This was my punishment. I shouldn’t have wanted him to watch me. To look at me. Because he wasn’t free. I had wanted to take Octavia’s fiancé away. That was wrong. This was what I deserved. The pain of knowing Nate’s real feelings about me.
He wasn’t the same boy from that summer. He was grown and he had changed. More so than me. I was stronger. Less naïve. The real world and its horror had touched me briefly. But the pain of heartbreak was new. I preferred not knowing how this felt.
I had been sheltered from so much. How the world saw me was one of those things I didn’t really know. Until now. I liked to think I was on the road to making a real life for myself. That my beating leukemia had made me strong. I wasn’t easily beaten down and I had goals. A lot of goals. When people saw me I hoped they also saw all of that.
Apparently, they didn’t. I was a farm girl, with an inferior education and no sense of the real world. It was a slap in the face and a knife to the chest. If only these damn shoes had a price on them I could still be in a happy place.
“Oh good you’re here. We need to add something to the window. A flash. A touch of what the others don’t have. White twinkle lights or the feel of Manhattan. Give the shoppers a taste of what they’re getting when they walk through those doors. Draw them in. The clothing isn’t enough.”
I still had a job to do. More so than before I had something to prove too. This farm girl from Alabama could impress them. I wasn’t an idiot. The pressure to do so however made me somewhat nervous. What if I gave her ideas and he shot them down? What if my ideas were simple? Just like Nate said I was.
“Don’t get me wrong. You’ve done a beautiful job displaying the best of what we offer. Kudos to you for that. Now we need to take it a step further. Give them what they don’t get when they look in the other windows. Show them why this store stands out. Why they can’t walk past it. Why they must buy something from Octavia’s.”
Nate had walked in while she was going on about making the window stand out. Ignoring him before had been difficult. But now . . . it was easier. I had something to prove but not to him. I had to prove it to myself. Remind myself I wasn’t what he said I was. That all he saw was what he assumed. There was more to me than that and he’d never get the privilege of knowing. Our past was now firmly that. The door was closed. Memories shoved so far back it would take a shovel and days of work to dig them out. I was done with all there was to do with Nate Finlay.
I had to show Bliss York that she was strong, smart, and capable of reaching her goals. All of them and more. Nate’s presence faded to the background and I turned my complete and full attention to the window display. My focus was centered on that and only that.
One thing they didn’t know about a girl from Alabama was when we were backed into a corner we came out with both fists up and a will to win.
“I like the twinkle lights. This is a coastal town and people shopping here will be looking for something that reminds them they’re enjoying the sand, surf, and sun. The twinkle lights can be the sunlight, let’s bring in sand for the floor but then the sea breeze can’t be seen. We need something that draws the eye. White feathers suspended as if flying free in the wind surrounding the display would be unique and attention grabbing.”
I wasn’t sure where the idea came from. I just opened my mouth and let the ideas fly. Not caring how ridiculous it may sound. The picture began taking shape in my head and I added to it and didn’t stop talking for Octavia to say anything until I had it all outlined. Shown her where it all would go and then explained why it would sell. One would think I’d worked at retail stores my entire life the way I was blabbing on about what the shoppers wanted.
When I was finally done, I waited for her reaction. Prepared for the worst but knowing I hadn’t backed down due to fear or the fact Nate had given me a major blow to my self-esteem only minutes before.
“It’s brilliant,” were the words out of her mouth. I let out the breath I had been holding. I agreed with her. I wasn’t sure how I created it so quickly and relayed it so clearly but I had. And I was thankful I had. This had been a moment I needed to show myself, not them, that I could do this.
“The sand and feathers. It’ll be the most talked about store front in town. We need to order the perfect twinkle lights. Hang them straight down from ceiling to floor like you said. Nate, Google lights and see what you find. I’m going to make a call about getting some sand. Bliss you find the feathers. Large white perfect feathers won’t be easy to find.”
I nodded and reached into my pocket for my phone. I didn’t watch as Octavia left through the backdoor to see if Nate followed. I Googled feathers and began my search. His presence was there. I could feel his gaze on me, I just chose to ignore it. Turning my back to him I studied the window that we’d be transforming and wondered if we needed to add anything else. Maybe some silver. The white with silver would be striking.
“You knocked this out of the fucking park. Blew Octavia’s mind.”
Nate had come closer. His voice was deep and there was a touch of pride in his tone. I found that odd considering his words to Octavia about me only moments earlier.
“Getting the sand in will be a bitch but it’s brilliant.” He was trying to get me to respond. He wasn’t used to me ignoring him. I wasn’t a rude person. Kindness was something I always wanted to be sure I had plenty of. However today with Nate I wasn’t feeling it. Turning around I shot him with a piercing glare.
“Us farm girls from Alabama can surprise even you I guess.” I didn’t wait for him to respond. Instead, I walked straight to the back where he wouldn’t be able to say more or Octavia would hear him. He knew I’d heard. That was all that had to be said.
Nate and I had no past, present, or future as far as I was concerned.
Now, to find those feathers.
Nate Finlay
MOTHERFUCKER.
Dammit to hell! Of all the things for Bliss to hear me say that was the absolute last thing I’d ever want her to hear. It was all bullshit. I was trying to save her job. To reassure Octavia and it backfired in my fucking face.
I had to go outside. To my truck. Away from it all. So, I could get control of my mouth. Because right now all I wanted to do was explain to Bliss why I’d said it and not give a damn if Octavia heard me. Which would hurt Bliss more. Not help.
But that look in her eyes was devastating. It said more than the unconcerned expression she was using to hide the pain. She hadn’t been able to mask it. I’d wounded her bad.
I rubbed my hand over my chest to ease some of the ache there. I didn’t want her to hurt. Fuck I didn’t want to make her do anything but smile. She lit up a room when she smiled. Anyone who would extinguish that didn’t deserve to breathe. Bliss was as close to perfect as a female got and what I’d done was killing me.
I stared at the closed door and weighed my options. I could go back in there and explain it to her. Fix this. Tell her exactly how I felt about her. How I was in awe of her. Or I could let her keep her job and go see her later.
Tonight.
After work. At her apartment.
That was what I’d do. Her place was safe. Octavia wouldn’t see me there and she wouldn’t know I’d talked to Bliss. She wouldn’t know anything. I started for the door and stopped. I couldn’t look at Bliss again and keep my mouth shut. I didn’t want her to think I meant those words and if she flashed me those shining, pretty blue eyes, so full of hurt again I would crack and blurt it all out.