A shadow beside me made me turn my head. The Blackwell Farms truck crept backward along the curb, keeping pace with me. The window slid down and Tommy hollered, Erin, get in the truck before Homeland Security crawls up my ass.
I stomped a couple of steps more, but I was running out of sidewalk. UPS made Louisville one of the worlds busiest airports, but the passenger side of the airport was small, to match the city, and the terminal ended just ahead. I had no desire to wander through the industrial wasteland to the Ford plant.
I stepped over to the truck, jerked open the door, and tumbled into the backseat, shouting into the front, Why did you tell me that, Hunter? What is the matter with you?
Hunter leaned between the front seats to face me, sunglasses still obscuring his blue eyes on a cloudy afternoon. It was the only way I could think of to get you here. Even the threat of going to Gabe with the stable-boy story wouldnt get you to come back to Kentucky to see your grandmother, and she really wanted to see you. She was hysterical when I told her youd gotten hit by a car. I didnt have a lot of choice.
He didnt say he was sorry. He didnt even look particularly sorry behind his sunglasses. He admitted his transgression with no apology.
A lot like my dad.
You mean, you didnt have a choice if you wanted to stay in college on my inheritance, I corrected Hunter. I hope nothing this important comes up again, because the stable boy is all you have to coerce me with now. Baiting me with my dad only works once per lifetime.
Stable boy, Tommy muttered, shaking his head.
Luckily the farm wasnt far, so I wouldnt have to sit in the truck with Hunter for long. Of course, Id spend the afternoon, all day Saturday, and Sunday morning stuck at my grandmothers house. I had sworn to her that she would never see me again and here I was, only five months later. Broke, too, or I would have told Tommy to drop me off at a motel.
Instead, he drove the truck off the interstate, turned onto the narrow blacktop winding through the hills to the farm, then pulled onto the grassy shoulder underneath a huge, fire red maple. Get out, both of you, he barked.
Tommy did not bark often. The ice shower had stopped, so I couldnt use the weather as an excuse. I slid across the seat and onto the ground, drained of emotion and shivering in my coat, looking down at the feet of Tommy and Hunter, standing in front of me. I had nothing to be ashamed ofHunter was the one who should be ashamedbut I was afraid I looked like hell after crying and I didnt want him to see me like this. I was an idiot, which made me want to cry again.
Im not spending the whole weekend with you two sniping at each other, Tommy said. Erin, were going to solve this the way we settle things at the stable when your grandmother isnt looking. He nodded at Hunter. Hit him.
Dont make her do that, Hunter told Tommy. Shell break her hand.
Ha! You think awfully well of your chiseled chin, I said, but Tommy drowned me out, yelling, Let her hit you or I will hit you myself.
This is excellent parenting. Hunter emphasized his words with an okay sign of his thick fingers. His Rolex flashed in the sunlight before he put his hand down. Here, Erin. He closed his eyes and lifted his chin.
I edged toward him, balling my fist, feeling better already. Open your eyes, I said. I want you to see it coming.
If I open my eyes, Ill dodge you, he said matter-of-factly, as if he was used to settling his differences this way with the other stable hands. He closed his eyes again.
I struck while I had the opportunity. Didnt pause to think about technique or the proper position for my fist, thumb in or thumb out, just hauled back and hit him.
But in the split second before my hand connected with his face, I saw a flash of one of my familys apartments in Los Angeles, an early one, because I glimpsed the ocean through the window across the room, and as the years went on wed had less and less money and wed moved farther and farther from the sea. I saw my dad hitting my mom.
I redirected my fist, only grazing Hunters chin, and stumbled into the side of the truck. A strong arm hooked in mine and kept me from falling. Hunter drew me to him, chuckling. Are you okay?
I shoved him away from me, slid back into the truck, and slammed the door. He wasnt even sorry and I couldnt even get revenge. There was no good in this. With a final sniffle I opened my history book, wishing I hadnt come.
I dont know what argument Hunter used outside the truck, but predictably he hopped into the drivers seat, and Tommy took the passenger side for the short drive up to the farm.
A few minutes passed wherein the truck hummed, country music twanged on the radio, and I read the same paragraph in my history book four times.
Then Tommy asked, So, did you two hook up yet?
Tommy! I squealed. What a question!
What? He half-turned toward me. Im just asking.
If we hadnt hooked up, I said, that question would be awkward and embarrassing. And if we had hooked up, it would be
awkward and embarrassing, Hunter said.
Tommy watched Hunter driving for a moment. Tommys expression was inscrutable, and I could see in the rearview mirror that Hunters was, too. So you have hooked up, Tommy concluded.
Of course not, I said. Hunter met his girlfriend in the bathroom. He has a fortune-teller and a bar waitress on the side.
Never say I didnt raise class. Tommy turned all the way around to face me. And how do you know this?
We live in the same dorm.
Tommy grinned. Uh-huh. Youre from the same town, the same farm even, you live in the same dorm, you know all about each others business, but you havent hooked up.
When he put it that way, why hadnt we? He made it sound as if the prerequisites for hooking up were familiarity, proximity
and he must sense the desire, at least on my end. He didnt understand the complications, the humiliations, the hundred reasons why not that hummed underneath us like the never-ending sound of New York traffic, or the drone of the Kentucky interstate behind the autumn trees.
Its none of your business, Dad. Maybe it was because I could hardly hear Hunter over the motor and the radio, but I was surprised by how embarrassed he sounded, and wistful.
We rounded the last bend. The trees parted to reveal my grandmothers towering mansion. It perched on the highest hill in all of the rolling pastureland that formed the farm. Like many of the historic buildings in and around Louisville, it was built in the Italianate style of the 1870s. If a photo of a classic Southern mansion was stretched on a computer until the ceilings and windows were ridiculously highthat was this overstated style of architecture, so elegant and imposing it was threatening.
Here we are, princess. Tommy opened his door, presumably to haul my suitcase out of the payload.
Im not staying here, I said quickly. Hunter can stay in my room, where he belongs. Im staying with you, Tommy.
Tommy and Hunter both looked over the seat at me in surprise. Tommy said, Thats not proper. Your grandmother will have a cow.
No way, Hunter said.
You owe me that much. I caught Hunters eye and drove home my meaning. I had no intention of telling my grandmother that he was taking her for a ride, but Hunter didnt know that. At least I hoped he didnt.
Hunters blue eyes drilled into me just long enough to trigger my heart palpitations. Then he uttered an obscenity and left the truck, dragging his own suitcase through the giant front door of my grandmothers house.
Your grandmother will march down to my house and get you herself, Tommy said as he drove back down the lane.
She knows she can push me only so far, I said. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree, unfortunately. He parked beside his little house, and I jumped out of the truck before he could change his mind.
This house could have sat in a Louisville neighborhood with other bungalows like it, and it wouldnt have drawn attention. But here on the farm it drew my attention. It was white timber above and local limestone below, with a slate roof, like all the outbuildings. It matched the gatehouse, and the historic kitchen with a vast brick oven, and the barn. I would not have chosen to live in a servants house that matched the barn. I knew from Hunters latest story for Gabes class that he felt the same way.
I crossed the wooden porch and waited for Tommy to unlock the front door. Hunter had been in my grandmothers house plenty of times. Hed even been in my room, during that childhood moment so long ago when we were friends. I had never been in his house. I followed Tommy through the narrow hallways, past a kitchen remodeled in the 1970s, to a tiny bedroom with a huge window that looked on the lane out front.
Here you go, son. I kept everything just like you left it, Tommy joked, depositing my suitcase inside. Ill give you a few minutes to freshen up, but I need to get back to Churchill Downs. Then your grandmother wanted me to make sure you and Hunter got to the party at the Farrells tonight.
A party at the house Whitfield Farrell still shared with his parents? This trip was seeming more and more like everyone in my old life had pored over my new story for Gabes classthe one Hunter hadnt read yetand re-created it. Im not going, I said quickly. I had no desire to live out that antifantasy.
Suit yourself, Tommy said, but youll have a hard time avoiding the party tomorrow night. Its here.
He backed down the hallway. I heard the door close and watched the truck pass in front of the house, toward the mansion. In a few minutes the truck passed again, headed for the interstate. Tommy was in the passenger seat and Hunter was driving.
Now that they were gone, I looked around. I was sitting on Hunter Allens bed. Eat your hearts out, girls in Gabes class! And I saw why Hunter had looked so horrified at the idea of me staying in his house. The walls were covered in glossy posters of fast cars and movie starlets wearing thongs. This shouldnt have surprised me. Hed probably tacked them up when he was fourteen. It surprised me anyway to discover that Hunter was a teenage boy after all, and that he waswhat was the word hed used in his comment on my first story?gauche.
I crawled to the head of the bed, taking way more pleasure than I should have from the sensation of his rough bedspread rubbing my skin, and got a closer look at his walls. Taped between the posters were certificates for his academic awards. First place, seventh-grade math tournament. First place, tenth-grade science fair. Senior-class valedictorian. Hed won everything but the writing contests. Those were mine.
I sat back against his headboard, as he must have sat up reading every night, and surveyed the whole wallpaper of white diploma-like rectangles superimposed on the larger images of trashy pop culture. Thats when I saw the cardboard sun, six feet across, behind his dresser where a mirror should have been, with the tiny planets floating in front of it, Earth the size of his thumbnail.
14
Bundled against the cold wind, I walked up the lane, past my grandmothers mansion, and over the hill to the stables, built a hundred years before of solid wood and limestone and covered in ivy, picturesque to a tourist who didnt know better.
Most of the staff had gone to Churchill Downs. Only a skeleton crew was left to care for the horses that werent racing. I slipped easily into the office and changed into the riding clothes Id left in the closet, and my helmet. Very important: always wear a helmet. I could feel that my clothes were looser than theyd been when I left, but luckily the office didnt have a mirror. I transferred the apple Id snagged from Tommys refrigerator from the pocket of my overcoat to the pocket of my riding coat.
I walked through the rest of the front stable where we kept the money-making horses we liked visitors to see, the race winners and their parents and offspring, through the large gravel courtyard empty but for a few pies that kept their smell to themselves in the cold air, into the back stable and around the corner.
Blinked at the white horse in the corner stable. Either Id forgotten the layout of the barn in five months away, or Boo-boo was missing.
Digging my fingernails into the apple in my pocket, I walked quickly through the cold barn, glancing at the horses that peeked out of their stalls, searching for a stable hand. When I found a new guy grooming a brown gelding, I tried to keep my voice calm but it came out a croak. Wheres Boo-boo?
He looked around at me, startled. I watched the realizations march across his face: this was a stranger, this stranger had red hair like Mrs. Blackwell, this was the prodigal granddaughter everybody had been talking about, the one dragged back from college by Tommy Allens boy. Then a touch of fear that the stables had sold off the girls favorite horse and she would have a fit. This man looked like hed been slapped by a spoiled brat before.
Boo-boo, I said impatiently. High and Mighty. By Rocky Mountain High out of Might Is Right.
Oh! As he realized he was not in trouble, his shoulders relaxed. He pointed with his grooming brush toward the other end of the back stable. Rock Star has taken a shine to her. We moved her next to him because she calms him down. Want me to saddle her up for you?
No thanks, I said, hurrying toward my horse. The new guy had not gotten the memo that nobody saddled horses for the old ladys granddaughter. Tommy had seen to that. Hed taught me that if I wanted something done right, I had to do it myself.
Relief flooded me as Boo-boo poked her head out of her stall to see who was coming, ears pricked up. When she saw me, her ears moved forward. If Id been twelve, I would have sworn to anyone who would listen that Boo-boo recognized me and loved me. However, I was eighteen. I knew better. I was holding the apple out in front of me.
The time in the stall was always the hardest for me. My body tensed, waiting for the horse to rear, and my brain kept replaying the accident I hadnt seen.
Boo-boo was a thoroughbred, looming and nervous like all of them. But she was relatively sweet tempered. Tommy had picked her for me when my grandmother insisted that he put me back on a horse a week after my mother died. Boo-boos soft, surprisingly nimble lips plucked the apple out of my palm. As she chomped, I stroked the side of her head firmly, as Tommy had taught me. Cooing Boo-boo-boo-boo-boo to her, I squeezed the terror out of my brain. The way to stay safe was never to let a horse know I was afraid. I wiped the apple juice on my jeans and put up my hand to make sure I was wearing my helmet before I ventured farther into the dark stall to find the tack.