'I undoubtedly was made to feel,' said the inventor, 'as if I had

committed an offence. In dancing attendance at the various offices, I

was always treated, more or less, as if it was a very bad offence. I

have frequently found it necessary to reflect, for my own self-support,

that I really had not done anything to bring myself into the Newgate

Calendar, but only wanted to effect a great saving and a great

improvement.' 'There!' said Mr Meagles. 'Judge whether I exaggerate. Now you'll be

able to believe me when I tell you the rest of the case.'

With this prelude, Mr Meagles went through the narrative; the

established narrative, which has become tiresome; the matter-of-course

narrative which we all know by heart. How, after interminable attendance

and correspondence, after infinite impertinences, ignorances, and

insults, my lords made a Minute, number three thousand four hundred

and seventy-two, allowing the culprit to make certain trials of his

invention at his own expense.

How the trials were made in the presence of a board of six, of whom two

ancient members were too blind to see it, two other ancient members were

too deaf to hear it, one other ancient member was too lame to get near

it, and the final ancient member was too pig-headed to look at it. How

there were more years; more impertinences, ignorances, and insults. How

my lords then made a Minute, number five thousand one hundred and three,

whereby they resigned the business to the Circumlocution Office. How the

Circumlocution Office, in course of time, took up the business as if

it were a bran new thing of yesterday, which had never been heard of

before; muddled the business, addled the business, tossed the business

in a wet blanket. How the impertinences, ignorances, and insults went

through the multiplication table. How there was a reference of the

invention to three Barnacles and a Stiltstalking, who knew nothing about

it; into whose heads nothing could be hammered about it; who got bored

about it, and reported physical impossibilities about it. How the

Circumlocution Office, in a Minute, number eight thousand seven hundred

and forty, 'saw no reason to reverse the decision at which my lords had

arrived.'

How the Circumlocution Office, being reminded that my lords

had arrived at no decision, shelved the business. How there had been

a final interview with the head of the Circumlocution Office that very

morning, and how the Brazen Head had spoken, and had been, upon the

whole, and under all the circumstances, and looking at it from the

various points of view, of opinion that one of two courses was to be

pursued in respect of the business: that was to say, either to leave it

alone for evermore, or to begin it all over again.




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