Not like this.
And I can’t crumble in the way I need to because I can’t endanger the baby. So, I point my car in the direction of Noel’s house.
I need her.
I’m ringing the bell incessantly when she finally comes to the door. Her eyes widen when she sees my face.
“What’s wrong?”
“I just—” I shake my head, the tears coming freely now. “I just needed someone.”
“Come on.” She wraps her arm around my shoulders and leads me into the house. “Are you hurt?”
“Just my heart,” I blurt out as we sit on the couch. I curl up in the corner and let the floodgates open, crying like I never have before.
“I’m going to kill him,” she says, her voice full of anger and righteousness. “I swear to God, he’s a dead man.”
I shake my head and fall into her lap, letting her play with my hair as I sob all of the disappointment, fear, and worry away.
It’s been a long day and an even longer month.
When the tears slow, she passes me a fresh Kleenex, and I sit up, wiping my eyes and coming away with a black tissue.
“Ruined my makeup,” I sniff.
“And how,” she agrees. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Yeah. I’m going to have a baby.”
“Holy shit!” She pulls me to her, hugging me fiercely. “Is this why you’re upset? Oh my God, did Jace ditch you when he found out?”
“No.” I laugh despite myself. “No, he wouldn’t do that. But I told him that he needs to get his shit together.”
“Good advice,” she says with a thoughtful nod. “But you need to tell me everything. From the beginning.”
I take a deep breath. “Well, they settled the lawsuit . . .”
“Hand me that screwdriver,” Dad says, pointing to my left. I needed to come and talk to him. I went to bed late last night without even one word from Jace.
“This one?”
“Yeah.”
I pass it over and sigh as Dad dives back under his truck, tinkering away. Nancy is sleeping on a blanket next to the front tire. She’s never far away from my dad, and it makes my heart happy.
They love each other.
“What brings you over? Not that I’m not happy to see you, I’m just surprised,” he says, and I bite my lip.
Maybe telling him I’m knocked up when I can’t see his face is a good thing.
Suck it up, buttercup.
“Can you come out from under there?”
He slides out, wiping his hands on a towel and stands, watching me with eyes the same color as mine.
“What’s up? Are you okay?”
“Oh, yeah.” I swallow and nod. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just wanted to come by and tell you that you’re going to be a grandpa.”
Dad’s eyes light up, and he wraps me in his arms, spinning me around the garage.
“Well, this is great news. Where’s Jace?” He glances out the door toward my car, but I shake my head.
“I’m not sure.”
He frowns. “Well, is he excited?”
“I don’t know that either,” I admit with a deep breath, taking in the musty smell of motor oil and garage. “We had a fight last night when I told him.”
“A fight?” He frowns and leads me into the house, then puts the kettle on for some tea. “What on earth did you fight about?”
“I haven’t seen him, Dad.” I sit at the kitchen table and rub my hands over my face. My eyes are still tender from crying on Noel last night. “Since he went back to work last month, I’ve barely seen him.”
“And?”
I uncover my face and stare at him as if he didn’t hear me.
“We’re engaged, and I haven’t seen him,” I repeat, but he shrugs as he waits for the water to boil.
“You’ve known that Jace works a lot of hours. He always has.”
“I know.” I nod and trace the wood grain in the table. “But he promised that he’d make more time for me now that things have changed between us, and if anything, it’s worse.”
“Because he’s been catching up from being gone from the hospital for a month, and he’s still getting used to a new position of authority.” He nods, thinking it over. “Don’t you think you’re being a bit selfish?”
“Selfish?” I scowl, my hackles up. “Dad, I don’t think it’s selfish to want to spend time with my fiancé.”
“Not at all,” he agrees. “That’s not the selfish part.”
“What kind of a father is he going to be?” I blurt out, making him frown. “I know he’ll love us, but it’s his time we need. His fancy car, and house, and all the rest of it? I don’t care, Dad. We need him.”
“So, you want him to show up as a father, but in the past month, have you shown up as a partner?”
“Well, I’ve called and texted. I got no answer.”
“Did you go up to that hospital and take him lunch? Stop by in the evening with a fresh pair of clothes and a hug to encourage him?”
“He’s working.”
“And I know Jace,” he interrupts. “He would take the fifteen minutes to see you and be grateful that you thought of him.”
“No,” I say with a loud exhale, feeling defeated. “I didn’t do those things. I wallowed in self-pity.”
“Relationships are all about compromise, Joy. It’s not all about you. You had a month with him when he had nothing else to do with his time but devote every minute of the day to you, but that’s not who he is.”
“No,” I murmur, shame washing through me. “It’s not.”
“And you can’t expect him to dive back into the deep end and not give him some slack to get it all under control. Any new job is going to take several months to figure out. Hell, I remember when you started your clinic, I didn’t see you for almost six months.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“I understood, darlin’,” he replies, pouring our tea and joining me at the table. He takes my hand in his and gives it a squeeze. “Now, you need to be the one to show up and give him support while he gets this all sorted out. I’m not saying he did everything right, but I don’t think you’ve taken a minute to walk in his shoes.”
“No, I’ve been too busy missing him,” I admit. “It’s not easy to go from all of his attention to none of it.”
“I know.” He smiles softly. “Why do you think I’ve been so angry at your mama?”
“Oh, Dad.” I cover our hands with my free one and feel tears spring to my eyes. “But it wasn’t her fault.”
“And I don’t think this is Jace’s fault either,” he says. “I’ve decided to start sorting through your mom’s things over the next few months. I’m going to have to take baby steps.”
“We’ll help,” I promise him. “I’m proud of you, Dad.”
“Your mom would have been so excited at the thought of being a grandma.” His lip quivers with unshed tears. “She would have spoiled this baby like crazy.”
“I know it.” I nod and let my tears fall unchecked down my cheeks. “Seems I’ve been doing a lot of crying lately.”
“Hormones,” he says with a laugh. “I think you owe Jace an apology, Joy.”
“Yeah.” I swallow hard and pull away, leaning back in my seat. “I messed it all up.”
“I’d say you both did a good job of that,” he says before taking a sip of his tea. “This still tastes like twigs to me.”
“Then why did you brew it?”
“Well, isn’t that what you do for pregnant ladies? Make them tea?”
I dissolve into giggles, happy that I came home to see my dad. “I guess you do. I think it’s good, thank you.”
“Are you going to go find him after this?”
“No.”
He scowls at me, and I shrug a shoulder. “I have a few things to do, but I’m going to text him and ask him to meet with me.”