It had been a while since Summer had interrupted me, which was unusual. Standing firm against people shoving me. I looked back and saw she was stuck on the other side of the puddle, politely waiting for a break in the oncoming pedestrians.
Go ahead, the sari-clad woman behind Summer scolded her in a singsong accent, else well be here all day.
I stepped back into the current of the crowd, let it sweep me back to Summer, and grabbed her by the wrist. I pulled her roughly against the current, ignoring the mean looks of other pedestrians. My book bag socked one man in the shoulder and he told me sharply to watch it. I held fast to Summers hand and dragged her out from under the scaffolding. We popped into the open twilight. She sighed with relief. I suppressed my own sigh.
How long did it take you to change from a nice, normal Southerner to a hardened New Yorker? she demanded.
A couple of hours, but I was living in a tiny two-bedroom apartment in Hells Kitchen with five roommates. I glanced at my own cheap watchId left my Rolex in my jewelry box at my grandmothers house. I was way late for work. I increased my stride, and Summer practically ran beside me.
During the summer, I worked two jobs and socked away money. I was too busy to dwell on what my grandmother and Hunter did. But in the past week, Ive started obsessing about Hunter. I knew he was here. I suspected he was in the honors program and lived in our honors dorm. Maybe I even entertained a little fantasy that we could hook up, which would somehow solve all our problems rather than making them worse. I wrote the story to indulge that fantasy. I had no idea he was going to show up in the class.
Though the coffee shop was in sight now, I stopped on the sidewalk and turned to Summer in exasperation, remembering what shed done. I tried to keep him out of the class, Miss Can I Have Erins Vote! Weve got to develop a better silent language if were going to be friends. When I groan like Im dying, that means, Dont let the hunk into the creative-writing class. My story is about him.
Summer winced. Im sorry. And youre sorry. You can apologize to him.
I dont care about him, I lied. I care about winning the publishing internship I told you about.
Oh, no! She slapped her hands over her mouth. She knew how badly I needed that internship.
I dont want Hunter to tell Gabe he is the stable boy, I explained, because then Gabe will think Im not serious about this creative-writing class. All Hunter has to do is open his mouth and he will ruin every chance I ever had at that job!
Dont cry in the street, she whispered, stepping close to me. They say it attracts muggers.
Thats when I realized my voice had escalated into a hysterical wail that echoed against the glass storefronts. Businesspeople never even glanced at me as they hurried past. I looked all around us and made sure Hunter was not among them. He was not.
Im meeting him at the coffee shop at nine, I told Summer, to try to persuade him not to say anything to Gabe about it. But Im not like you. People look at you and want to go over to your side and help you. People look at me and want to win whatever game theyre playing with me.
Id half-hoped I was wrong about this, but Summer did not deny it. Only because youre so strong-willed. You ask for trouble. Its a good sign that Hunter agreed to meet you, at least. That means he cant be too mad at you.
Yes, he can. Hunter can be furious with you, but he will still be polite. Just like my grandmother.
I was late. I gave Summer a wave and called over my shoulder, Thanks for listening! as I dashed across the street and into the employee entrance of the shop. Dropping my book bag and ducking through the neck hole of my apron, I hollered, I know! Im late! Im really sorry! at the same time my boss shouted, Youre late, Blackwell! We talked about this!
Hastily I tied my apron strings behind my waist and headed up front to the counter. Minimum wage jobs were a dime a dozen in New York. Id already held seven of them. But hunting for another would cost me time and moneymoney I couldnt afford to lose, especially if Hunter decided to ruin my life.
Again.
I STEAMED MILK AND POURED COFFEE for hours before business slowed enough for me to take a peek at the copies of Almost a Lady burning a hole in the bottom of my book bag. I wasnt supposed to do homework in the shop. My boss would probably lump reading comments about my story into that category, rather than the category in which this activity belonged: the Someday When I Am a Best-selling Author You Can Take Your Soy Milk and Shove It category.
But this time I didnt care what he thought. He was in the back of the shop, and this was important.
First I read Gabes copy of my story because his comments mattered most. I closed my eyes for a moment and allowed myself to frame what I wanted him to say about my writing. I had used this technique a lot during the summer. If I pictured myself successful, I was more likely to find success. Every time I had done this over the summer, I had opened my eyes still unpublished, still poor, living with five dirty roommates, and about to get fired from my job walking dogs. Hope springs eternal, though, and before I read Gabes comments on my story, I envisioned him raving about my writing and suggesting that I apply for the publishing internship. Oh, really? I would say. I hadnt thought of that!
I opened my eyes and flipped through my story. Not one slash of bloodred pen stabbed my prose. Page after page was clean. Hed reserved his comments for the blank half of the last page, where hed scribbled in soft pencil:
Erin,
I have read many stories for freshman honors creative-writing classes. Compared with the talents of past students, your grasp of dialogue and pacing is remarkable. You have a gift, and you have worked hard at honing it. I look forward to reading what you write for the rest of the semester and seeing how far you can push this.
As for Rebecca
I had difficulty connecting with her and caring about her because you never say what she wants out of life. It isnt just the stable boy.
My cheeks tingled as if Gabe had slapped me. In the back of my mind I knew hed given me a compliment of some sort in his first paragraph, but I registered only the insult in the second. Of course all Rebecca wanted was the stable boy. That was the whole point. What did Gabe want her to want? Was I supposed to make her a girl alone in the world, struggling to make ends meet in the big city? What a Theodore Dreiserass laugh-and-a-half that would be.
Feeling that I was being watched, I snapped my head up. I would have thought the shop was funky and adorable with its mismatched chairs, exposed brick walls, and art from students at my college, exactly the type of place Id always wanted to work, except that my boss had yelled at me enough here in the past two weeks to ruin that effect.
The shop was empty. My coworker for the shift had disappeared into the back along with my boss, and not a single passerby wanted caffeine at this time of night.
I put my head back down. While my stomach was tied in a knot, I might as well read Hunters comments, too. I sifted through the stack of Almost a Lady until I came to his copy, which hed commandeered from Isabelle and signed his name across like it was his, not hers, not mine. Paging through it, I saw there was a lot of writing in blue pen on a page near the end of the story, his scrawl almost illegible, like hed already been in business for himself for forty-five years and if other people couldnt read it, that was their problem. I kept flipping through and saw nothing else, even on the backs of the pages. I returned to the offending page. Hed circled I saw a snake eat a rat once and scribbled in the margin,
David would not say this. Its gauche. He would not utter a sexually loaded metaphor at the risk of repulsing a lady. In fact, he would not risk his job, his fathers job, and this country justice you mention for a girl in the first place. He has other girls.
What are you thinking so hard about?
I jerked my head up at Hunters voice. He stood at the counter, blond hair in his blue eyes, watching me. I wondered how long hed been there, and whether my lips had mouthed ouch as I read.
I shoved the stack of papers under the counter. He might have seen what I was reading and recognized his handwriting, though. So I admitted, I was thinking Im not going to enjoy freshman honors creative writing as much as I expected.
Give yourself a break and a little time, he said in the soothing tone girls loved. Youre invested in that class, and you had a hard first critique.
What nice advice, and how innocuous. Clearly he was editing himself, just as hed said David would have left out any sexual metaphors when easing a glove into Rebeccas reticule.
I could have asked Hunter what variety of caffeine he wanted. I didnt. I shooed him to a table at the window looking out on the neon-lit street, then whipped him up a latte. Thats the drink with the foamy head that a talented barista makes a design in, like a flower or a delicate palm frond. Note that I said talented barista, not chick who had been working in a coffee shop for two weeks. I had been shown how to make a heart. The bottom of it came out too rounded, and when I turned it upside down, it looked like an ass.
I poured a cup of black for myself, slid Hunters heart latte from the counter, and called to my boss that I was taking my break. I started from behind the counter and across the floor of the shop with full confidence. But as I neared Hunter, I realized that besides class, this was the first time I would be facing him since graduation night in Kentucky, when he stood behind my grandmother.
He turned from the window and focused those blue eyes on me. I slowed down. My heart thumped so loudly in my chest that I was afraid he would hear it if I sat down across from him. Note to self: I should not snag so much coffee while working in the coffee shop if the ticker went into palpitations every time a stable boy gave me a glance. As I sat down across from him with my cup of black, I pushed the latte across the table to him, ass cheeks down.
Only then did I realize the significance of bringing Hunter a latte with a heart drawn in the foam after I had just gotten it on with him fictionally. I should have attempted the palm frond.
It was too late then. But he didnt notice the heartat least, not right away. He looked out the window and tapped his toes under the table as if he was anxious to leave. This was so unlike him. He looked comfortable in every situation, whether he wanted to be there or not. The charm was always on.
A bell tinkled. Laughing students pushed through the coffee shop door and approached the counter. Hunter followed them with his eyes and then finally, painfully slowly, looked down at his mug. He frowned at it and turned it around on the saucer, trying to figure out what the picture was. Oh! he exclaimed. How appropriate. You drew me a little heart.
Its an ass.
He tilted his head to one side to get a different view of it. He spun the mug around into its original position. I see now. He winked at me. What you mean is, it was supposed to be a heart, but you realized too late that drawing me a heart in my latte would be embarrassing after I read your story.
4
He had a strange way of pronouncing coffee, with a rounded o. Hed never had much of a New York accent, not even when he first moved to Kentucky. It only came out with certain words. I found myself dwelling on this to keep from running from the shop in mortification.
No, the picture in your coffee is an ass, I blurted in defense. I also draw a mean spleen.
His eyebrows moved up ever so slightlyone of the few ways I could tell Id gotten to him. Can you do a liver? he asked. With bile?
This talk was not going as I had planned. To convince him to keep his mouth shut about the stable boy, I needed to be nice. I wished I could write internship on the surface of my coffee in foamed milk as a reminder.
I grinned at him with all the pretend friendliness I could muster. My cheeks hurt. Give me another week of training. Ive been working here for only two.
His brows went down. I thought you took a bus up here the day after graduation. My dad told me he drove you to the bus station.
You mean the day after you stole my life, I thought, grinning hard. Out loud I said, I did. First I worked at a deli, but they were always trying to tell me what to do, which takes some getting used to.
I meant it as a joke, but Hunter didnt laugh. He just blinked at me across the rim of his coffee cup.
Then I heard about a dog-walking job, I hurried on. That didnt work out.
Why not? Hunter asked. You love animals. He sounded as if he was trying to convince me.
Dogs arent horses, I told him. But they should have bits in their mouths. I held my hand in a claw beside my mouth to represent a horses bit.
Hunter looked blankly at my hand and then at me as if he did not get it.
I put my hand down. I loved my job at the library, but I got fired when they caught me with weed.
He gaped at me. Erin Elizabeth Blackwell!
I dismissed his concerns with one hand, nearly knocking over my coffee. It wasnt my weed. I had a lot of roommates and they were a mess. One of them hid his weed in my book bag and then forgot about it. Getting fired was the last straw. I was lucky I got fired, not arrested! I stomped all the way back to the apartment building, but as I stood on the sidewalk looking up at the window, scripting my dramatic exit from the apartment, I thought, Where am I going to go?
I was back in the street that hot and lonely day in July, neck aching from looking up, eyes stinging from tears. Summer and Jřrdis had complained for the past few days about living in the dorm, the crowding, the noise. I did not complain. Five dirty roommates had taught me the value of two clean ones.
Are you sure you werent smoking just a little? Hunter touched his thumb and finger to his lips, toking up.
I dont have time for that!
His blue eyes opened wide. I realized that my hands were open wide, too, gesticulating in exasperation. I was still caught in that horrible July day. I needed to get my mind out of there. This conversation with Hunter was a completely different horrible situation, and I was not as desperate as Id been back then. Not yet.