Ryker glared at me now. “Talked her out of it? The fuck you on about? This is our business, not yours.”
I gritted my teeth. “Ryker, listen to yourself, this a fucking kid we’re talking about –”
“A kid that I can’t look after or protect,” he cut in, raising his voice. “I’m not going to have some prison baby. That kid doesn’t deserve that. And once I’m outta here, what the fuck kind of life can I give it? I’d be a fuck up daddy with no good job prospects.”
“We’re talking about your kid here –”
“Fuck the kid! I care about Allie. I care about her future. Not some fucking mistake we made.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Look, Allie’s got a bright life ahead of her. She’s smart. She’s got college soon. She studies hard, and she’s got so much potential. I see fire in her. Always have. It’s one of the things that drew me to her, and I’m not ruining that by making her have a kid. I’m not making her some ghetto mother –”
“She wouldn’t be a ghetto mother,” I fired back, balling my fists. “Fuck, Ryker, have some compassion. You know Mom was pressured to abort us? The fuckheads in her life didn’t want us, but she went on through and she had us. I want the same for this kid.”
“But it ain’t your kid!” he howled back, causing some heads to turn our way. “And look how we ended up anyway! Fucking broke as hell all our lives. No daddy around, just a bunch of violent fuck-ups that ruined her life. So don’t be preaching that keeping a fucking kid means it’s giving it a good life –”
“It means it’s giving it a shot!”
“Look, I understand where you’re coming from, bro. I admire that. I know you’re against it, and hell, maybe one day you’ll face the same decision with a chick you dig. But this is my business, my woman, my mistake. You don’t have a say.”
I shouldn’t have said it, but fuck I was angry when I retorted with, “Yeah, well I’m on this side of the table, aren’t I? A free man has more of a say than one who isn’t. And judging by her indifference to you, I’d say she isn’t your woman.”
In just a second his anger broke, and his eyes watered.
“Fuck you, Heath,” he hissed, pained by my words. “That’s low.”
I didn’t reply for a moment. I sighed as the guilt built inside of me. That was low.
“Shit, Ryker,” I whispered regretfully, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. Fuck, I just got angry.”
He shrugged, looking down at the table without a word.
“Now you’re right, it’s your mistake, but you need to be a man and accept that this pregnancy is happening. Allie’s going through with it. Whether you’re in it or not, she’s going to do this, with or without your support.”
Still no word from him, but his body was tense. This wasn’t how I intended for this to go. I’d hoped to speak some sense into him, not have an argument that left him feeling like shit. I should have chosen my words more carefully. Fuck, maybe he was right about everything and it wasn’t my business. I had just inserted myself in their issues, didn’t I? I’d had no right to, either.
“Is she done with me?” he asked, a hollow look on his face.
“It’s not my place to answer that,” I said, hating myself for letting that out.
“Just give me one, man. I’m begging you.”
Fuck. “I… I don’t know, Ryker. That’s the honest truth, okay?”
His eyes were red with unshed tears. In that moment I realized just how much he really loved her. This was a goddamn mess. His heart was on the table. I could see it bleeding out hope.
“Man,” I let out, with a shake of my head, “why did you do it, Ry? Why? Everything was going well. You had her. You had work. You had friends. You had me. Why did you do it?”
He licked his bottom dry lip and blinked hard to keep the tears back. “You don’t want to fucking know, bro.”
“What don’t I want to know?”
“You don’t want to know the shit I stirred out there. It’s not something I’ll be able to get out of here and walk away from.”
I stared at him hard, trying to understand. “What did you get yourself into?”
He didn’t answer. He looked around again, those lips shut, his expression pained. I wanted to shake him and demand what the fuck he was talking about!
“Ryker,” I pressed.
“Doesn’t matter,” he whispered. “It doesn’t involve you.”
“You’re my brother. You’re my friend. You’re my blood. Whatever happens to you involves me. I love you, man. You know that.”
He nodded.
Minutes went by. The silence was killing me. I wanted inside that damn head of his. I wanted to understand everything. But that opportunity passed on by. I knew it by the look in his eyes. He was going to end the conversation and retreat back into the secretive shell of his.
“Whatever happens,” came his quiet, defeated voice as he locked his brown eyes to mine, “just look out for her, bro. You’re the only one I trust out there. The only one, Heath. And if you think she can do this, then that’s fine. I’ll… learn to accept it somehow. All I ask is you keep her safe and looked after, and I know that’s a lot to ask, but I swear to fucking God I’ll come out of here and kiss the fucking ground you walk on because she’s all I have. She’s all I need. She’s everything to me, Heath. So please…”
My throat locked up tight. My eyes felt raw with the need to cry, but I managed to hold myself together. It wasn’t right. This whole situation was fucked up. I shouldn’t be coming to a prison to see my brother. Despite the secretive bullshit he’d gotten involved in, he didn’t deserve this. How the fuck could I have thought otherwise? This was punishment enough. I wished I could throw him a key, set him free and watch him change. Because I truly believed he would. He would grab that second chance with everything inside of him and turn his life around.
“You don’t even need to ask,” I choked out with a firm nod. “It’s done, brother.”
*
Allie was sitting on the couch eating a bowl of ice cream when I walked into the apartment. She turned away from the trash show she was watching and immediately straightened her back at the sight of me. She was wearing one of Ryker’s huge motorcycle tops and his sweats. Her hair was up in a messy bun, her blue eyes wide as they met mine.