I winced from the thought. “I don’t think so.”
Ryan was silent for so long, I thought maybe he’d dozed off, but his tempered breathing told me otherwise.
“So what else is stirring in your thoughts?” His fingers skimmed along my jaw. “I can’t read your mind but I know it’s going a million miles an hour, so you have to tell me where your head’s at.”
“My head is still stunned, fighting with the feeling that everything has changed and yet nothing has changed.”
His hand slid down to my rear, curling my leg over his thigh. “Dwelling on your ex?” I heard the minute tinge of worry in his question. “No. Not dwelling. Not at all. But I am processing. He told me he slept with that girl because he was mad that I left him in bed to go help Pete.”
Ryan made a derisive snort. “Are you serious?”
“Serious.”
“What an asshole. His loss.” Then he nudged me with his chin. “You upset about it?”
I rested my hand on his broad shoulder, feeling his heartbeat on my cheek. “No. I never knew why he cheated on me. I’ve spent way too much time thinking that I wasn’t good enough.”
His hand cupped my head and he kissed my hair tenderly. “Don’t ever think that.”
“It’s hard not to. Whatever. At least now I know why he did it.”
His cheek brushed my forehead. “Then I’m glad you got closure. There are too many past hurts standing in our way. Yours and mine.”
I had to remind myself that we’d both been betrayed by lovers. “His infidelity broke me.”
He tipped my chin up again and kissed me. “Nothing that I can’t fix.” He smiled gently, warming my battered spirit. I loved this man so deeply I could hardly contain it, knowing that he would weather any storm in our path. I needed to kiss him more than I needed anything else in the world.
Ryan’s teeth grazed my bottom lip but then he pulled back, not letting himself get carried away, though I could see that he had to fight his body for control. Knowing that he was restraining his urges to care for me this way was more than any gift he could ever give me. I rested on his chest, content in knowing that he’d get me through whatever life had in store for me.
Regardless of my feelings for Thomas, seeing him cry at Melanie’s funeral emotionally ravaged me and those thoughts of her passing were still swirling in my mind. “I can’t believe Melanie is gone. It’s hard to process that.”
“It sucks. I had a good friend in high school die in a car wreck. For weeks after it happened, I could have sworn I heard his voice in the halls.” He took a deep breath. “I was supposed to hang out with him the night he died. When I think about how close I came to . . . well, I think about it sometimes.” I glanced up at him, grateful to be able to share these things.
“Wasn’t your time.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“It’s been a few years since I’d seen her last. I guess that put some distance in our friendship. And I know that Thomas is devastated by it. He came looking for comfort and we sort of jumped on him. I feel crappy about it, actually. They both were a huge part of my life for a lot of years. I shouldn’t have treated him so callously.”
Ryan sniffed and I could tell he didn’t agree. “I know you two have history but he had to be told that that’s where it stays . . . in the past. I have enough shit to worry about without having to worry about him trying to worm his way back into your life.” I groaned, wrapping my thigh over his.
“He’s not going to worm his way back in. You know you have nothing to worry about.”
“Just making sure it stays that way. Still, he needed to hear that from me. You leave a guy an in and he’ll take it.”
“I’d say you got your point across. Doesn’t matter. He’s history.”
Ryan cupped some water and poured it down his face. I could sense his frustration.
“Are you really that bothered by him?”
“No.” He sighed and rubbed his forehead.
“Then what is it?”
He seemed hesitant. “We got other shit to worry about.”
I held his eyes until he broke. “I know this isn’t the best time to talk about this but I want to keep you informed before you hear it from someone else.”
I closed my eyes, fearing what he had to say.
“Marla is threatening to sue me for breach of contract.”
I actually relaxed and breathed a sigh of relief before fully processing his words.