My voice cracked. “Can I see you sometime?”
“Oh, sweetheart. I would love that.”
“Me, too. Can you tell me where my birth parents are?”
I let her cry for a few minutes. I knew this was hard on everyone. “I wanted to keep you,” she said ruefully. “Joey—he was just a kid—and my husband, Paul, had lost his job.
Things were . . . this would not have been a good place for you. I . . . I need you to know that.”
I chewed on my thumbnail, holding my emotions in. “Why did you stop talking to my mom? You were sisters. You, you didn’t even come to her funeral. Was that because of me?”
“Oh, no, dear. Your mother and I . . . Things were strained between us before you were born. Please don’t . . . please don’t think that.”
I wiped my cheek, sensing she was lying.
“Where are my birth parents?” She sighed. “Joe has a family of his own now. He’s in California. Lake Tahoe.” I found my head bobbing with understanding from her subtle tone, to let it be.
“It’s been . . . It’s been a long time. I suppose he doesn’t need his skeletons to rise.” She hemmed. “He has a lovely wife and two young girls. I’m worried it might be a shock for him. I’m not sure his wife knows he fathered a child at sixteen. It might not be something he wants to divulge.” I swallowed back the tinge of rejection.
“Okay. What about my birth mother? Kelcie Tremont?”
Aunt Joan sniffed. “Taryn, she, um . . .
there was a car accident. She and Joey and you . . . It wasn’t his fault. Her parents had kicked her out of the house when she got pregnant and then they blamed him after the accident. You were barely six months old when it happened.”
It felt like a hot knife slid right into my heart. I had four parents who were all dead to me. How cruel is that?
“You look just like her. Just so you know.
But you have Joey’s blue eyes.” My lip trembled as I held back a sob. “Um, well, if . . . if you talk to Joe can you please tell him that I know and I’d really like to get to know him? He can decide if he . . . if he wants to contact me. All this time I didn’t even get to know him as a cousin.” Ryan stood behind me, placing comforting hands on my shoulders.
“I’ll tell him but I can’t make any promises. Your father, Dan, was very cruel to him, Taryn, cutting Joe off from all contact with you, even claiming that Joe was mentally un-stable when he returned from the Gulf.”
“Was he?”
“Oh no. He had some post-traumatic stress but fortunately he wasn’t injured.”
“If you talk to him, can you please also tell him that I have all of his letters that he sent?
I started reading them but it’s . . . it’s a lot right now. But I want him to know that I will read every one.”
“Oh, okay. I will.”
I gave her my cell number. “I’m going to be getting married soon. My fiancé and I haven’t really discussed the details yet but I’m . . . I’m very happy. He treats me like gold.”
Ryan kissed the top of my head.
“So it’s true?” she asked with renewed enthusiasm. “You and that famous young actor are engaged?”
I nodded, looking up into Ryan’s eyes.
“Yes. And I’m madly in love with him.”
He kissed my hand and smiled.
“He ran into Mitchell’s Pub one afternoon avoiding an onslaught of fans and now—now he’s mine.”
Somehow just saying those words out loud to someone in my family made everything gell into place. Those eyes, that devastatingly handsome smile, even with his crazy hair sticking up—he was all mine.
“Hey man! Good to see you!” Cory said ex-uberantly, shaking Ryan’s hand when we went down to the pub. I had to distract myself from the trauma of the day, and sitting in the apartment going slowly mad was not healthy.
I watched our new bartender/waitress, Kara, comfortably handle the crowd. She seemed like a really good fit. Cory’s roommate, Trevor, was carding people at the door.
It was weird having people I barely knew working for me.
Ryan yanked his Mitchell’s Pub ball cap down on his brow and slipped onto a stool next to Mike, who was watching Marie as if someone might try to steal her.
“You still hear from Francesca?” Ryan asked Cory.
He opened a beer for Ryan. “Nah. She’s filming in Australia right now. We tried to hook up a few times but I can’t afford to fly around the globe while she’s doing her thing.
She knows where I am if she changes her mind.”
I stepped behind the bar, hoping to feel as if I belonged there. I needed to belong somewhere. I tried to wait on a customer but Cory nudged me out of the way. Then I started to mix a drink but Marie told me she had it.
I stood next to Ryan, slightly dumbfounded. It was hard not to let the sadness of the day creep back in. Not only was I questioning everything I’d been brought up to believe was true about my life, but now the only place that had marked my identity didn’t need me anymore.
“You okay?” he asked, concerned. He twisted around so I was between his thighs.
I shrugged, trying to spare him the depth of my sadness. I put a smile on my face instead. “I guess they don’t really need me to help.” I watched Marie and Cory taking care of customers, keeping the flow going. The new waitress, Kara, was mixing drinks and tapping beer as well as hustling around waiting on customers. I truly wasn’t needed behind the bar at Mitchell’s Pub. Is it possible to be kicked out of your own life?
“Taryn, want to sit?” Mike asked, offering up his chair.
“No thanks. You just stay there.” I felt safe with Ryan wrapped around me. Mike was gazing at Marie, completely enraptured. “So I take it you and Marie made up?”
A sly grin appeared on his face and he nodded. “I took Ryan’s advice.” I raised a brow, glad for the distraction.
“And that was?”
Ryan laughed.
“Shut her up quick by kissing her before she has an opportunity to yell at me.” I laughed. “And did it work?” Marie glanced over and smiled devilishly.
“I sure as hell hope so,” Mike said with a chuckle.
Of course I had to find an excuse to get behind the bar and drill her for answers.
“So, did you do him?” I asked her privately, wondering if she took advantage of time and space when Ryan took me to the beach. I pretended to be occupied while watching the fangirls go berserk when they realized Ryan Christensen was sitting at the bar.