bright eyes to hide the tears. ‘Yes,’ I lied. ‘I’m ready.’
I turned the radio back up. Taylor Swift filled the silence. There were no words for that moment, nothing to take away the sting of where we were going, of what today meant. Millie reached over and clasped my hand in hers.