Ryan played with a long strand of my hair, twisting it around his finger. “The little bit of feelings I had for her are nothing in comparison to how I feel about you, I can tell you that!”
I was reveling in his words until he laughed lightly.
“What’s so funny?” I asked, getting worried.
“You know we film out of sequence, right? Well, one of the final scenes we shot this week was of our big breakup,” he snickered. “And man, was I ever in character for that!”
I couldn’t help but feel as though I was the one to blame for his breakup motivation. Guilt washed over me again.
“I’m so sorry for what I did to you… for doubting you,” I said with much regret. “I hope you are able to forgive me.”
His hand cupped my head to his chest. “No, Taryn. I did this. I put the doubt into your mind. Don’t you dare feel bad.”
“But I do. I ruined everything,” I muttered. “All your plans...”
“Don’t. I should have told you about her. I should have done more to put your mind at ease, but I didn’t,” he admitted. “Instead, I was angry with you for questioning my faithfulness. I realize that now. I’m just glad that I realized it before it was too late.”
He squeezed me in his arms. “I need you to forgive me.”
I wrapped my arms around him tighter, pulling him closer, while his warmth and presence stitched my soul back together.
“There’s nothing to forgive,” I whispered. “Only lessons learned.”
Ryan softly kissed the top of my head.
My mind drifted as he held me. I thought about how I would handle the first moment I ever came face to face with Lauren Delaney. Our paths would cross eventually, now that Ryan and I were officially engaged. There would be a Thousand Miles movie premier to attend in my future. My visions of that initial meeting were far from ladylike.
“Did Lauren ever confess?” I asked, recalling Kyle’s eleventh hour admission.
“She denied being involved… at first.” Ryan scratched his brow. He seemed reluctant to continue.
“It’s okay, just tell me.”
“She cried - hard. She said she should have never left me go,” he scoffed, “but my intensity when we were dating scared her or some shit like that. Well, that was her excuse for cheating on me.”
He pursed his lips with disgust. “After I told her that there was no way in hell I’d ever get back with her, she admitted that she was trying to keep me from making a huge mistake. She thought I was being impulsive and shortsighted with wanting to propose to you.”
I adjusted my cheek on his arm, mulling over his last sentence. I also pictured Lauren pleading and begging with him to take her back.
“And then Taryn fell silent,” he muttered. Ryan rolled over onto his side and stared at my face.
I swallowed hard before speaking, burying my pained eyes in my pillow. “I can almost pinpoint the exact time in my memory when that conversation happened. It was when you told me you needed time to think.”
Ryan pulled my chin up.
“I’m not going to deny that I didn’t think about what she said. Not the part about her being a dirty, little tramp and wanting me back,” he corrected. “The other part.”
“And?” I asked hesitantly.
He was silent for a few seconds. “Look in my eyes,” he instructed softly.
His request was confusing to me at first, because I was expecting him to say more after that. Instead, we lay still, gazing at each other for a very long minute. And then I saw it… it was all suddenly very clear to me. I saw our life together, our future, in brief snippets of time. I could not imagine being happy without him. I rested my hand on his cheek, guiding his lips to mine. When Ryan kissed me, life had meaning again.
“This last week, when everything turned to shit, that was a new low for me,” he admitted. “The lowest I’ve ever been.”
I laughed lightly. “I think I found a new level of low, ten floors down below the pit of despair.”
Ryan chuckled in agreement. “So what do you think all that misery means?”
I thought about it for a moment. “Well, for me… I think it means that I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone but you.”
He softly kissed my lips. “So if we both feel the same way, and we’re absolutely miserable without each other, then there can’t be anything impulsive or short-sighted about it, can there?”
I smiled and shook my head. “No, I guess not.”