I threw the covers off and hurried to my computer. Pete and Tammy were in the living room watching Sunday night television.
I searched one of the online sources for paparazzi photos that I knew of. It was hard to get past the viscous headlines.
“Oh God!” I groaned, viewing pictures of me looking like a drowned rat. “Does Ryan think I look happy to see Kyle in any of these shots?”
I studied the picture of Kyle hugging and consoling me. “Look, my arms are straight. I’m not even hugging him back. And here it looks like I’m pushing him away from me. How could Ryan even think that I have feelings for this guy?”
“How could you ever doubt Ryan’s love for you?” Tammy whispered.
“I never doubted Ryan before, but when I saw the love letter and the panties… and then got a phone call telling me that he was with the other woman at that moment – what was I supposed to think?” I retorted.
I looked back at the pictures on my computer. “When I was on the plane to come home, I guess I started to agree with Kyle. He said that all things happen for a reason and maybe it was better that all this happened now instead of having Ryan leave me after we’re married and bring children into this world. That’s usually when all the celebrity marriages end.”
Marie groaned angrily. “That slick bastard.”
I looked at a few more pictures, reliving the devastation I felt at the time they were taken all over again.
“The note said that he’d let this go on long enough. I didn’t know what to believe.” My fingers trailed down my computer screen.
Marie couldn’t wait any longer; she punched a few keys on her cell phone. “Ryan, what did you find out?”
I knew Ryan had Marie’s cell number; I never knew Marie had his.
“Housekeeping said there weren’t any undergarments on the floor when they made his bed,” Marie whispered over the phone to me.
She informed him about how the bellboy must have put the note on the bed and her suspicions about Kyle’s involvement.
“He wants to talk to you.” Marie smiled, holding out her cell.
“Hi,” I whispered apprehensively. I didn’t know how he would react to me.
“Hi,” Ryan said softly. “Are you okay?”“No,” I admitted; the burn of remorse seeped into my chest. “I thought I lost you.”
“Tar, Honey…” He breathed heavily. “Why, I mean, how could you think?” Ryan’s voice cracked.
“I yelled for you. I ran after you!” His speech quivered. “I didn’t know why you left me.”
“The note… it said you were going to end it with me. I thought… you and Lauren.” The tears streamed down my cheeks. “I was going to wait and show it to you and make you tell me to my face that she was what you wanted, but then some man called and I saw you in the restaurant… I didn’t know you were filming… I swear I didn’t know.”
“So you were going to give up? Just like that?” Ryan asked.
“If Lauren is what you need to be happy, what’s the point in fighting? Would it ever make a difference and change your mind if you wanted someone else? I’ve been there before, Ryan. Once one person in the relationship veers off course, there’s nothing that can bring them back.”
He was silent. I could hear him breathing. His lack of conversation frightened me even further, but I waited.
“How…” he choked on his words. “How can we ever… make it… if you don’t believe in me?”
The hollow pain shot back into my chest. He was veering off course.
“I do believe in you!” I defended. “I do.” My words came in pleading whispers. “But how was I to take evidence that stated otherwise?”
Ryan’s breathing became louder, labored.
“What happens the next time some fan sends some bullshit letter that you think is real? Are we going to be right back in this same spot again?”
he snapped angrily.
“No, we won’t, because reading some letter that arrives in the mail is a lot different than finding a love note from your co-star ex-girlfriend and silk panties that aren’t mine on the floor next to your bed in your hotel room.”
“I’m afraid now that you’ll never be able to trust me,” he muttered.
I could hear it in his voice and I knew him well enough to know he was trying to convince himself otherwise.
“That depends…” I uttered softly, wiping my tears.