Ben pulled the phone from his ear, ready to hang up when Dante said, “Don’t. Don’t go.”
Ben pulled the phone back to his ear. He was shaking from the outburst, in disbelief at what he’d shared.
“I can’t save you. I don’t have it in me.” Dante’s voice was soft, softer than Ben had probably ever heard it.
“I didn’t ask you to. No one can save me just like no one can save you. Why do you hate yourself as much as I hate myself?”
Dante was quiet so long, Ben didn’t think he would reply. Finally, he said, “Meet me at the diner in an hour.”
Ben stood there long after Dante hung up, telling himself he wouldn’t go. Then, he went to his room, changed, and left to meet Dante.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Dante sat in the same booth, in the back of the diner when Ben arrived. He made his way over to the man, who sat with a cup of coffee in front of him.
“You look like shit. You need to eat and sleep. I ordered food. She’s putting the order in now that you’ve arrived.”
At the mention of food, Ben’s stomach growled, cutting off any argument he considered giving. Dante cocked a brow at him. Damn him for being so sexy. If he wasn’t, Ben would hit him.
“Sit down.” Dante nodded toward the bench across from him. “I’m about to give you more than I’ve given anyone in five years. You sit, you eat, or you don’t get it.”
Ben slid into the booth. As soon as he did, a waitress brought him a cup of coffee.
It was after midnight and the diner only had a few people scattered around. No one was close enough to hear them and as soon as the waitress walked away, Dante spoke. “You said you’ve loved the same man since college. I loved someone once as well. I was all he had. But...” Dante stared down at his coffee, running his thumb down the handle before looking up at Ben, his jaw set. “I failed him. I couldn’t save him. And now he’s dead.” Dante looked away.
Questions slammed around inside Ben’s brain. They were alike in more ways than he’d realized. There had always been a part of him that had hoped he would be able to save Tristan. He couldn’t and Tristan found other people who could. Dante’s lover had died instead of moving on. He wanted to know how, but knew he couldn’t push Dante.
Damned if he wasn’t grateful for what Dante did give him. “You won’t let me down because I don’t expect anything from you. Like I said, I don’t need to be saved, the same way I’m sure you don’t.” Ben didn’t look away, waiting for Dante to catch his eye. He wanted to make sure Dante understood what he was saying. He didn’t know if they would continue to fuck or talk but if they did, he didn’t expect anything. He didn’t want anything. And he had nothing to give, either.
The man leaned back in his seat and gave Ben a simple nod of understanding.
The waitress stopped at their table and set identical plates in front of each of them—bacon, eggs, hash browns and toast. “Do you need anything else?” she asked.
Dante glanced at Ben, which he hadn’t expected. Ben shook his head and Dante told her, “No, thank you. We’re good.”
Ben salted his food before taking a bite. “Have you always been like this? A control-freak?”
Dante laughed, and shook his head. “I guess you can call it that. It’s who I am. It’s always worked for me. What about you? Have you always had that little voice in your head, telling you it wants you to give up control, no matter how much you ignore it?”
His reflexes kicked in, making it his first thought to react negatively to what Dante said but then he realized the man wasn’t trying to be an asshole. It was a real question.
Slowly, Ben chewed a second bite, hoping it settled well in his stomach, as he thought about what Dante asked. Had he always felt that way? He didn’t think so. But then, he’d fallen into place easily with Tristan. So easily that he often pretended to rebel against the idea, more than he really did. “I don’t know,” he answered as honestly as he could.
“The clubs?”
“Off and on since I was fifteen. It’s amazing the quality of a fake ID you can buy if you have the money. Honestly, I’m sure no one cared about my age,” Ben answered. “Though not BDSM until recently. You?”
“I have some experience.” Dante pointed to Ben’s plate. “The food isn’t bad here.”
It wasn’t a smooth change of subject but Ben let it go.
They were mostly silent after that while they finished eating. Their plates were taken when they were done. “Would you like anything else?” she asked.