Ryan’s fingers were woven with mine but I could tell his mind was elsewhere. I knew what was on the shooting schedule today and he was so distant and quiet, he was practically mute.
Mike escorted us quickly from the car, leading us to one of the camper trailers parked nearby.
I set my laptop bag and purse down and sat at the small dinette, dreading this day worse than open-heart surgery without sed-atives. It was time to break our comfortable silence.
“I don’t know how this usually works. Do you want me to wait in here today? I will if you’re going to be uncomfortable.”
Ryan stood there, staring at me.
I stared back, waiting for his decision.
“Just be honest.”
“I don’t know,” he mumbled, eyeing everything but me for the moment. “I want you there and then a part of me doesn’t. It’s a closed set but . . . Think you can handle it?” My first instinct was to scream “no” very loudly. Images of him executing the dreaded scene were flashing through my thoughts.
What was I supposed to say? Oh yeah, no problem. I can’t wait to see you making pretend love to Nicole. It’s been on my to-do list, actually. Fortunately I reined in my self-preservationist sarcastic thoughts.
He pulled a can of soda out of the small refrigerator and popped the tab open for me.
“Gauging by your lack of immediate response, I think you need to be there.
This—stuff—is all a part of acting, Taryn, and maybe if you see that it’s nothing more than choreographed pretending, then maybe . . .”
His eyes locked on mine. “I just . . . I just don’t want what happened in Florida to ever repeat itself.”
“Ryan . . .” My gut twisted. Memories of standing in a downpour watching what I thought was him cheating on me with Lauren Delaney when in fact he was filming were so vivid I swear I could feel a drop of rain trickle down my spine.
Ryan sat down and took my hand in his.
“You had another one of your nightmares this morning and I think I know why. We’ve talked about this already. You’re my soul mate, Tar. Maybe if you see all of the preparations that go into filming a scene like this and all of the people standing around watching us, you’ll know it has nothing to do with sex. It’s just an uncomfortable illusion.” I swallowed some of my doubt, trying not to have any of it fly out of my mouth, knowing that the black-haired boy with bloodied teeth was the cause of me waking up on a gasp. “I know it’s fake. It’s not like you’re going to go over there and actually do it with her.”
“That’s right. I’m not. It’s all pretend. You know that this is my job and scenes like this are going to be in my movies. I just don’t want you to end up hating me because I have to fake it with other women.” If only faking it didn’t include actual skin-to-skin contact. We locked eyes. “Truthfully, I don’t know what to expect and I’m a little scared. I can’t help it.”
His eyes softened. His fingers caressed my wrist. “Okay, let’s talk about it. What are you scared of?”
“This is all new to me. I’m not accustomed to the idea of having the person I’m involved with do that sort of stuff with someone else in front of me. And things are good with us now but what if we’re having a rough patch and then you and someone else and the temptation and kissing . . .”
His hand covered mine, softly stroking his thumb over my knuckles. “I won’t be tempted. Trust me.”
On some level I believed him. I’d observed him long enough to know that Ryan never, ever looked at other women, even when they were standing on top of him.
“It’s one of my biggest fears.” He straightened my engagement ring. “I know. But keep in mind that I’ve already kissed my fair share and now I’ve found the only woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
His playful smile helped me relax.
“Okay.” I grinned.
“So you’re not going to get jealous when I have to kiss someone else?”
I chuckled with uncertainty. “I can’t promise that. My jealousy comes from being madly in love with you. As long as it only happens when the cameras are rolling, I’ll be okay. It’s just . . . I need you to understand if I can’t handle it right away. I mean, I’ve seen you kiss Suzanne and—”
“Stand up.”
“What?”
“Stand up. I want to show you something.”
I slid out of the booth.
Ryan gripped my hips, pulling me closer.
“I want to show you the difference between a movie kiss and a real kiss.”
“There’s a difference?”
He nodded. “Oh yeah.” His warm hands lifted my face, his eyes focused on my mouth.
“This is a movie kiss. Ready?” I felt his closed lips touch mine as if he were only kissing me to be kind. When his mouth opened, I followed him. Kissing him like this was kind of weird and actually rather frustrating, like we were doing an unfamiliar dance or an awkward first-date kiss when you were really trying to avoid kissing the guy. “Uh-uh. No tongue,” he corrected.
“No tongue?” I repeated into his opened mouth.
“Never.” Ryan pulled back and looked me in the eyes. “Now this is how I kiss my fiancée.”
His hand slid into my hair, cradling the back of my head. His kiss consumed me.
Desire to suck and chew on his hypnotic mouth had me making little whimpering noises. The moment his tongue brushed and swirled with mine, I felt tingles all the way down to my panties.
“I know you love me,” I murmured, drifting my hands into the back of his pants, underneath the elastic band, and over his amazing sculpted ass, “but it’s going to kill me to see you make love to someone else.” I felt him tense ever so briefly. “I will never make love to someone else, Tar. Only you,” he purred, his tongue quite preoccupied swirling with mine.
I pushed his pants down low on his hips and scraped my teeth over his bottom lip.
“Promise?”
He snickered in my mouth. “It was in the fine print when you agreed to marry me, sweetheart.”
Ryan lifted my ID set badge, separating our kiss long enough to remove it over my head. With a devilish grin, his fingers curled under the front of my T-shirt, pulling it up so it was over my head but still wrapped around my upper arms, cinching them back. “And our contract will be binding.” He swirled a fingertip under the edge of my lace bra and tugged one side down, seeking out an already aroused nipple with his wet tongue. Fire shot through my body.