Commitment and love. Sex as the added bonus. I wasn’t familiar with that equation. I had been so sure it was a bold-faced lie. Yet there it was, love, commitment, and the added bonus, sitting beside me.
Had anything I’d known of life up until that summer been true?
“Jesse,”—I rested my hand on his—“I’m not a virgin, you know. I haven’t been one in a long time.”
“I know.” He nodded.
I bit my lip and looked him in the eyes. “Are you sure you want your first time to be with me?” If I could have gone back in time and changed everything—said no to all the boys and waited for a night with Jesse Walker—I would have done it. I wouldn’t have needed a second to consider.
“Rowen—”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to talk around the topic or have him sugar-coat anything. I wanted the truth, cold and hard if that’s what it was.
“Are. You. Sure?”
Jesse scooted closer until his face was just a few inches from mine. Both of his hands moved to my face and those eyes of his blazed into mine. “I’m sure.” If the conviction in his words didn’t prove it, his expression did. “I love you, and I’m sure, Rowen. Now, why don’t you help me figure out how that whole rocking-your-world thing works?”
I grinned again. Frowning was impossible when Jesse beamed at me that way. “There’ll be a lot of hands-on coaching,” I said, leaning closer until I almost tasted the salt on his skin. “But I promise to return the favor.” When my mouth pressed into the base of his neck, Jesse’s skin erupted with goosebumps.
“I’m fully committed to this whole endeavor,” he said, his voice rough.
“Good,” I whispered against his skin. Grabbing hold of his arms, I drew him closer. “Then get over here and make love to me.”
Jesse shifted, and then he was pressing into me, laying me back onto the mattress. His arm wound around my back and the other traveled down my hip, winding around to my backside. His mouth covered mine as he lowered himself onto me. He didn’t crush all of his weight against me. I saw the strain in his shoulders from holding his weight.
His tongue played with the seam of my mouth, although I didn’t need much encouragement to grant him access. When my tongue touched his, he lowered the rest of himself on top of me, and the sigh I moaned into his mouth wasn’t quiet or short. His erection pressed hard into my stomach, and even though I could barely breathe with it there, I wanted it pressed hard into something else.
My hand left his back and felt around the mattress, searching for that little box.
I kept pace with his kissing in the midst of my search and almost cried out with joy when my fingers touched that box. I grabbed what I needed and ripped one free of the strip. I needed both hands to tear the wrapper open, but it didn’t take long. The whole time, Jesse’s hands, mouth, and body continued their pursuits. Each kiss brought me closer, each touch lifted me higher. When his h*ps flexed against mine, I let out another moan.
“Damn, Jesse,” I breathed, maneuvering my hands down where I needed them.
“What?”
“I need you to slow down and suit up or else I’m going to come before you even get a chance to lose your virginity.”
He was breathing so hard he was almost panting and his face was flushed. “Am I doing something wrong?”
“No,” I said instantly. “You’re doing something very, very right.”
That smug smile reappeared, and his h*ps flexed against mine again. Even if I’d wanted to, I couldn’t hold in the sound that slipped from my mouth.
He said, “I’ve only waited twenty years for this moment. I’ve been playing this whole thing out in my head for a while, so it’s good to know it’s working in real life.”
“It’s working,” I emphasized, right as my hand wrapped around him.
That smugness washed right off of his face. In fact, all emotion other than desire left his face.
I smoothed my hand down his entire length, then up, and repeated the process until I wasn’t so sure he would be able to hold himself back if I did it one more time.
“How was that?” I asked, rolling the condom into place.
“Speechless,” he panted, flexing into my hand as I finished with the condom.
I pressed a kiss into the bend of his neck as I guided him closer. Once he was right where he needed to be, I wrapped my legs around his h*ps and removed my hands.
A sheen of sweat covered his entire face and his chest was rising and falling so quickly, I wasn’t sure how he managed to get out words, but he did. “I love you.” He kissed me as sweetly as he’d ever kissed me before.
“I know,” I replied, running my hands down his face.
His h*ps flexed, and he moved inside of me. I cried out and curled my hands into his hair. He moved so slowly and carefully inside of me, almost like I was the virgin. When he was as deep inside as he could go, he trembled and lowered his mouth to my ear. He didn’t say anything. He just inhaled and exhaled, letting me keep pace with him.
“See?” I said, tightening my muscles around him. “Feels pretty damn great, doesn’t it?”
Jesse groaned when I squeezed him again. “It’s f**king beautiful,” he breathed, and then he started moving inside of me.
I could tell he was trying to go slow, to take his time, but that wasn’t a favor I needed. So I lifted my h*ps and rocked against him at a quicker tempo until he’d caught my pace.
“It’s all right, Jesse,” I said. “You can come if you’re ready.”
“I’ve been about to come ever since you took your dress off. I’m just trying to live up to my end of the deal.”
“Believe me,” I said, fisting my hands deeper into his hair, “I’m there. I’m just waiting for you. Please don’t make me wait any longer.”
“Thank,” he panted, moving deep inside of me, “God.”
If I wasn’t so close to my cli**x, I would have laughed at the relief flooding his expression. Instead, I lifted my h*ps and moved against him, bringing us both closer.
“Rowen,” he sighed, and when he started groaning and moving inside of me like he couldn’t move fast enough, I knew he’d found his release. I followed him one moment later, and as my body fell apart around him, all I could do was repeat his name. Over and over. Until the only word I knew was his name.
Even after his orgasm had ripped through his body, he held his weight carefully above me. He didn’t collapse on top of me in a post-sex haze like I knew I would have if our positions had been reversed.
His breathing took a couple of minutes to even out and, as soon as it did, he lowered his mouth to my ear. “That was one hell of a dance.”
Chapter Fifteen
If I could spend the rest of my life nak*d and tangled up with Jesse Walker post-O, I’d never once feel like I was missing out on anything.
It had started to rain a few minutes earlier, and the droplets hitting the roof created a soothing song. The air coming in from the window had that fresh rain scent, and that, combined with the scent of Jesse’s skin, was a powerful aphrodisiac. If we hadn’t just finished doing it five minutes ago, we’d be doing it right now.
“How are you doing up there?” I asked, tilting my head back from where it rested on his chest. “You’re awfully quiet.”
Jesse’s fingers continued their lazy pattern up and down my back as I lifted up onto an elbow beside him. “I’m still speechless,” he said, grinning up at the ceiling.
“Pretty good, right?”
“Pretty good is an insult to what that just was,” he said, shaking his head. “Speechless is really the best way to describe it.”
“Was it as good as you were expecting?”
He grinned. “Better.”
“I still can’t believe you waited this long to have sex. What were you waiting for?” I teased, tickling my fingers down his sides. “Marriage?”
Jesse rolled onto his side so his face was level with mine. He skimmed his knuckles down my face. “No. I was waiting for you.”
Those words earned him one hell of a passionate kiss. After we’d come up for air and I managed to somewhat recompose myself, I asked my next question in the how-could-Jesse-be-a-virgin file.
“So I get that you and Josie decided to wait, but what about after you two broke up? I’m sure you could have had your pick of whatever girl you wanted for a one-night, no-strings-attached roll in the hay.”
“Maybe. Maybe not,” he said with a shrug. “But it wasn’t the physical part of the relationship I missed the most. It was the companionship. And a guy doesn’t need a girl to . . .”
I stuck my tongue into my cheek to keep from laughing as Jesse fumbled for the right word. After a few more seconds, I came to the rescue. “Get off?”
Jesse shot me a sheepish smile. “I was going for something that didn’t sound so dirty, but yeah, that’s what I was getting at.”
“And now?” I said. “Now that you’ve felt what sex with a woman and not your hand”—I arched my eyebrows—“is like, do you still think you wouldn’t miss the physical part of the relationship as much as the companionship part?”
His eyes widened, followed by an emphatic shake of his head. “I’m in big trouble, because now I know what I’d be missing.”
“I know, right? Those virgins are nuts enough”—I winked down at him—“but those born-again virgins are straight off the loony farm.”
Jesse chuckled and pulled me closer. “Call me nuts all you want, but I’m glad Josie wasn’t my first.”
The mention of Josie and firsts reminded me of a conversation I’d had earlier. I cinched my arm tighter around him, almost like I was trying to protect him. “I’m sorry about what happened with Josie and Garth. She told me last night, and I can’t imagine . . .”
The skin at the corners of Jesse’s eyes creased.
“And then you found me at his place late at night.” His anger that night made sense after I learned the history between him and Garth. “I’m sorry. I’ll stay away from Garth from now on. I’ll even mix some Mylanta into his eggs if you want me to.”
The lines wrinkling Jesse’s face slowly faded. “Tempting, but that’s okay. Garth’s life is punishment enough,” he said, lying back down and pulling me with him.
A couple more minutes of silence, except for the rain pinging on the roof, passed. I should at least try to get some sleep because around here, we didn’t really get days off. Cattle still needed fed, along with cowboys. I’d lost track of time, but I knew dawn couldn’t be more than a few hours away.
“I think now that we’ve really slept together, we should tell my parents about us.” I heard the smile in his voice. The smile on my own face disappeared.
“Are you sure?” I shifted against him, because I wasn’t.
“I’m sure.”
Of course he was.